Bedtime for 12 year old?

[queribus]

My dd, 12, is sent up to bed at 9pm and allowed to read, text etc until 9.30pm. It's then lights out. She claims ALL her friends have their phones all night and don't go to bed until at least 10pm. So, what is a reasonable bedtime for a 12 yo (year 7). Not having the phone in the room all night isn't up for negotiation, but bedtime might be

[coffeetasteslikeshit]

My 12 yo is in bed by 9pm and then reads until he is ready to turn the light off himself. We check around 10pm and it's normally already off. He gets up at 6.30am.

[WeAllHaveWings]

Ds(13) starts getting ready at 9:00, in bed before 9:30 to read (no phone allowed), and he usually puts light off before 10 because he gets fed up reading.

If I glance at the front screen of his phone in the morning before he's up I can see certain 4 or 5 friends are snap chatting until 11:30ish or later on school nights. It's always the same ones and definitely not all.

Ds asks if he can do the same instead of reading, I ask him if these particular friends are tired in school or doing well in tests and that always shuts him up (I am aware this might not be the nicest thing to say )

[BiscuitMillionaire]

Surely it depends what time the child needs to be up in the morning, which depends on their journey to school, parents' routine, etc.

[sticklebrix]

Brollsdolls I don't let my 6.30 riser do clubs that finish late. It just causes too many problems in the morning. One club finishes at 8, but we make sure that tea is on the table when DC comes home at 8.10. DC shovels down tea, has a quick shower and is in bed by 8.30. We use the Screen Time app, which automatically switches the phone off overnight.

Another DC needs less sleep and we'll probably be more flexible as they get older.

[PatriciaHolm]

Experience shows that sleep later than about 9.30 = serious trauma for getting up at 7, so no, my 12 year old doesn't do clubs that involve getting to bed later than 9. It's just not worth the grief.

[Brollsdolls]

How do you get you 12 year olds in bed so early?! Do none of them have clubs / activities that fish late?

My 9 year old doesn't finish Cubs until 8.30 one night, 8pm for running club another night and we don't get home from music lessons until 8.45 another night, so it is pretty difficult to then bundle them in to bed after that.

My 13 year old usually goes up around 10. 10.30 on Saturday

[aquashiv]

1. 30 lights out 9pm. No phones no screens.

[NennyNooNoo]

Sounds perfectly reasonable. DS is 12 and has lights out between 9.30 and 10. By 9 pm every night he is getting ready for bed /reading.

[originalbiglymavis]

We aim for 8:30-9 to get into bed then a bit of reading time. He's up at 6:30 though. I'd go to bed at 9 if I could!

[FarAwayHills]

DD is the same age and no phone after 830, bed by 9 and lights out about 930. Absolutely no phone in her room at night, get an alarm clock if you need to. Who could get any sleep with Snapchats and group chats going on all night. Kids need a break from it so they can rest properly.

[Lweji]

Mind you, DS is still at football practice. So, no chance of an early bedtime.

[RJnomore1]

9.30 here. Occasionally later at weekends. She's tired tonight so she's just taking herself to bed now.

[BarbarianMum]

9pm here, and no screens kept in bedroom over night (house rule). He needs to be up by 6.30am

[booellesmum]

DD age 12 goes up about 10 and reads until 10.30.
I wake her up at 7.10 for school.

[Lweji]

It depends what time she gets up.

DS often goes at 10:30, but wakes up most days at 8am. Only one day at 7.

[Oblomov17]

Ds1 has phone in bedroom and often doesn't sleep till gone 10pm and easily gets up pre 7am. He has always needed little sleep.

[CPtart]

DS 11, bed at 9pm on a week night (later when at scouts), read for half an hour and then lights out. Allowed later at weekend. Is trusted to charge phone in bedroom out of reach, but warned that the first time caught with it after 9pm will be removed downstairs overnight permanently. And we do peep in and check.
DS14 same as above but an hour later.

[minionsrule]

Weekday DS 11 reads at 8.30 for half an hour then bed at 9pm, he is a bit of an early riser as well. Defo no phone in room!
I read recently that 11 year olds need 9.5 hours sleep a night, 12 YO will be 9.15 hours I think
Weekends we are a bit more relaxed - 10pm to bed.
Don't believe the all my friends do it malarky - they may say they do but tell DD that it will probably just be bravado - bet your DD tells her friends she has her phone at night and goes to bed at 10

[notarehearsal]

Mine were teens a few years ago but have never had a prescribed bedtime. They would naturally progress to their own rooms at what ever time they started to either feel tired or wanted more privacy. I have no idea what time they went to sleep, when they were tired enough to I guess. They always got up in time to leave for school. I think you just know if your child is self monitoring their sleep if they are comfortable getting up for school

[space83]

I think like a lot of pps that it depends on the individual child concerned. Weeknights he's in bed at 9pm (DS10) with a wind down time of half an hour - 45mins reading. Allowed the radio on then we go in and switch it off. Sometimes he'll want to talk about stuff that's been playing on his mind - which is nice to do and then we switch the light off.

Weekends and friday nights it depends on what we're doing. Usual we have a movie and pizza night on friday, so it'll be a late one. Often I'll be in bed before dh and ds as they'll be multiplaying on the ps4 (being 30 weeks pregnant and a nurse shift work gets in the way and tiredness!!). He's a good sleeper in at the weekends though - 9am/9.30ish and has a lego alarm clock which he sets for 7am.

Occasionally I've been a bit late getting up and he's already down, drink and cereal sorted. So really does depend on the child and the childs' personality!

[TeenAndTween]

DD2, 12, year 7.
Lights out at 9pm, woken for school 7:30am.

[CurlyMango]

Up to bed at 8.30 here then can read etc till 9.30 Sunday to Thursday. Friday and Saturday is free flow.

[IndigoSister]

My year 8 12 year old goes to bed at 9, screens off and can read till 9:30.

Friday and Saturday it's later but 10:30 at the latest.

[queribus]

Thanks! Very helpful and good to know I'm not the only ogre parent out there

[Spring2016]

About the same as you OP.