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AIBU?

Birthday Party, WWYD?

105 replies

dippylongstocking · 20/02/2017 23:09

DS (soon to be 7) handed out invitations at school today for birthday party at end of March. Within 10 minutes of school ending the mother of one of Ds's classmates sent me a text saying 'Sorry, X won't be at DS's party because X's party is at same time.'
I replied, saying 'Never mind, have fun.'
I assumed that would be the end of the conversation, but got reply almost immediately saying 'X has invited most of class so don't expect many to come to DS's party. I'd rearrange if I were you.'
DH thinks it was rude of her to suggest we should rearrange, but I'm not sure if she was trying to spare DS's feelings when his friends don't come to his party.
I don't want DS to be disappointed, but its the only time we can really do anything because of other family birthdays etc, so cant really rearrange it.
I'm quite new to the birthday party thing, and I tend to over-worry about stuff, so just wanted to see what you guys think?

OP posts:

Report

dippylongstocking · 21/02/2017 07:29

Thanks everyone for your comments. I've never been in this situation before as the other child is new to the school this year, and in previous years DS has just taken a couple of friends to cinema/pizza. I'll see if I can catch the other mum in the playground this morning.

OP posts:

WateryTart · 21/02/2017 07:30

If she's organising the other party then she was being rude. She's worried that people will go to yours and not hers.

omnishamblesssssssssssssss · 21/02/2017 07:32

Because the invites were given out at the same day, you'll probably find that the kids will choose which birthday party they attend based on friendships.

Don't change the date. Text the lady back and say 'thankyou for mentioning this. We will go a head with the party as planned but will expect lower numbers'

BellsaRinging · 21/02/2017 07:37

I don't think she was rude-better to let you know straight away the reason why some were likely to turn down your party. She's not to know you have no alternate time and probably thought that telling you straight away would enable you to change the time/day. Given that her invitations went out first I would assume that the 'rule'would be that if anyone was going to change it would be you, because you were the later with the invitations and because she (and I) would think that manners dictate that the parents who have already accepted her invitation won't change their minds because another option has come up.
If you don't/can't change the time then that's obviously fine, but by telling you at least you have avoided the angst of trying to figure out why everyone's turning your party down without telling you why!

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 21/02/2017 07:46

I thought the op said the invitations went out the same day?

dippylongstocking · 21/02/2017 07:47

Her invitations didn't go out first! Both boys gave them out yesterday.

OP posts:

Bubbinsmakesthree · 21/02/2017 07:49

Her tone is rude
Her intention is probably not

This (hopefully!). If their invites only went out at the same time it's not very polite to suggest people will choose her DS's party over yours, or make it your job to rearrange. But hopefully she was meaning to be helpful.

If numbers aren't a big concern you could leave it, but it might be worth speaking to her to find out the exact what/where/when of her DS's party to see if you could possibly shift the times of one or both of the parties so that people have the option to attend both.

Boulshired · 21/02/2017 07:51

The original OP should have been a lot clearer, as she is the host she should have texted in a more consulting than telling you way. She is trying to stream roller you.

Penfold007 · 21/02/2017 07:51

Of course the other mother has been rude. She has basically said My child is more popular than your child, so their party is more important. She is equally able to find another date. OP is right to leave it a few days and see what happens before considering changing the date.

Aeroflotgirl · 21/02/2017 07:54

I don't know, I suppose it was good of her to inform you, just in case you get a load of no. I would just see what you get, and take it from there. If you get one or two yes, than cancel, if there is more, just have the party.

anotherdayanothersquabble · 21/02/2017 08:01

Good luck! We had similar one year.. email to the whole class, mine went out first. We had a long discussion and eventually agreed that I would move my daughter's party. (Because I am a lovely person!!) The children all came to both but had a better time at ours!!!

Spacecadet14 · 21/02/2017 08:04

Why don't you negotiate with the mum to change the time of party to avoid a clash, rather than change the date? A couple of times a year my DD is invited to one party starting around lunchtime and another at teatime because two friends have birthdays at the same time. Bedtime is a nightmare as she's so jacked up on sugar by the end of the day but at least she gets to celebrate with both her friends!

