Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

AIBU investing that DH shouldn't have accepted this friend request?

87 replies

BrieAndChilli · 05/03/2017 19:07

DH just got befriended by a I think 16 year old girl that used to go to scouts (he's a beaver leader and helps at scouts). Unsaid he shouldn't have accepted it and I think it's totally unacceptable and he leaving himself vulnerable. (I also think it would be unacceptable if it was a make scout that had befriended him)
Number jury what do you think? He thinks is I'm being silly and it would be rude defriend her.

OP posts:

AlmaMartyr · 06/03/2017 09:25

My response wouldn't be different. It is against Scouting guidelines and as such, it would be better if he defriends her. I was a female beaver scout leader, had some 16yo boys who were young leaders in my section and would not have considered befriending them on FB for that reason.

kaitlinktm · 06/03/2017 10:14

If a girl who is of the age of consent in the UK (it is 16, despite what many of you believe) wants to befriend a former teacher to avoid losing touch what's the problem with it? It's not illegal. It wouldn't even breach any safeguarding policies

This really worries me because it is wrong. It does breach safeguarding policies - I know of someone who was dismissed because of this.

I am not completely sure about the legality, but I do know the law is different concerning relationships between teachers (or anyone in a position of authority) and pupils (even if they are over 16). I would imagine this extends to social media too.

It is a really stupid risk to take and having seen what can happen to the most well-intentioned of individuals, I would strongly advise that leaders/teachers/ whatever do not interact with pupils or ex pupils on social media. It might be OK if they are well over 18, but even then, be aware of who they might have as friends who will be able to read what you are sharing. You don't have to share anything "inappropriate" - but a seemingly harmless moan about work could get you into trouble. I have seen this happen.

pnutter · 06/03/2017 10:23

Also, it is possible (not saying it in this case) that pm's could be sent / pic requests whatever privately through fb..so it is not 'safe' for either party iyswim

lougle · 06/03/2017 10:57

"If a girl who is of the age of consent in the UK (it is 16, despite what many of you believe) wants to befriend a former teacher to avoid losing touch what's the problem with it? It's not illegal."

The law is quite clear that the legal age of consent is raised to 18 where one of the parties is (or has been) in a position of trust, actually. So no, the age of consent is not '16 no matter what you believe'.

Snowflakes1122 · 06/03/2017 11:20

To add her (mistake or not) -surely he would have been looking at her profile page? Why would he be doing that?

kaitlinktm · 06/03/2017 11:22

Thanks Lougle - this was the bit I wasn't sure of but I knew it was different for people in positions of trust - even if they are no longer in that position:

Oldraver · 06/03/2017 11:27

He needs to de-friend her. And if he cant see why, as a scout leader he cant go adding scouts as friends, then he is an idiot.

It is easy to accidenteley add a friend on FB..If you change or delete anything it always ask you to 'confirm' or 'are you sure you want to make changes'. I don't know why they don't this with add a friend

MaximaDeWit · 06/03/2017 11:31

To add her (mistake or not) -surely he would have been looking at her profile page? Why would he be doing that?

That's not correct at all. There are various ways to add people without being anywhere near their profile page

TreeTop7 · 06/03/2017 11:37

It's easy to friend someone accidentally on FB. I've done it once. I was acquainted with the woman so it wasn't too bad!

He should definitely block her under these circumstances.

lougle · 06/03/2017 12:11

Actually, having read the Sexual Offences Act (2003), I stand corrected. It seems that Positions of Trust as covered by the Act is limited to educational establishments, care homes, detention facilities, hospitals, etc., and does not cover voluntary organisations. Therefore, a Scout/Guides/Beavers/Brownies leader wouldn't be covered by the Act and wouldn't be in a Position of Trust as covered by the Act. So the age of consent would remain 16. Also, the Act doesn't endure - once a person has left their Position of Trust, they can pursue a relationship with a 16 or 17 year old who would otherwise be out of bounds if they still held that position. Additionally, it seems there is provision in the Act for marriage between the person in a Position of Trust and the person between the ages of 16 and 18. Which seems a bit barmy, but I suppose caters for a situation whereby someone is married and then takes up a position at their spouse's school/college after marriage.

alltouchedout · 06/03/2017 12:19

He should block her and request a refresher in safeguarding and boundaries training.

Jeeves93 · 07/03/2017 16:29

As you said "used to be" a scout, then there is nothing technically wrong with it. Seems a bit weird but nothing more. They may have reason to communicate now that she has left that does not involve any kind of sexual desires.

Flip

1 2 3 4