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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU investing that DH shouldn't have accepted this friend request?

87 replies

BrieAndChilli · 05/03/2017 19:07

DH just got befriended by a I think 16 year old girl that used to go to scouts (he's a beaver leader and helps at scouts). Unsaid he shouldn't have accepted it and I think it's totally unacceptable and he leaving himself vulnerable. (I also think it would be unacceptable if it was a make scout that had befriended him)
Number jury what do you think? He thinks is I'm being silly and it would be rude defriend her.

OP posts:
Original poster
BrieAndChilli · 05/03/2017 19:08

Unsaid should be l said and if it was a make scout should be male scout

OP posts:
pnutter · 05/03/2017 19:09

Do you mean on fb ?

ImperialBlether · 05/03/2017 19:09

Surely he's been warned about this during his training? It's completely unacceptable and goes against all safeguarding guidelines.

WorraLiberty · 05/03/2017 19:10

Very unprofessional.

Has he actually said why he wants this child on his friend list? Confused

JustFuckingReally · 05/03/2017 19:10

Totally unacceptable!

IhatchedaSnorlax · 05/03/2017 19:11

I agree with you - unacceptable on his part to be friends with her.

PuddleJumper01 · 05/03/2017 19:12

I agree that it isn't particularly appropriate, especially if he is still a leader, although if she's left the scouts now I think that changes things a bit,. I don't think it's a disaster, just not ideal.
He'll probably start getting a gazillion messages asking him if he knows this teen or that teen, which I assume he'd rather not have on his facebook.

AnyFucker · 05/03/2017 19:12

Insist he blocks her

What the fuck is he thinking ?

Naicehamshop · 05/03/2017 19:13

Not a good idea for his own safety, if nothing else. Surely his training should have covered this sort of thing?

Crispbutty · 05/03/2017 19:13

Inappropriate and surely against safeguarding procedure.

Original poster
BrieAndChilli · 05/03/2017 19:13

Sorry yes should have said _ on Facebook

OP posts:
allchattedout · 05/03/2017 19:14

Yeah, he should probably unfriend her Most 16 year olds have about 600 friends so she is hardly likely to notice.

UnicornButtplug · 05/03/2017 19:14

I wouldn't be happy, he is leaving himself wide open.

RayofFuckingSunshine · 05/03/2017 19:14

He really should be deleting her off Facebook and readjusting his privacy settings so he can't be requested by any more. He is leaving himself wide open to accusations. There should also be a policy about this which he will be in breach of.

MaisyPops · 05/03/2017 19:15

If she used to go to scouts and doesn't anymore unless there's something specific in their safeguarding policy he is technically ok. Personally I wouldn't do it. As you say, it's not protecting himself (it's a shame it's come to this mind).

I'm a teacher and have recently had a request from an ex student who's now in their 20s. I've accepted and they wanted some advice on a job thing. It's lovely to hear from them and I'm more than happy to offer advice. I wouldn't even consider accepting if they were 18 and had just left.

Is there a scout email address former scouts could use to contact him that's separate from him personal accounts?

ChuckDaffodils · 05/03/2017 19:16

I am so sorry to hear that you are married to someone with so little awareness of the basics.

Ididtry · 05/03/2017 19:17

Is she still involved with scouts?

At sixteen she could be a young leader and in a world where all communication in these kind of groups seems to be via fb, it might be necessary for them to be friends. If not why does he or she want to be friends?

MrsMozart · 05/03/2017 19:19

Unfriend, or whatever the term is, as it leaves him far too open to potential angst - pictures, comments, etc. Not for a moment am I suggesting that he'd do anything wrong, but even the best of intentions can be badly misconstrued.

Original poster
BrieAndChilli · 05/03/2017 19:19

He wants me to make it clear that he must have accidentally clicked on her and asked to be friends while looking at a scout Facebook post as it then came up that she had accepted his friend request rather than him actively accepting her request

OP posts:
kaitlinktm · 05/03/2017 19:19

It doesn't matter that she is no longer in the scouts - she is under 18 and he has been in a position of authority over her. Were he a teacher this would be viewed very seriously, and I don't see the difference.

For his own protection he should unfriend her and he shouldn't accept any other friend requests from ex scouts under 18.

I have been retired from teaching for a couple of years now and have received requests from ex-pupils who are now over 18 but I have rejected them all - I have a lot of ex-colleagues as friends who are still working and these 18-year-olds might still have siblings or other relatives at the school.

AnyFucker · 05/03/2017 19:21

He accidentally sent her a friend request?

Ok. Let's go with that.

Then he blocks her immediately.

AnyFucker · 05/03/2017 19:22

Do you believe him ?

NightWanderer · 05/03/2017 19:22

It doesn't matter how he friended he, he should still delete her. She's too young.

Original poster
BrieAndChilli · 05/03/2017 19:22

He is unfriending her but thinks I'm blowing it out of proportion. This is a man who drums it into the kids not to even put thier first name on the internet anywhere etc so I'm surprised he thinks her parents wouldn't be unhappy thier child was befriending adult men on social media.

OP posts:
kaitlinktm · 05/03/2017 19:23

Well he just needs to quietly unfriend her then - if she queries it, he will just have to explain.

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