RitaMills · 21/02/2017 08:07

The OP couldn't be any clearer - 'Sorry, X won't be at DS's party because X's party is at same time.'

If she wasn't the hosting parent that line would've been - 'Sorry, X won't be at DS's party because Y's party is at same time.'

TheDowagerCuntess · 21/02/2017 08:09

I've gone back and re-read the OP to see what the exchange was, and I do think she was rude. I don't often think people IRL are rude, either.

I mean,

but got reply almost immediately saying 'X has invited most of class so don't expect many to come to DS's party. I'd rearrange if I were you.'

"X has invited most of the class..." But not the OP's DS!

"...so don't expect many to come to DS's party". The invitations have gone out on the same day - who is she to assume which child will get the most acceptances?!

"I'd rearrange if it were you". Or she could rearrange. Why is the onus on the OP?

She is either rude or socially inept. Sorry, but we all know how easy it would have been to reframe that text in a much friendlier, warmer, conciliatory tone.

Aeroflotgirl · 21/02/2017 08:10

What I read it as, the woman who sent the message, not being the party boys mother, but another child's mother. If the invites are sent out at the same time, whos to think that people will not go to your ds party, they might be friends more with your son, than the other boy.

Aeroflotgirl · 21/02/2017 08:12

Oh right, the mum who text you, is the other party boys mother, very rude then! Who she to say who will come to your sons birthday or not, for all she knows the others might be more friendly with your son.

PurpleMinionMummy · 21/02/2017 08:18

Why should op negotiate? She's been told by the other mum most kids won't attend her ds party - very rude, and suggested she change her party - also rude.

If the other mum was genuinely concerned about the kids missing out surely SHE would have suggested they get together to work something out or she would have offered to change HER ds' party? But she has done neither, because she thinks her ds' party is more important.

If she didn't want to collaborate or work something out she could just have explained her ds was also having a party the same day and left it at that. No need to tell op she should change her dates as most wouldn't come to hers.

Just have your party. Sometimes things clash and people have to choose. It's really not a big deal. The other mum is just making it one.

Lilypurple · 21/02/2017 08:26

When you see the mum just say hi and ignore the text unless she brings it. When she brings it up say you can't rearrange and you're not worried anyway. I'm sure there are enough kids fir both parties. Don't start getting stressed! Her text was rude and and she is not trying to do You a favour. Put ur poker face on and countdown to the day the party is over 😂

HandsomeDevil · 21/02/2017 08:33

it's helpful to give you an early warning about a potential clash.
it's slightly cheeky to assume that you should bear the sole responsibility for rearranging. the polite thing to to would be to see who (if anyone) has any flexibility over dates/times.

if I did have any flexibility I'd do what I could to minimise a clash. if I didn't I wouldn't worry overly, but perhaps send some extra invitations to kids in different classes or outside of school.

JigglyTuff · 21/02/2017 08:38

Totally agree with PurpleMinionMummy

dippylongstocking · 21/02/2017 08:48

Just seen other mum at school. Turns out that her DS's actual birthday was last Thursday, but she didn't want to have the party during half term, so they're having it five weeks later! I've had a couple more yes replies this morning, so I'm not going to rearrange. There are 13 children confirmed so far, including DS and cousins, so we'll have a lovely time anyway.

OP posts:

Aeroflotgirl · 21/02/2017 09:04

Yes you will have a fantastic time, that is plenty.

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Aeroflotgirl · 21/02/2017 09:06

You will probably have more to come as well.

Ameliablue · 21/02/2017 09:08

I suspect she said most people will come to hers because she's hoping you will change as actually she is a worried it will be the other way round and not many will go to her child's.

GallivantingWildebeest · 21/02/2017 09:09

Good update, OP! FWIW, the other mum was rude. Party 5 weeks after bday - but she wants you to rearrange?

She could have worded her text much more pleasantly too. (But I give her full marks for using the subjunctive correctly )

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