Bedtime for 12 year old?

[queribus]

My dd, 12, is sent up to bed at 9pm and allowed to read, text etc until 9.30pm. It's then lights out. She claims ALL her friends have their phones all night and don't go to bed until at least 10pm. So, what is a reasonable bedtime for a 12 yo (year 7). Not having the phone in the room all night isn't up for negotiation, but bedtime might be

No app that I know of, no. There should be!

Thought you'd been at the sherry

My DS - 13/ yr 8- is generally in bed lights out at 9pm most week nights, apart from scouts night. He's allowed his phone in his room but knows if I find out it's stopping him getting to sleep I'd take it away. No problems up to now

Weekends are a lot more relaxed, with bed when he wants within reason and as long as there is an opportunity for a lie in the next day

He complains his friends go to bed later than 9, which I think he is right about, but he needs waking in the morning so obviously needs his sleep!!

My dd (14) needs much less sleep than most so I don't tend to look at what others are getting sleep-wise. My rule of thumb is whether an alarm is needed to get up. If she is getting up without an alarm then she is definitely getting enough sleep. If she needs an alarm and gets up easily, then probably enough sleep. If she isn't walking up easily to her alarm then is definitely not getting enough sleep. I let dd have her phone in her room because it doesn't seem to interfere with her grades, sleep, behavior etc. If that changes, then my rules will change. I try not to have different bedtime on the weekend than during the week as research indicates that it's better/healthier to have the same routine all week long.

Dd bed at 8.15 on school night, lights are already out. Phone left downstairs and she is up at 6.20.

DS(12) in theory in bed and lights out by 9.30 but as he faffs about can be later.
He has always been a nightmare getting to sleep, but once asleep usually stays asleep. Has been like this since he was a baby!

During the week technology has to be off by 8.30 so he has a clear hour of no blue screen.

Has to be up by 6.40 so he can get the school bus. Does struggle some mornings but as stated above, really doesn't do going to sleep early.

Shower at 8
Bed at 9
Can hear him faffing for 10-15 minutes but he is always asleep by 9.30
Phone is gone 9pm-7.30am

Sounds reasonable to me OP.
DS1, almost 12, has a 9pm bedtime with 30 minutes reading. No phones allowed upstairs. He only gets a later bedtime weekends and holidays.
According to him I am totally unreasonable because all his friends go to bed much later, are allowed phones, can play 18+ games etc, etc, etc. He lies!

DD1 is 12, Y7 and goes up to her room at 8pm, in bed for 9pm. Phone is put outside her room/downstairs at 9pm. She can read until whenever.

I never realised bed times were such an enforced thing. They definitely weren't when i was at school, but then smart phones weren't a thing, neither were tablets and ipads, laptops weren't mainstream and the PC was in my parents room, and we didn't have broadband internet til i turned 15.
Still i remember i went to bed at 13/14 at the same time my mum did, dad usually went earlier, me and mum would end up going up sometime between midnight and 1am. I was a bad sleeper, lots of anxiety (due to illness in part but also extreme bullying my parents didn't know about) so i often didn't get to sleep til 4 or 5am, then up at half 7, be a zombie all day, home at about 2:45 and sleep til my mum came home at about 5:15.

It's kind of irrelevant what any of us might say though isn't it? We're not her parent. You are. So you make the rules.

It's your way - no highway option!

My dd who is 8 doesn't sleep until 10.30-11.

I am always jealous of parents that habe kids who sleep. I have had her to docs etc but she just doesn't need that much sleep. I was the same according to my Mum.

It is your rules though and there is no right or wrong answer. We all do what we have to do knowing our children.

My DD is 14 and still goes to bed around 9 to read. She hands her phone in at 9. She's slacking and pushing boudaries lately but it's non negotiable.

My 8 year old's bedtime is 9:30 but I do allow her to stay up until 10pm if she's had a lot of homework & needs to unwind for a bit.

Dd1 is almost 13. She goes to bed at 9pm, reads for up to an hour.

All the evidence shows that for good sleep children (and adults, but I am not parenting any adults) need an hour free of all screens so phones, tablets, computers and TVs before they go to sleep.

If they go to their rooms at 9pm and from that point have no screens then they will probably fall asleep around 10pm. At 12yo she needs 9-10 hours sleep a night so as long as she doesn't need to be up before 7-8am that should be fine.

I know lots of young people don't get enough sleep, there are lots of worried health professionals and a huge increase in the number of referrals to sleep clinics, I can understand why though, my 13yo dd's phone stays down here overnight and I can hear the buzzing of group chats going on all night.

About the same as you OP.

Thanks! Very helpful and good to know I'm not the only ogre parent out there

My year 8 12 year old goes to bed at 9, screens off and can read till 9:30.

Friday and Saturday it's later but 10:30 at the latest.

Up to bed at 8.30 here then can read etc till 9.30 Sunday to Thursday. Friday and Saturday is free flow.

DD2, 12, year 7.
Lights out at 9pm, woken for school 7:30am.

I think like a lot of pps that it depends on the individual child concerned. Weeknights he's in bed at 9pm (DS10) with a wind down time of half an hour - 45mins reading. Allowed the radio on then we go in and switch it off. Sometimes he'll want to talk about stuff that's been playing on his mind - which is nice to do and then we switch the light off.

Weekends and friday nights it depends on what we're doing. Usual we have a movie and pizza night on friday, so it'll be a late one. Often I'll be in bed before dh and ds as they'll be multiplaying on the ps4 (being 30 weeks pregnant and a nurse shift work gets in the way and tiredness!!). He's a good sleeper in at the weekends though - 9am/9.30ish and has a lego alarm clock which he sets for 7am.

Occasionally I've been a bit late getting up and he's already down, drink and cereal sorted. So really does depend on the child and the childs' personality!

Mine were teens a few years ago but have never had a prescribed bedtime. They would naturally progress to their own rooms at what ever time they started to either feel tired or wanted more privacy. I have no idea what time they went to sleep, when they were tired enough to I guess. They always got up in time to leave for school. I think you just know if your child is self monitoring their sleep if they are comfortable getting up for school

Weekday DS 11 reads at 8.30 for half an hour then bed at 9pm, he is a bit of an early riser as well. Defo no phone in room!
I read recently that 11 year olds need 9.5 hours sleep a night, 12 YO will be 9.15 hours I think
Weekends we are a bit more relaxed - 10pm to bed.
Don't believe the all my friends do it malarky - they may say they do but tell DD that it will probably just be bravado - bet your DD tells her friends she has her phone at night and goes to bed at 10

DS 11, bed at 9pm on a week night (later when at scouts), read for half an hour and then lights out. Allowed later at weekend. Is trusted to charge phone in bedroom out of reach, but warned that the first time caught with it after 9pm will be removed downstairs overnight permanently. And we do peep in and check.
DS14 same as above but an hour later.