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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Birthday Party, WWYD?

105 replies

dippylongstocking · 20/02/2017 23:09

DS (soon to be 7) handed out invitations at school today for birthday party at end of March. Within 10 minutes of school ending the mother of one of Ds's classmates sent me a text saying 'Sorry, X won't be at DS's party because X's party is at same time.'
I replied, saying 'Never mind, have fun.'
I assumed that would be the end of the conversation, but got reply almost immediately saying 'X has invited most of class so don't expect many to come to DS's party. I'd rearrange if I were you.'
DH thinks it was rude of her to suggest we should rearrange, but I'm not sure if she was trying to spare DS's feelings when his friends don't come to his party.
I don't want DS to be disappointed, but its the only time we can really do anything because of other family birthdays etc, so cant really rearrange it.
I'm quite new to the birthday party thing, and I tend to over-worry about stuff, so just wanted to see what you guys think?

OP posts:

DontstepontheMomeRaths · 20/02/2017 23:14

I think she's trying to spare DS's feelings. As if that invite went out first, a lot of parents will have already replied to that invite.

Tone of voice doesn't come across on text and maybe she replied in a hurry. Don't over think.

Wolfiefan · 20/02/2017 23:15

I don't think she was rude. Wouldn't you want to know why so many people were refusing your invitation? Couldn't you rearrange for earlier or later the same day or even a couple of weeks later?
DS had a friend who had a birthday the same day. After the first year, when we both had parties on the same day, we liaised with his parents so as not to clash!!

Pancakeflipper · 20/02/2017 23:17

Problem is if the other child's invites were sent out before yours. If they've invited your DS's good friends. And if the parents think "we've accepted an invite already, can't cancel and go to another party cos that's rude'.
Then your DS may not have many coming to his party. Would he be bothered by that ?

mikado1 · 20/02/2017 23:19

Don't think she meant to be rude. Obvs the birthday dc's are not friendly or they could have doubled up.. how many have you invited, how many of those invited to other? Wait a day or two and see when you know more. Another time of the day is a good idea. This reminds me of two children in a school I worked in and the second mum came in to lay in to the teacher for not telling her about first party.. cue no invitations given out in school rule!

Astro55 · 20/02/2017 23:20

Well she may well have had information replies and it's unlikely mums would agree to yours at the expense of hers - but also - those who haven't now have a choice and shes worried

I think she's just giving you a heads up- saying that if the whole class was invited where was your DS invite?

PuddleJumper01 · 20/02/2017 23:24

can you ask any mutual friend whether their DC has already had an invite? If other child's invites have gone out already, then the woman is right, because those invited may well have committed to her party. If they haven't gone out yet, then the families/children will pick one, and who is to say they won't pick yours. Unless their invite is to some laser quest amazing thing.

We had a child with a b.day on the same day in primary school. The other mum came and spoke to me when they were about 5 to say she didn't want us to have clashing parties because her DS wanted to invite my DD, so we rolled ours on to the next weekend. NEVER AGAIN. Their party was TERRIBLE. Literally the ONLY party I've EVER been to where the children came BACK to the food table because eating was the most interesting thing happening. And when her DS came to DD's party (the only guest I insisted on, she chose the rest) he was totally out of control.

I never bothered liaising with her again, because i figured if other kids wanted to go to his party over DD they could, and we'd still have enough to make a fun party (but they were different sexes and so had different friends and interests as they went through primary school).

TheWinterOfOurDiscountTents · 20/02/2017 23:28

She's trying to be helpful. You have arranged a party for a time when another kid in the class is having a party, and they have obviously invited first. Of course you don't have to rearrange, but then you risk having no guests from the class.

I don't know how you can rude from that. Rude would be letting you go ahead and having no idea why you were getting so many no thanks to your invite.

altiara · 20/02/2017 23:29

I don't think it was rude in one way, eg you don't want to have a party where DS's school friends can't come but she's also saying all of DS's friends are going to X's party and DS isn't invited!
What would I do? Depends on numbers- if most of class, I'd rearrange, if not I'd check personally with his best friends parents this week if they can make it and then decide.
I have in the past rearranged DDs party as it clashed with someone else's (she was 7!). Now they're older and just have a few friends over it's great! (No I'm lying as DD had a sleepover party)

Original poster

dippylongstocking · 20/02/2017 23:29

According to DS, the other child gave his invitations out today too. DS and other boy not overly friendly, so DS not expected to be invited. DS invited whole class, because party is in friend's barn so no extra cost per head.

