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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

am i being precious about dd's injury

87 replies

lemondropcake · 22/02/2017 12:09

Dd had an accident which resulted in her breaking her elbow, she needed pins put in and she fell ill after the operation so has missed over a week of school.

She is keen to go back so I thought I would start putting things in place. I asked the school If I could arrange a meeting about her return and got told I would get a phone call from the head to arrange.

Its now been three days and I've not heard anything. I feel like I have embarrassed myself as I called again to come in it they keep fobbing me off.
I don't want to just send dd to school without any expectations. I'm sure they will be familiar with similar injuries but I want to know how she's going to manage and If I can do anything to make life easier for her. It's a nasty break and the Dr suggested three weeks off school but she's keen to go back now and well in herself and wants to give it a go.

Aibu to think the school should be doing more to have things in place ready for her return? Or am I being precious and expecting too much?

OP posts:

xStefx · 22/02/2017 12:10

How old is DD?

Lucked · 22/02/2017 12:11

Phone now and explain you can't wait for a phone back any longer and so you will make an appointement perhaps with the he head or deputy so they have flexibility to make it this week.

heartisshattered · 22/02/2017 12:17

I think, more than anything else, it's poor that no one has called you back.

I don't think you're being precious but I'd also take the doctors advice and tell your daughter to wait three weeks.

My own DM many years ago went to school with her arm in a cast after breaking her wrist and broke it again with the cast on no real lasting damage but this was after being off school for 5 weeks.

You're the parent in this situation, follow the docs orders and make her wait. By all means ask the school to send some work home

Original poster

lemondropcake · 22/02/2017 12:17

She is six

OP posts:

unicorn5629 · 22/02/2017 12:21

Yanbu

I get schools are busy but even a quick call to discuss and show willing wouldn't go a miss.
That said, what conditions will you specify ?
Does she need regular pain relief still ?
Will it be a case of staying close to an adult during play, no physical activity etc?

Hope she feels better soon !

Original poster

lemondropcake · 22/02/2017 12:22

I spoke with another Dr and they said she can go back as long as there is things in place to avoid being knocked. Dd is really sensible and quiet so I think she will be ok but obviously checking with staff that they are ok with this is important too.
She is desperate to go back but I have so many questions that need answering. I'm quite annoyed they are ignoring me. They are well aware of the extent of her injury and they know I am keen to come in. Why nobody has phoned me yet I don't know. Three days is plenty notice.

OP posts:

Thisrabbitthatrabbit · 22/02/2017 12:24

YANBU they're so top of it with attendance now, I'm surprised they aren't biting your arm off to have her back in.

Original poster

lemondropcake · 22/02/2017 12:26

The Dr said no gym (obviously) and no outdoor play. No writing with that hand and avoid being bumped.
my requests would be that she gets a chair instead of sitting on the carpet to avoid knocking when she gets up, first to get her coat and shoes on at home time etc, common sense stuff. I would send her with a packed lunch to avoid dinner queues too.
She goes to breakfast club so I would want to know if that's still possible. After school club a big no no and will have to sort something else out for that.

OP posts:

heartisshattered · 22/02/2017 12:26

While your DD is sensible and quiet are the rest of the 6 year olds in her class? Honestly if the break is as bad as you say and she's had an operation with pins put in her arm I'd be inclined to make her wait.

heartisshattered · 22/02/2017 12:27

But the school should have phoned you back.

BrieAndChilli · 22/02/2017 12:27

I wouldn't send her in. No one can garauntee she won't get knocked, especially in a class of 6 year olds.
She will also need help possibly with going to toilet and pulling up herself tights/trousers, eating her lunch etc. The school most probably do not have the spare staff for someone to be monitoring her constantly.
Why jeapordise the recovery of her elbow for a week/10 days of school??

DS1 had to have 4 weeks off after an op and the last week he was fine and easily ok to go to school so I understand your frustration but he had lots of internal stitches and just because he looked ok externally didn't mean he still needed time to recuperate.

Sirzy · 22/02/2017 12:28

They should have phoned but at 6 no way would I be sending her back in. Ds had an operation last year and missed 4 weeks of school to protect him. They sent work home for him

ItsNiceItsDifferentItsUnusual · 22/02/2017 12:30

Am really shocked that your dd is only 6 and even then they haven't called her back! Poor thing.

I'd call once more, be quite firm that you need a meeting to discuss her safety for the first few weeks of her return. If no contact, then I'd keep her off for longer.

