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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

am i being precious about dd's injury

87 replies

lemondropcake · 22/02/2017 12:09

Dd had an accident which resulted in her breaking her elbow, she needed pins put in and she fell ill after the operation so has missed over a week of school.

She is keen to go back so I thought I would start putting things in place. I asked the school If I could arrange a meeting about her return and got told I would get a phone call from the head to arrange.

Its now been three days and I've not heard anything. I feel like I have embarrassed myself as I called again to come in it they keep fobbing me off.
I don't want to just send dd to school without any expectations. I'm sure they will be familiar with similar injuries but I want to know how she's going to manage and If I can do anything to make life easier for her. It's a nasty break and the Dr suggested three weeks off school but she's keen to go back now and well in herself and wants to give it a go.

Aibu to think the school should be doing more to have things in place ready for her return? Or am I being precious and expecting too much?

OP posts:

Leggit · 22/02/2017 13:10

*schools

unlucky83 · 22/02/2017 13:11

Another urging caution - it depends on the other DCs as well as yours.
When a boy broke his arm in DD's class another child 'tripped and fell'* into him - he was still wearing his cast. But it needed resetting and he ended up being off for ages - months iirc - until it was completely healed...(I think that was mainly down to his parents - and I don't blame them.)

*The child who accidentally 'tripped' definitely had issues - and doubt anyone who have been surprised if it had been on purpose but there was no evidence that it was - the same child also managed to stand on another child's broken toe ....

ApricotCrush · 22/02/2017 13:14

I don't think you're expecting too much of the school. My 6 year-old DGS broke his elbow before Christmas although it wasn't a complicated break as in your DD's case. The hospital said he could go back to school the next day if he felt up to it, but no running around, PE or going outside until the cast came off. He wasn't in any pain, so my DD took him in and saw his teacher who was happy to have him there and said she would keep an eye on him and help him with lunch, toilet etc. She even allowed a friend to stay inside with him so he wouldn't be on his own. There were no problems and he's fine now.

LouBlue1507 · 22/02/2017 13:21

The school's communication is poor and unacceptable but YABU to send your DD to school.

The doctor advised to keep DD off for 3 weeks, that's what you should be doing. It is unrealistic to expect the school to prevent anyone knocking into your DD!

RedAndYellowStripe · 22/02/2017 13:23

You're not expecting too much form the school.
They should have rung you back (that's common courtesy). Plus if you look at the GP reaction, he thought it was a GOOD THING to have a meeting to talk about going back to school so really it is a GOOD THING to have. A meeting with school as they will be the ones in firing line.

Leggit I don't think it's OTT to go and see the GP as the OP has been told her dd should be off for 3 weeks, not one. So I would have thought checking that 1- it is reasonnable to do so and 2- what are the things to put in place is a good thing to do before going ahaead.
Just like if you have a sick note for 3 weeks, you don't waltz back to work after a week wo approval from your doctor/checking with HR etc...

Megatherium · 22/02/2017 13:31

I wonder whether it's actually the head you need to see, rather than, say, the class teacher and welfare person? Or it may be that they're aiming to set up a meeting involving all of them, which does take a bit of organising?

Floggingmolly · 22/02/2017 13:45

What measures could they reasonably put in place to "ensure it's not knocked" in a room full of 6 year old's? Considering you'd actually be going against medical advice by sending her in; I'm not surprised they're less than keen...

Didiplanthis · 22/02/2017 13:45

Elbow breaks and often upper arm breaks often aren't cast as this stops the joint freezing +/- the weight of the arm helps the fracture mend in the right way . The pins will be holding the broken bits. Casts keep the bones in the correct position but arent necessarily for protection.

Italiangreyhound · 22/02/2017 13:52

Lemon wow so many things in your post!

So first off of course you are not being unreasonavble. NEVER feel 'precious' about your child, they are precious.

I thought you were going to say she was 11 or something now you say 6 I would say that you should not allow her to return until the three weeks are up. Honestly, what is she missing? You can find out from school and do some of it safely at home if you wish.

"I feel like I have embarrassed myself as I called again to come in it they keep fobbing me off." NO they have embarrassed themselves.

Do not allow her to return until you get the meeting set up, have the meeting and feel happy with the result. Tell your dd this is what is happening. No guarantees when she can return until you are happy all will be OK. She is 6 and injured, you are in charge.

Rugbyplayersarehot · 22/02/2017 13:52

Don't send her in against medical advice. 6 year olds do knock into each other. She's 6 she's hardly missing trigonometry.

Boosiehs · 22/02/2017 13:53

I had surgery to fix my broken humerus and didn't have a cast on it afterwards, just a sling. The arm gets stuck in one place otherwise!

Italiangreyhound · 22/02/2017 13:58

Leggit "Not sure why you need to waste a GP appointment discussing return to school though? That's slightly OTT"

What aspect of seeing a doctor about an injured child is OTT?

OP unless there is another issue I would personally use the next two weeks or whatever is left to prepare your dd for return to school, not allow her to return. There are no guarantees she will not be knocked. I would ask the doctor what could result from a knock or whatever on her elbow.

So the next two weeks could include:
-Organised play dates at home with friends from school either after school hours or at weekends to help her integrate socially back into school.

small amounts of work at home that will help her to cover what she has missed/will miss while off

-visits at quiet times to nice places like a quiet museum, to see a film or go get an ice cream, to help her get used to being out and about and to give her something small and fun each day to build her confidence.

MuseumOfCurry · 22/02/2017 14:00

Has it been difficult to get time off work? Why do you not want her to stay home (or am I missing something?)?

Hissy · 22/02/2017 14:05

Oh this is horrid! Poor you, poor DD!

6 is a tough age to reason with them too! My DS was 8 when he had an accident (big burns, 2 ops) and was out of action for a few weeks. We had to manage his expectations with go carting parties etc, he was upset that he might have to miss them, there were (very rare) tears etc, but he did understand. I know that had he have been younger, it would have been harder.

I also agree that you should not go against Doc advice, and absolutely have a conversation about how to manage school etc with the Doc. I hope she gets back up and running asap.

GwenStaceyRocks · 22/02/2017 14:07

If the school are aware that the GP has advised your DD should stay home for longer then it maybe flags up risk assesment/ insurance concerns for them that you want her to return against doctor's advice. They can't guarantee she won't be hurt regardless of where she sits or when she puts her coat on.

BellonaBelladonna · 22/02/2017 14:09

Do what the doctor says to do.

Upyourdaisy · 22/02/2017 14:10

I don't think ybu & I think the school definitely should have been in touch.

My dd fell and broke her foot at school and they left her as she was and I didn't even know about it until I picked her up at home time and she couldn't walk properly. I phoned them the next day to let them know and wanted to arrange a meeting with the head about how I didn't even get a phone call, the head phoned (instead of the meeting I'd requested) and basically said "these things happen"

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 22/02/2017 14:11

Considering you'd actually be going against medical advice by sending her in; I'm not surprised they're less than keen

I'm not either. A school can't guarantee that your DD won't be knocked and medical advice is that she is kept off.

Upyourdaisy · 22/02/2017 14:11

She was only 6 at the time as well

thunderbuddy · 22/02/2017 14:11

I think you need to keep her off longer, six year olds are rough and tumble and rush everywhere, I have seen a child in this situation be bumped in to and knocked over and it was not very pleasant, please keep her off for the time your hospital suggested as you cannot take the risk.

In regards to school can you not pop along one morning or at home time with her and see if you can catch her teacher or the head. It is crap that they have not rang you back.

Italiangreyhound · 22/02/2017 14:14

Is she Year one or Year two, OP, lemondropcake?

Re "I have turned into a soft touch. I can't seem to say no to her just now. Had to cancel her birthday party as it was soft play and I can't get anything booked, her birthday is three weeks away and everywhere is booked up....She loves school and is frustrated and upset and as you say she looks perfectly well on the outside. Different doctors say different things. It's all been a nightmare."

This all sounds so hard. But you must be the boss and be in charge, get rid of the soft touch. Find another activity she might like for birthday, pottery painting, cinema visit etc and book it up for the week or month after her birthday. Or do something at home jewelery making, or have an exotic animals person bring their menagerie to your house, or pottery painting at home, whatever. Once she finds something she is happy with and you have decided and booked it all, you will maybe feel better. You can send out the invitations and dd will have something to look forward to for later. She can still get all the family gifts on the day.

She must be upset etc and it is hard but you need to stay in charge.

The school are wrong to not reply sooner but I think you need your own ducks in a row as to whether it really is best to return now before you speak to the school.

If different docs say different things, which one seems the best qualified, specialist etc. I'd really go on the side of caution here. A couple of weeks off school is really no big deal IMHO.

RainbowChasing · 22/02/2017 14:19

It really annoys when ill and injured children are sent into school before they're ready to go back "because they want to go back". Firstly, you're the parent so tell her no. Secondly, most parents who insist that their children want to go into school poorly are only saying it because they need to get back to work. You have been advised that she needs 3 weeks off and you should follow that. I have seen children sent back too soon and damaging their broken limbs again setting their recovery back even further. It isn't everyone else's responsibility not to cause her further discomfort. The school can try and do certain things to make it easier but it's inevitable that she'll get bumped and they can't guarantee she won't get a further injury.

The school should have rung you back to discuss this though. Poor form on their part.

Italiangreyhound · 22/02/2017 14:21

headake "The chair so she doesn't sit next to others" and "packed lunch, both sound a bit silly."

"They won't prevent knocks in crowded corridors & queuing up or stop her from running at playtime and all the other opportunities she'll get that are just as or more likely to get knocked than carpet time & lunch queue."

The chair is so she is not sitting on the floor, so not having trouble getting up.

The packed lunch is so she doesn't join the lunch queue.

These both sound very sensible to me and could happen when she returns even if she is off for the full three weeks if necessary.

If she doesn't queue up for lunch then she won't be queuing up in corridors, as 6 year olds usually spend almost all their time in the class except at lunch (and for breaks, and the OP said she won't have outdoor play as that was requested by doctor, no outdoor play).

Upyourdaisy by 'these things happen' did she mean children being injured or schools being crap!?

The injury thing, yes, it does happen, she's not doing what they should when children are injured, not acceptable.

Dragongirl10 · 22/02/2017 14:25

Sorry op but l think you are being reckless to send her in, other 6 year olds coud bump, knock her push her over etc...think how you would feel if her elbow was damaged for the sake of a couple of weeks...its not worth the risk.

Upyourdaisy · 22/02/2017 14:26

I assume about kids getting hurt, I know it's inevitable, but to leave a 6 year old with a broken foot is definitely shit.

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