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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My birthday, no card from DH.

88 replies

Flossiesmummy · 17/03/2017 06:19

A bit likely to out me, but I don't care.
It's my birthday and my DH just told me he'll get me a card "later" as he's been too busy.

AIBU to be upset over this? I feel like he just couldn't be arsed.

OP posts:
troodiedoo · 17/03/2017 06:22

Definitely not BU. Happy birthday Flowers

acornsandnuts · 17/03/2017 06:23

Happy birthday. And he's a twat. Cake

MrsDustyBusty · 17/03/2017 06:24

Definitely not unreasonable. I expect if he didn't manage a card he's put zero thought or effort into marking the day in any way. Why do people treat those they're supposed to love with so little care?

joangray38 · 17/03/2017 06:25

Happy birthday 🎁🍰🍷💐

hellooooooomama · 17/03/2017 06:26

Devil's advocate here. Has he actually been really busy? Assume you live together so you'd know?

It's your birthday all day so does it matter when you get your card?

Happy birthday btw, have you got anything nice planned?

Coverup890 · 17/03/2017 06:28

Happy birthday! Cake i forgot our anniversary so not going to comment on the card Blush

Original poster
Flossiesmummy · 17/03/2017 06:37

hello he has been busy at work but has had time for other things too. The things that he has had time for are obviously more important than me, aren't they? Confused

I even said to him earlier this week that the last two birthdays I'd had had been awful, due to external influences that couldn't be avoided.

As for it being my birthday all day, you are of course right. However, on his birthday he'd have cards from me and the children, present, special breakfast made by me. It has made me feel like I'm totally unimportant.

OP posts:
AGrinWithoutACat · 17/03/2017 06:37

DH managed to forget mine too - he is working long hours but didn't manage to organise anything despite being reminded for the past 2 weeks

He has been forgiven (there are extenuating circumstances that knocked him for six a couple of days ago otherwise I would have made a bigger fuss) but told that he has to organise a surprise with the DCs as they were very disappointed that they had no gift for me

I did get lovely home made cards from them though

Marilynsbigsister · 17/03/2017 06:38

Happy birthday 💐🎂
There is no excuse. Unless he genuinely forgot and then I would expect a profuse apology and attempts to make up for that - not 'I'll get one later'
If he didn't forget then it's a deliberate choice not to bother . I don't know what to say, or what it says about your relationship. - spend the day (or evening) with people who care about you..

sandgrown · 17/03/2017 06:39

Sorry to hear this. Hope you have a lovely day anyway. Happy Birthday Cake

Schwifty · 17/03/2017 06:43

I may be grasping at straws here but is there any chance he's got something special planned for later?? My dp always thinks my birthday is 3 days later than it is and craps himself when I remind him the day before with a wry smile

Make your own fun if he's not going to - and happy birthday! Cake Wine

hellooooooomama · 17/03/2017 06:45

Sadly men generally don't prioritise things like this. Because they wouldn't care if it happened to them and they judge everyone by their own standards. It sucks. But try not to let it ruin your day.

amberdillyduck · 17/03/2017 06:48

Sadly men generally don't prioritise things like this.

It isn't a male thing- how sexist.
It isn't sad either- I don't prioritise things like this as I don't value birthday cards and think adult birthdays are a non event. I would say it depends of how you have been brought up- not what sex you are

However if it was important to someone close (and luckily it isn't) then I would get a card.

Topnotes · 17/03/2017 06:49

I work in an office of mostly men. I think most of them have done this at some point, got in trouble, not done it again and like to banter about it

NovaArt3mis · 17/03/2017 06:52

Happy birthday Cake Hope you manage to enjoy your day.

user1489261248 · 17/03/2017 06:53

That's pretty disgusting OP. Has he ever forgotten before?

I don't care how 'busy' someone is, you don't forget your wife's f-cking birthday Angry

I get really irked with people who say they didn't get you a card, because they 'forgot' your birthday, especially if they kick off when you don't get them a card for theirs. Nobody is too busy to buy a card, like nobody is too busy to reply to a text. They just can't be arsed/don't care about you enough.

I sincerely hope OP, that you don't get him one on his birthday!

hellooooooomama · 17/03/2017 06:56

It is mostly a male thing Amber. I didn't exclude females with that statement either.

citychick · 17/03/2017 06:56

we moved house a couple of years ago. when clearing out i found a bag full of cards ~ birthday chrismas and Valentines day rhat were all meant for me. and never handed over.

I've moved on . more important things to worry about.

can u ask him to take you out for lunch/dinner/movies?

happy birthday!

TranquilityofSolitude · 17/03/2017 06:58

He's had a whole year to buy a card - it's not as if you've sprung your birthday on him as a surprise!

Happy birthday - hope it gets better.

user1489261248 · 17/03/2017 06:59

As for men 'forgetting' sometimes 'because they're men.' What a load of sexist rubbish. My DH in over 25 years together has never forgotten a birthday once! Nor did my dad with my mother, not ever. Nor does my brother ever forget his wife's birthday. Same with most men I know.

The only men who 'forget' are the ones in relationships that aren't that great to be honest. Well let's face it, you can't think too much of your wife if you can't be arsed to get her a f-cking birthday card, (when you know receiving one means something to her...)

amberdillyduck · 17/03/2017 06:59

It is mostly a male thing Amber. I didn't exclude females with that statement either.

There is no evidence to indicate that at all. You say Sadly men generally don't prioritise things like this

You are saying sthat most men don't value it

(generally means usually in general, as a (general) rule, in the general run of things, by and large, more often than not, almost always, in the main, mainly, mostly, for the most part, in most cases, most of the time, predominantly, on the whole)

That is tosh

MrDacresEUSubsidy · 17/03/2017 07:00

YANBU. Happy birthday!

My H doesn't 'get' the fuss about birthdays, Christmas and anniversaries. We don't generally buy presents for each other, but he will always buy me a card because I made it clear to him early on that it was very important to me that he made the effort.

Try and enjoy your day. Then, over the weekend, pick a quiet moment and tell your H that it upsets you when he doesn't make the effort in advance - bearing in mind that you can buy birthday cards all over the place and it's an errand that takes about 5 minutes to complete. So by telling you that he's been too busy, it makes you feel that he cannot even spare 5 minutes to recognise your birthday. Tell him that you didn't mention this on the day because you didn't want to spoil it and that you don't want an argument - but that next year you would like him to remember what you have said and find that 5 minutes.

user1489261248 · 17/03/2017 07:01

As tranquillity said; ^ he has had a whole year, so this 'he's been busy' nonsense doesn't wash!

Original poster
Flossiesmummy · 17/03/2017 07:19

It's not that he's forgotten, it's that he hasn't been bothered.

I begin to wonder if I'd be better off on my own. I know it's just a card, but it's one thing in a long string of him believing that he is worth more than me and treating me poorly. It's always seemingly small things like this that make me seem crazy when I point them out.

OP posts:
Coverup890 · 17/03/2017 07:22

Your not crazy its the small things that make life worth living.

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