Birthday Party, WWYD?

[dippylongstocking]

DS (soon to be 7) handed out invitations at school today for birthday party at end of March. Within 10 minutes of school ending the mother of one of Ds's classmates sent me a text saying 'Sorry, X won't be at DS's party because X's party is at same time.'
I replied, saying 'Never mind, have fun.'
I assumed that would be the end of the conversation, but got reply almost immediately saying 'X has invited most of class so don't expect many to come to DS's party. I'd rearrange if I were you.'
DH thinks it was rude of her to suggest we should rearrange, but I'm not sure if she was trying to spare DS's feelings when his friends don't come to his party.
I don't want DS to be disappointed, but its the only time we can really do anything because of other family birthdays etc, so cant really rearrange it.
I'm quite new to the birthday party thing, and I tend to over-worry about stuff, so just wanted to see what you guys think?

[LilQueenie]

is the parent who text you the parent of the other child holding the party?

[dippylongstocking]

Yes, WidowTwonky, the other mum is hosting the party.

I think I'll leave it a day or two just to see how many replies come in. DS's best friends have said yes, and his cousins will be there too. DS will have a good time even if only a few people show up.

[maybeIamtoo]

We had situation like this in Reception, but instead of overthinking the whole situation I talked to the other mum and we've found a solution. Basically we moved our party to the following weekend, as it was easier for us (she had family coming over from aboard, tickets booked etc.

Of course I could've go ahead with the original date, but i didn't want upset DD and also none of us wanted to put the invited kids parents into awkward position (choosing which party go to)
It can be done without upsetting anyone, all it takes is open conversation and good will.
Good luck OP
I don't think the mum who informed you about another party was rude, I think she tried to save you and your son disappointment.

[Bubbinsmakesthree]

Is the parent who texted you the mother of the the child with the clashing party? Makes quite a big difference to how rude or otherwise it is!

[anklebitersmum]

I'd leave it where it is. You already have a couple of yes's from school, DS's best mates and his cousins, plenty for a good time.

I always tell the biters that it's all about quality not quantity and that friends who turn up will be there because they genuinely like the biter in question rather than are addicted to party food

[Mummyoflittledragon]

I'd either send the cool mummy faux pas text or talk to the other mum. Perhaps you can't change the date. It would be nice to manage the situation. It happens and is annoying. Sometimes clashes occur. Best not to overthink things.

[GreyStars]

Given the fact it's her child's party I think she was being very rude indeed, she could have spoken to you in a far nicer "let's sort this out" way.

[MovingOnUpMovingOnOut]

She is rude. Ignore her because she doesn't own the date and your son's friends have said they would come. If she had been polite and reasonable and looking to come to a compromise then I would have suggested being polite and reasonable too!

She hasn't even the good manners to invite the whole class yet expects you to move to accommodate her choice of date. Bonkers.

[maybeIamtoo]

Grey and Moving could you please read OP posts, lady who texted OP is NOT the one who's party clashing with OPs party. She's mother of child invited to OP son party . I hope it's clear now.

And what is wrong with not inviting the whole class?
I think in Reception then Y1 it's the norm, but Y2,Y3 and so on they tend to change into smaller,basically with close friends, with children they really play with. My DD is in Y2 and so far this school year she's been invited to 6 parties and none of them where the whole class thing.

[TheDowagerCuntess]

maybe - the OP has said the other mum is hosting the party (it's her DC's party).

I'm confused now.

[AlmostAJillSandwich]

maybe actually you're the one needs to read OP's posts, the mother who text her IS the mother whose child also has a party on the same day.

[MovingOnUpMovingOnOut]

I did read them thank you maybeIamtoo and unlike you I understood them.

Maybe an eye test of a lesson in basic reading comprehension is in order? Or just try not to be such a patronising arse? Or at least get your facts straight if you must be a patronising arse

[anklebitersmum]

dippylongstocking Tue 21-Feb-17 00:02:39
Yes, WidowTwonky, the other mum is hosting the party.

for clarification

[ThumbWitchesAbroad]

Mum who texted is the mum organising the other party.
Yes it could be seen as being kind, or it could be "you should move your party because I won't". Except OP can't move her party, so either Other Party Mum (of X) will have to move X's party, or accept that there is a clash and understand that some people will prefer to go to OP's party instead. And some probably won't.

[JigglyTuff]

She's rude.

[ALittleMop]

Her tone is rude
Her intention is probably not
It's a bit of a cock up that it is on the same day - presuming you're in Y2 then both sets of parents might have foreseen this, esp if planning to invite whole class? The problem is the clashing - for the guests rather than the hosts tbh, why make them choose between their mates? Can you not discuss with the other kids' parents and see about staggering times somehow?

[cricketballs]

why make them choose between their mates?

^this^

The solution that my parents came up with was alternating parties - one year they hosted the next year my birthday twin's parents hosted! Meant that we had a party every year that all could attend

[TaliDiNozzo]

Other mum is definitely being rude now you've said she is the host! How nasty of her to send what she did in light of that! She can move her party if she thinks the clash will matter that much.

My guess is she's worried about numbers at her child's party because of your child's party and is trying to eliminate the competition. So pathetic and wildly missing the point that this is a child's birthday party!

[TaliDiNozzo]

I had a birthday buddy as well growing up. We either had joint parties or our mum's behaved like grown ups and talked about this well before the date. Not behaved like other party mum!

[minisoksmakehardwork]

Mum was definitely rude in suggesting immediately that your son wouldn't get many attending because kids will be going to her son's party. I quite expect she's the type who will now be sucking up to other parents to ensure her precious has more attendees.

However, imo there are two ways to handle this. You could see how many replies you get by your deadline, asking other mum in the meantime what time her party is as you're looking at options (better if you have a mutual friend who you can ask so other mum doesn't try to push her agenda). Then, either keep yours as it is if son will be happy with the invitees who can make it. Or change the time so more children can come.

Mine have done 2 parties in one day so it can work, especially if one is around lunch and the other tea time.

However, my inclination is to avoid changing if possible and just make a note for following years to either get invites out earlier or have it on a different day/weekend.

Does your ds do any out of school clubs he could invite friends from? Mine wants to invite his whole class plus beaver and football friends this year. There are just 2 boys who fall into more than one group!!

[ItsNiceItsDifferentItsUnusual]

Actually I do think she's rude. She could have phrased it differently, ie 'just to give you the heads up, x's party is also that day'. No need to say 'don't expect many to come' or to make it clear that 'most' of the class is invited, minus your ds.

[NormaSmuff]

if this is the only date you can do there is not much you can do about it, my dc sometimes had two parties in one day.

i guess the other mum was more straight forward and to the point and thought it was a good idea for you to change. fair enough. when my dd had a party the same day as another girl some didnt come but it was totally ok

[Almahart]

Why on earth was it rude? She's going you the heads up so you can have a big birthday party for your son

It's not her fault your invitations went out after theirs

It sounds as if your son will be happy with a small party anyway, so it will all work out but I really think she was trying to help

[omnishamblesssssssssssssss]

She was clearly trying to be helpful.

I'd carry in but have a much smaller party. Which is a bonus!!

Next m year check with the other birthday boys parents about party dates

[ChocolateButton15]

Can you just time it with the mum so one party in morning and one in the afternoon? I would take my 4 year to two parties if they was spaced out so can't see why older children wouldn't do two.