Original poster

lemondropcake · 22/02/2017 12:33

Thanks for the advice. I will call the doctors back at the hospital and see what they advise. I have Turned into a soft touch. I can't seem to say no to her just now. Had to cancel her birthday party as it was soft play and I can't get anything booked, her birthday is three weeks away and everywhere is booked up. She had to pull out of her annual gymnastics show that she trains for all year and we don't even know if she will be able to do gymnastics properly ever again. She broke the joint.

She loves school and is frustrated and upset and as you say she looks perfectly well on the outside. Different doctors say different things. It's all been a nightmare.
I am disappointed in the school.

OP posts:

Beachedwh4le · 22/02/2017 12:34

Yabu to send her back if it's a serious break, she's 6, she's not missing anything.

If you're going to send her back just write a note to the school setting out your requirements?

harderandharder2breathe · 22/02/2017 12:42

She's only 6! You're not being precious at all! It's really bad the school haven't given you the courtesy of calling you back.

Redpony1 · 22/02/2017 12:42

Kids will be kids so i would keep her off for the 3 weeks if there is risk of her knocking it... Blooming school should be more pro-active with calling you though!

On another note, my DN broke her leg in 5 places falling off a bouncy castle, she was 9 and a gymnast. 8 months later she was back at gymnastics and recently competed in Estonia and is off to Athens in a couple of weeks - kids fix up better than we do

Original poster

lemondropcake · 22/02/2017 12:46

Just rang the doctor and he has booked me in to come in tomorrow with her to discuss school.
Redpony that's good to hear about your dn and her gymnastics. Good for her!
I just feel embarrassed that I need to keep ringing. I went in person too so I've done all I can apart from kick off which just isn't in my nature.

OP posts:

LuluJakey1 · 22/02/2017 12:48

You are not being at all unreasonable. Write an email FAO Headteacher insisting n an appointment and explainng that DD is now having her attendance affected by this delay.

Beachedwh4le · 22/02/2017 12:58

You don't have to keep ringing though, I'm assuming they will get back to you when they have a chance.

Maybe an email as others have suggested, setting out what you expect them to do for your DD. It's not their fault she broke her elbow, try to remember they probably have 100's of pupils to deal with

Mummyoflittledragon · 22/02/2017 12:59

I got this with the head at dds school. I wrote to the head and it was letter ping pong, him insisting the school was looking after my dd (complete bs, I went to monitor the person supposedly spotting my dd swimming). She has seizures and her heart stops beating, hence the need to be watched constantly. Each time I wrote I asked for an appointment with the head to discuss it and was ignored. You have to be really pushy sometimes. In the end, I got a doctors note and then the cardiologist signed her off indefinitely. If the school had just met with me and explained I needed a doctors note in the first place, a great deal of time and tears and upset could have been avoided.

As pp said, write an email and state you will not be sending dd back until after meeting with a senior member of staff (I did it with the deputy head) to ensure plans are in place. They'll take much more notice if you threaten unfortunately.

TanteJeanne · 22/02/2017 13:00

When DS2 (8) broke his elbow, he stayed in at playtimes for three weeks. He was allowed to spend the time with a friend in the IT suite playing computer games. He didn't do PE either until the hospital said he could load bear again.
He had to take extra care in the corridors and cloakrooms to avoid banging and jostling but didn't need any time off school.

Crumbs1 · 22/02/2017 13:06

Dr advises three weeks off and that seems reasonable given the injury and your concern. Surely her wellbeing comes above her being bored?
School has 30 children, at a guess, in a class. The poor teacher has enough to do without pandering to one child who needs extra attention because they don't want to stay off. Too much to expect of an infant class. How cross would you be if she goes back and gets hurt?

headake · 22/02/2017 13:08

I am veteran of many breaks... also worked at school a bit so know a bit how school has handled some kids who had horrendous breaks.
I'm confused, why doesn't she have a cast on if she mustn't knock the arm?
Missing many weeks of school isn't ideal, is it really necessary?

The chair so she doesn't sit next to others, and packed lunch, both sound a bit silly. They won't prevent knocks in crowded corridors & queuing up or stop her from running at playtime and all the other opportunities she'll get that are just as or more likely to get knocked than carpet time & lunch queue. If the cast isn't enough protection against minor bumps (say the doctors) then I don't see how she can go to school at all until her arm is more healed.

ime, missing about a week for a terrible break with operation is pretty typical, but then they find a way to be back.

Leggit · 22/02/2017 13:10

Yes indeed, why no cast? I am pro active in that I would have just gone into school to discuss, but our school are very approachable. Not sure why you need to waste a GP appointment discussing return to school though? That's slightly OTT

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