Bedtime for 12 year old?

[queribus]

My dd, 12, is sent up to bed at 9pm and allowed to read, text etc until 9.30pm. It's then lights out. She claims ALL her friends have their phones all night and don't go to bed until at least 10pm. So, what is a reasonable bedtime for a 12 yo (year 7). Not having the phone in the room all night isn't up for negotiation, but bedtime might be

That's what happens here, totally reasonable.

Ah! Glad I'm not the only one. Relentless whinging from dd us making me doubt myself.

Dd (13) 9.30pm with 30 mins reading
DS (10) 9pm with 30mins reading also

Neither of them have phones in the bedroom

Ours didn't have phones in rooms until they were in sixth form.

Yep, 9pm here lights out, no phones. She has to be up at 7am.

Our house is the same as yours - including the all my friends have their phones in their rooms argument.
As dh and I leave our phones downstairs it is totally non negotiable but she is quite often awake when we go up at around 10.30.

9pm in bed reading, 9.30pm lights out. No phone in bedroom at night and serious repercussions if I find she has snuck it in!

I struggle every night to get my ds aged 12 to bed & im afraid he is one of those that stays awake far too late. He still gets 8/9 hours sleep & has bags of energy though, but it's not ideal.

We do same as you, in room at 9, half hour of quiet time then lights out. She's 13 now but been the same for the past year or two.
She REALLY needs her sleep so it's non negotiable.

13 year old here. No phones etc allowed, but she does go up at about 10 and is terrible at falling asleep no matter what we try.

I have a 13 year old DS (y8). His phone gets removed at about 9.30pm, and like you, overnight phone (or iPod! Or pinched tablet from me!) is non-negotiable. We have no TVs or games consoles in rooms either. His bedtime however, is not fixed, i just let him mooch around in his room til he wants to go to sleep - without technology I find he makes his own sensible choices about what time to go to sleep. It's not often later than 10pm, and as he doesn't have to get up til 7.30am, that's plenty of sleep for him.

That sounds very reasonable. My dd is a couple of years older now so it's hard to remember, but I think I had a lights out by 9 rule when she was 12.

I've always gone by the amount of sleep recommended for the age (for 12 year olds it's 9-11 hours). I start with what time my dd needs to get up for school, count backwards to work out what time she needs to actually be asleep, and then lights out is 15 minutes before that.

My nearly 12 year old is sent up at 8pm (early but it's only for 2 nights out of the 7!) two midweek days when he has Cadets and not home until just gone 9pm, then he's allowed to unwind for half hour and no particular bedtime on a Friday or Saturday night. No phone in his bedroom either.

8.30 bed here and lights out at 9. Up at 6.30. Phone stays in the living room. Our DC13 hates us but is vile with too little sleep so it's non negotiable.

Do your children use 'old fashioned' alarm clocks to get up for school? I won't be allowing phones in bedrooms either but wonder about alarms. I use an app on my phone

My year 8 12 year old goes to bed at 9/9:30 on school nights. He is up at 7/7:30.

8.30 phone downstairs and PC off (I also switch his internet off - dc1 went through a phase of pushing boundaries ) then up to bed and lights off at 9. He's always needed more sleep than dc1 who was allowed to read till 9.30 at 12.

Mine just wake up of their own accord no alarms neede, DD 16 uses a phone alarm at weekends if she's working early.

I wake DD up at 7am. Alarms she just turns off and goes straight back to sleep!

Son is 12, year 7. In bed by 9pm, no phone / ipad after that time, he can read until 9.30.

If I don't hide his bedside lamp he switches it back on again and keeps reading.

Dd13 and ds12 both have 10pm lights out, up at 7am.
They have their phones in their rooms as use them for the alarm (I start shift work any time between 6am-10am so they get themselves up and out)
I trust that they don't go on their phones ( and also told them I have an app that tells me what devices are using the internet) and have had no reason not to believe they don't.

Weekends they go to bed/get up when they want.

is there such an app???

To get some perspective and prove to your child you are being fair, maybe check the websites of the boarding schools with pupils of og yA prayer for peace in our communities

Gracious God,
We pray for peace in our communities this day.
We commit to you all who work for peace and an end to tensions,
And those who work to uphold law and justice.
We pray for an end to fear,
For comfort and support to those who suffer.
For calm in our streets and cities,
That people may go about their lives in safety and peace.
In your mercy, hear our prayers,
now and always. Amenour daughter's age and compile a list of the times they go to bed. Schools have to make a judgement and do what is best for the majority of kids that age..and you can say well it is not (only) because I say so...but this school has been caring for kids for X number of years and they have figured out that this bedtime is generally appropriate for kids aged 12

Oh dear sorry A prayer I had looked up online was just inserted into my post, apologies!