OP posts:

WidowTwonky · 20/02/2017 23:33

Did you get any other responses yet?

Original poster

dippylongstocking · 20/02/2017 23:35

Yes, I've had 2 'yes' replies, and 1 'no'. (But the no is because the little girl will be in hospital, not at the other party!)

OP posts:

mikado1 · 20/02/2017 23:38

Well agree with ds a minimum number he's happy with and go with it. Assume he understands now they can't all come because of clash.

PippaFawcett · 20/02/2017 23:40

We had a clash when DD started reception but I had no idea! We were new to the school so I had no idea why no-one was replying. Eventually half the class responded to say they could come and I invited lots of other friends too to bump up the numbers and it was only later that I found out another child had her party at the same time. DD hadn't been invited so I had no idea! I'm not sure why her DMum or DDad didn't reply to say 'thanks but we are having our own party' - it was a party for boys so they could have used that as the excuse.

RitaMills · 20/02/2017 23:43

Little bit cheeky of her if both boys handed out invitations today, she has no way of knowing which party the majority will go to.

I would've rearranged if possible purely to save both boys feelings as I'm sure one of them will be dissapointed with numbers, since you can't I'd let her know just to maybe give her the opportunity to rearrange. The situation sucks but neither of you were to know.

WidowTwonky · 20/02/2017 23:44

I agree it's a bit cheeky if invites went out at same time.

AbernathysFringe · 20/02/2017 23:46

It is quite rude. Expects you to rearrange. Your son isn't invited even though 'most of the class' is.
Text back saying, oh dear, we can't rearrange unfortunately. Is it impossible to from your end? PA but I think hers is too.

kateandme · 20/02/2017 23:47

text email words on a page are so harsh even if meant in the kindest of ways.i get this from my mum and she couldn't be more loving,so it proves emtion connot be conveyed via this way.
I think try take it as her being kind.thinkng good of her first before doubting motives. could she simply want to quickly save your ds from more refusals.and the only way to do this would be short and to the point as in chick quick change it before he finds out people are saying no!

WidowTwonky · 20/02/2017 23:48

But kate that's only true if she text the same advice to the other mum. We don't know that she did, so assume she's being rather rude to OP

SheRaaarghPrincessOfPower · 20/02/2017 23:52

Cheeky bitch, she's trying to control the situation.

I've had this. She tried to push DS out, claim the weekend for her party. It was just weird. I suggested to everybody that it could be a joint party, it worked out well

LadyHelenOfShitsville · 20/02/2017 23:53

Was a bit presumptuous if both sets of invites were handed out today. I imagine she is friendly with the other child's parents?

Difficult - why should you rearrange because of another child's party which yours is not invited to. Would take a bit of the sting out if he had been!

I would style it out. How many do you need to have a good party? Size of barn etc?

Andylion · 20/02/2017 23:53

Even before the OP's update I assumed the worst; that the other mum was trying to get the OP to cancel so the children would go to her DC's party and not the OP's.

If invites to both parties were handed out today she was being quite presumptuous in saying the most of the class would be at hers.

PurpleMinionMummy · 20/02/2017 23:54

If invites went out at the same time I think it's incredibly rude for her to imply most won't come to your ds' party. Plus why should you rearrange?

WidowTwonky · 20/02/2017 23:55

I don't think the other mum was hosting the party - just advising OP there was another child having a party at the same time. Probably friendly with the other mum I'd guess

goingmadinthecountry · 20/02/2017 23:57

Happened to dd1 (now 23) at pre-school - she had invited everyone but wasn't invited to other party because party girl was a couple of years older.

I did the grown up bit and sent out a jokey note about how the children had more exciting social lives than us, what a faux pas etc. Worked well and I gained cool mummy points. Sometimes someone just has to do the grown up thing for the sake of the children.

I hope you get it sorted - people turning up is such an issue for little ones.

CrazyCavalierLady · 21/02/2017 00:02

Why must people always assume the worst? Unless you are the type of person who sets out to upset and abuse others on a regular basis I'm at a loss to understand why so many people judge others to be? This is your child's friend's mum. Surely the assumption is she's trying to help?

If you can't change the date you can't change. Not everyone invites the whole class, with any luck the other party will be limited numbers and your DS will pick up all the others. No party gets 100% attendance and you've said yourself you are flexible due to your venue so just wait and see.

Happy birthday to your DS

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