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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU investing that DH shouldn't have accepted this friend request?

87 replies

BrieAndChilli · 05/03/2017 19:07

DH just got befriended by a I think 16 year old girl that used to go to scouts (he's a beaver leader and helps at scouts). Unsaid he shouldn't have accepted it and I think it's totally unacceptable and he leaving himself vulnerable. (I also think it would be unacceptable if it was a make scout that had befriended him)
Number jury what do you think? He thinks is I'm being silly and it would be rude defriend her.

OP posts:
KillDora · 05/03/2017 19:24

Then he should message her explaining it was a mistake and why it's not appropriate. Them blow kisses and delete.

And be very careful not to accidentally friend request any other teenage girls who have been involved with the beavers/scouts.

It would look very bad.

lougle · 05/03/2017 19:25

Friends on a personal level? All the young people who are old enough for Facebook Accounts at our church are FB friends with their Youth Church leaders in a Youth Church FB group and those who aren't old enough have their parents as members so they can see what's going on, any changes to events, etc. There's nothing inappropriate about it. However, no leader would engage in any private messaging, etc. with a child.

I'm sure this girl hasn't intended any harm by 'friending' your DH. For young people it generally just means 'I know you'. But he can unfriend again very easily and no harm done.

iMatter · 05/03/2017 19:25

But he sent her a friend request.

You can't really do that by accident.

If I was her parent I'd go ballistic.

KillDora · 05/03/2017 19:25

Blow kisses?! Sorry that was meant to say 'block and' Confused

Ididtry · 05/03/2017 19:25

I think that's possible. There are definitely a couple of friends of friends on my list that I don't know how they hot there, so I can only assume that I "Sent" a request that they accepted.

However, in those circumstances he should definitely unfriend her. She won't notice and why would it matter if she did?

KillDora · 05/03/2017 19:26

Sorry I've just had a look on face book and...how exactly did he do that by accident?

harderandharder2breathe · 05/03/2017 19:26

Of course he shouldn't be friends with her.

If she was 18 and no longer part of scouting MAYBE ok although still not advised. Under 18 no way.

lougle · 05/03/2017 19:27

Oh he asked her? I can see that's a bit more awkward to get out of. Still. Click unfriend and explain if he has to. Job done.

pnutter · 05/03/2017 19:28

I agree with the pp who said he should know this is completely wrong. His reaction seems a bit fishy to me but I may be wrong.

OnionKnight · 05/03/2017 19:28

I send friend requests by accident all the time, especially on my bloody phone when looking at 'people you may know' Blush

OnionKnight · 05/03/2017 19:29

But yes he needs to unfriend her.

Ididtry · 05/03/2017 19:29

Being a member of the church fb group so you know what's going on isn't the sane as being fb friends. Dh can talk to his cadets on a FB group but he's not friends with any of them and never, ever sends a pm. Everything goes on the page

NightWanderer · 05/03/2017 19:29

Don't get him to message her. Just unfriendly and move on.

Ididtry · 05/03/2017 19:31

On a phone, If you scroll through the suggested friends list or a friend's friends list it's very easy to touch "add friend" by mistake.

TheNewSchmoo · 05/03/2017 19:31

I block all new employees before they even start at work, once they've accepted the job. Don't mix business and pleasure and a test. I once accidentally sent someone friend request on my phone when I meant to block them. Pressed the drop down arrow and it automatically sent it.

He had to be looking at her FB page though OP.

Pseudonym99 · 05/03/2017 19:32

I've accidentally sent friend requests to people before - its easily done. All he should do is defriend her.

TheNewSchmoo · 05/03/2017 19:32

*and all that

Ididtry · 05/03/2017 19:34

Or a group she's a member of Schmoo, or the profile of someone she's friends with

Mumofazoo · 05/03/2017 19:34

I'm a scout leader myself and i personally don't have fb, but yes it's inappropriate and it's brought up in safeguard training about not leaving yourself open to false accusations.

BeerMuggles · 05/03/2017 19:35

eeek, no fb 'friends' under 18 that he made through being a scout leader.
He's nuts.

joystir59 · 05/03/2017 19:38

Against all safeguarding rules. Why did he accept her friend request?

joystir59 · 05/03/2017 19:40

he should not message her OR blow kisses ffs!

kaitlinktm · 05/03/2017 19:40

But he sent her a friend request.

You can't really do that by accident

I've done it two or three times - once when I passed my cursor over some "people I may know" and another time when I was looking at someone's profile to check if they were who I thought they were. You can do it without meaning to.

joystir59 · 05/03/2017 19:41

This is a complete no-brainer and if he resists unfriending her you have really got a problem OP

Original poster
BrieAndChilli · 05/03/2017 19:41

I accidentally requested my boss to be Facebook friends so am aware that it is easily done when browsing around on Facebook Blush and only realised when it said she had accepted my request!
I just think that it's not acceptable unless you are related to them in some way , I was Facebook friends with both DHs sister and cousin before they were 18 and would be friends with my niece and nephew once they are teenagers (expect that a) they would have me and b) Facebook will have died a death by then it will be some newfangled platform that I have no idea how to use like Twitter and snapchat

OP posts: