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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

am i being precious about dd's injury

87 replies

lemondropcake · 22/02/2017 12:09

Dd had an accident which resulted in her breaking her elbow, she needed pins put in and she fell ill after the operation so has missed over a week of school.

She is keen to go back so I thought I would start putting things in place. I asked the school If I could arrange a meeting about her return and got told I would get a phone call from the head to arrange.

Its now been three days and I've not heard anything. I feel like I have embarrassed myself as I called again to come in it they keep fobbing me off.
I don't want to just send dd to school without any expectations. I'm sure they will be familiar with similar injuries but I want to know how she's going to manage and If I can do anything to make life easier for her. It's a nasty break and the Dr suggested three weeks off school but she's keen to go back now and well in herself and wants to give it a go.

Aibu to think the school should be doing more to have things in place ready for her return? Or am I being precious and expecting too much?

OP posts:

sodorisland · 22/02/2017 14:28

I would keep her off personally. My son broke his upper arm bone 2 years ago and was off for 4 weeks. Kids get bumped and nudged at school so i think it wouod be better to keeo her home until the orthopeadic dr she should see about the break says its ok to go back.

charliebear78 · 22/02/2017 14:37

I broke my elbow and had pins put in place last year and I would not have wanted to be in that kind of situation where I could be banged into etc.(I nearly climbed the walls if my toddler/older child/dogs/partner came within a foot of my elbow lol)Children do heal quicker but still!
Eating,using the loo etc all a major pain in the ass.

Sundance01 · 22/02/2017 14:45

Just a thought - did you mention to the school when you called about the 3 week advice? Maybe they thought you meant discussing her return then - therefore there is plenty of time to speak to you.

diddl · 22/02/2017 14:52

I'd keep her off.

She'd need someone with her all the time wouldn't she, walking with her, taking her to the toilet, sitting with her when her class are outside?

Noodoodle · 22/02/2017 14:55

OP I would keep her off too, but the school should have called you out of curtesy, even if just to say they won't accept her back yet.

My ds haf pins after a nasty wrist break and we had a quick meeting with the h&s officer regarding what they would put in place once he went back. No cast, just one of those wrist splints, but he was home for a week and a half before going back to make sure the first and most important part of healing went as well as possible. An elbow is very important, and school for 6 year olds is something that can easily be done at home for a short time. With other pp I would also urge you to keep dd home to heal as docs have advised regardless of whether she wants to go in or not. Maybe explain to her that although she obviously enjoys school and wants to go, if her elbow is knocked and further injured it will really set her recovery back.

mygorgeousmilo · 22/02/2017 15:01

It's not good that they've ignored your calls, but if the doctor says three weeks, perhaps it should be three weeks

MatildaTheCat · 22/02/2017 15:02

She should be able to attend and the class teacher is surely the one who you need to speak to about any adjustments? If the GP say it's ok then it is ok.

Re coats and shoes etc it would be safest if she went last rather than first. It's a pain but that's how planes deal with disabled passengers. Less likely to get bumped when everyone else has gone.

Many, many children break bones and attend school with their injuries so it can hardly be the first time bathe school have dealt with this. I just don't see it as an issue for the head.

Lottie4 · 22/02/2017 15:06

My DD had an operation when she was eight. She had two weeks off school, doctors told me she was allowed back to school but to avoid playground, PE, busy corridors etc. I phoned the school and told them this. She was allowed to have her lunch in reception (the girls in her class were lovely and set up a rota for sitting with her during this time - even ones that she didn't normally mix with). She was also allowed to leave class a few mins early for lunch/end of day to avoid the rush.

Phone the school again, explain she'd love to come back to school and you don't want her to miss any more, and what your requirements are. I'm sure they can accommodate it. If it's too much, then maybe she could go in after others have sat down and just do a couple of hours, with you picking her up at break time. That way, you can collect any worksheets, she can practice reading and writing that's being taught in class.

TheMysteriousJackelope · 22/02/2017 15:09

The school may not want to tell you how they are going to cope with your DD's injuries because they are not medically trained and any recommendations they make could result in her being hurt.

Your DD's doctor is the one who should be writing to the school explaining what your DD can and cannot do, and what accommodations she needs. The school can then see if they can comply with the doctor's instructions. If they can't then they can advise on how your DD can keep up with her schoolwork in the meantime.

I would take the doctor's note in to give to your DD's teacher and the school nurse (or equivalent). Once your DD is back at school give copies to the PE teacher, any other teachers your DD has, and the front office. Make sure they know which doctor to contact in an emergency e.g. if your DD has an orthopedic surgeon as opposed to her GP handling her injury.

imnotalpharius · 22/02/2017 15:09

I have found it unusual for Doctors to suggest an amount of time to take off, so as they have done I would listen to it. Use the time to make plans with the school for when she returns.

whatsthepointofmorgan · 22/02/2017 15:21

She goes to breakfast club so I would want to know if that's still possible.

Is her being home causing problems with you going to work?
Is that why you want her to go back before the Doctor's recommended time of 3 weeks off school?

I know a lot of parents use breakfast club as a babysitting service, because they have to go into work early.

Idefix · 22/02/2017 15:25

Matilda why would you take the word of the GP over the first doctor who was presumably the orthopaedic doc?

I can imagine that it must be hard having a keen dd wanting to be in school and I can imagine since you mention breakfast and after school club that you are feeling under pressure regarding work but please op keep her off.

If two Drs in the hospital told you conflicting information regarding time off school that is really poor practice. Dn had a supracondylar fracture with a dislocation when she was in reception, she was off school for 4 weeks and still ended up with complications. Dn is now 9 and her elbow is not completely straight.

It is tough but I would be exploring other options such as family or friends to help care for your dd.

Original poster

lemondropcake · 22/02/2017 17:48

When dd first had the accident they said three weeks but another Dr at another hospital she was transferred to said one week. That's why I'm pondering on sending her back. I'm not sending her in because she said she is bored but because in herself she is well. That's why I have a gp appt tomorrow for a definate answer. I'm not just trying to get rid of her.

I disagree, I'm not wasting a bloody gp appointment! The gp didn't think so! And yes sitting in a chair at school and not queuing in the lunch line will prevent knocks. It's not a guarantee she won't be knocked but it's a good preventative measure in a busy area.
she does have a full plaster cast.

OP posts:

Idefix · 22/02/2017 18:35

A full hard plaster might make it more suitable for going back to school, if the school feel they can meet her needs. Dn did not have a cast.

But even the GP can't trump what the school feel able to support so it may be worth keeping that in mind too.

Hope dd heals well op.

MummaGiles · 22/02/2017 20:01

Absolutely she doesn't have to have a cast. I broke my elbow when abroad and was put in a hand to upper arm cast, locking my elbow in place. When I got back to the UK I went to the hospital to essentially get into the system for follow up care and they immediately took the cast off because it's not necessary and could do more harm than good by freezing the joint.

I hope your DD starts feeling better soon, it's a painful one! (I am a veteran of 2 broken wrists, 1 broken elbow and 1 broken foot!)

WildwestWind · 22/02/2017 20:27

I think a visit to the doctor is sensible to check what your daughter can and can't do, then make an appt with school to discuss a risk assessment. Perhaps a phased return may be appropriate here.

Allthewaves · 22/02/2017 20:48

Your micro managing a bit. Ds broken his elbow one month into reception. He was in hospital a wk getting pinned and aftercare. I just phoned the school and spoke to his teacher that it would be ok for him to come in as he wanted to go. Only stipulation was he had to stay on a rug at break/lunch time and play with toys - he was very popular!

Allthewaves · 22/02/2017 20:53

The pins stabled the fracture greatly and he had a big cast on. His reception teacher is very experienced so knew how to handle him, plus it's only a 1 class intake. She just kept him until last for coats and stuff. Other kids got his stuff for him as she kept him sat at his desk even during carpet time.

Allthewaves · 22/02/2017 20:54

It's even more fun when hospital pulls wires out with a pair of bog standard diy pliers

JustKeepPaddling · 22/02/2017 21:04

As a teacher I wouldn't mi d making any of these adjustments but obviously couldn't promise she wouldn't get knocked. My little ones can be so unaware of others around them at times! But I would try to do it as well as I could, last thing I'd want is a child getting hurt!

Why don't you speak to the teacher directly? Not that I don't think it's bad leadership haven't responded to you as I do not think that's on. But most of these adjustments will be in class/the teachers responsibility. If a child stays in or whatever I organise it. It might be easier to get hold of them? Also then the teacher has first hand information.

Girliefriendlikesflowers · 22/02/2017 21:04

Are you off work with her? I can imagine that would be stressful,i have no doubt my work would make me take it as unpaid leave😡

The school should have rung you back but for a nasty break I would think two weeks off minimum. Does she still require calpol etc during the day?

JustKeepPaddling · 22/02/2017 21:09

Also sometimes it might be easier to get anappintment with slt through the teacher. I've had parents before who wanted to speak to someone else about something or I suggested they should. I'd then go speak to deputy or whatever. So that might work? I know it's slightly ridiculous though as you should have been phoned back.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 22/02/2017 21:10

Her poor little elbow, bless her. No way are you being too precious. This is broken bone. Not a bloody grazed knee.
To say the Authorities are so obsessed with children being in school. They're not exactly moving fast.

pishedoff · 22/02/2017 22:08

whatsthepointofmorgan- what other reason would you use breakfast club if it wasn't for parents to be able to get to work?

LouBlue1507 · 23/02/2017 08:10

In the meantime a teacher loses their lunch break to sit in with your DD? Keep her off like you were advised!

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