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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be miffed about a guilt trip from Ds Beavers Group

88 replies

cheekybean · 08/02/2017 19:11

DS attends a Beavers group. Recently the leader has left and no permanent replacement has been found. The group has now said parents are to take it over or it will close.

When I dropped ds off tonight, i was approached by four staff each lecturing me on how my child will miss out due to parents being selfish and treating it like childcare. I ended up feeling like the closure was entirely my fault!! I picked up my newborn baby, my 4yr old dd and said cheerio to ds1. They approached and lectured every parent, leaving us all pissed off. The reason i let my ds go to beavers was to boost his confidence and me being there would defeat the object.

I know that these groups are run by volunteers but surelyit is not a case of a parent simply taking over. There must be planning, crb checks, badge activities, trip planning, risk assessements etc etc. I ran a playgroup so i know its not just an hour of your time.

Am i being unreasonable to be annoyed? I have contacted another group tonight to see if ds can go there until he starts cubs next year

OP posts:

gamerchick · 08/02/2017 19:14

I wouldn't take kindly to that either. It's almost like the whole thing is bregudged anyway

Broccolirevolution · 08/02/2017 19:19

I see your point completely. With your little ones you probably don't have time.
Unfortunately they are probably correct - without a leader it will have to stop. They are coming across desperate to parents because they are desperate. They see the good Beavers does the kids and they are trying to keep it going. They probably haven't thought through how they made you feel though.
You might have to find your DS a new activity.

blankpieceofpaper · 08/02/2017 19:20

They really will be that desperate - huge lack of volunteers.

sunnyshowers · 08/02/2017 19:21

Your right is not an hour here or there is a commitment. To be fair hibernate the ahe's of your kids it's not b the right for right now for you and they know this.
The thing is it will close, ratios etc so they need new helpers. A new helper isn't as valuable as an experienced scout but you learn.
My kids are older and I joined under the same pressure as you but I love it now.

Id hatext of our group closed. ..I ve put do much into it is be so upset. ..this is where they're coming from. They're mourning so is different perspectives that's all. Hopefully someone will step up.
Remember its voluntary...

Allthebestnamesareused · 08/02/2017 19:26

Respond if they approach you again as follows:

Yes it would be a shame if it has to close. As you can see I have a newborn and a 1 year old who I need to take care of. I assume that one of you four if not all of you are undergoing DBS checks as we speak in order that you'll be taking it on then?

tiredofhavingtothinkofnewnames · 08/02/2017 19:26

When my DS was in cubs the parents had to do a rota - 2 each week as there were not enough leaders. It was 2 hours about every 8 weeks (would have been every 13 weeks if even has chipped in)

Some didn't think that they should have to take their turn- it was annoying.

tiredofhavingtothinkofnewnames · 08/02/2017 19:27

i was approached by four staff

Staff from where? Do you mean volunteers?

sunnyshowers · 08/02/2017 19:32

Sorry for all my typos...nit alert ...and frantically typing (on my phone) and washing don't mix.
It s not personal. . It definatly isn't for you right now (they're just hoping someone will join)
Happened to me and I love it but it's not an hour a week. ... (god its really really not)

Pilgit · 08/02/2017 19:32

It's not great and I'm sorry you felt like that but the problem with both scouts and guides Uxbridge the lack of volunteers. Mushy units have unit sized waiting lists and thriving units close for want of volunteers. They will be desperate. Having been on the other side of this it is really hard to see a unit close for lack of support.

There will be a lot of stuff to do like DBS checks training and planning but whoever took it on would be supported through all of that.

TinklyLittleLaugh · 08/02/2017 19:34

I've been on the Brownie rota, it's no big deal.

My DS is a youth group volunteer, there are plenty of times when he really doesn't fancy it but he carries on because the kids love it. And yes it's voluntary, unpaid and he doesn't even get any Christmas perks like (paid) teachers do.

Headofthehive55 · 08/02/2017 19:35

Those other four people most likely run other groups. It's up to you. If you want the unit to continue, a parent or two need to step up to run it.

It is difficult if you have a baby and a younger one, sometimes it's just not the right time. But these groups don't run themselves.

FaintlyBaffled · 08/02/2017 19:37

It's wrong to give parents the hard sell like they did with you, but sometimes it's necessary to really impress upon parents the seriousness of the situation.
If my group were in the situation your DS's is then I would definitely be approaching parents. I would however target my pleading at those who seemed most likely to agree. A mother with two other preschoolers would not be top of my list

gamerwidow · 08/02/2017 19:41

It's a shame they were so heavy handed but if everyone said helping out is someone else's problem there would be no scouts or beavers. They are probably just sad and frustrated that no one is interested in keeping the group going.

JanuaryMoods · 08/02/2017 19:45

Why would you not want to help if it means the group continues?

RhodaBull · 08/02/2017 19:48

Dd's guide pack was run by a doctor who had three dcs (including a very young baby). People who said, "I don't have tiiiiiime," when asked to join the parent volunteer rota (once a term in the evenings) looked darned foolish.

Original poster

cheekybean · 08/02/2017 19:48

Thanks everyone. The truth is i would have volunteered but with baby and dd, i dont have the time. I think bullying parents is totally the wrong way though because lets say a parent does get persuaded. Are we going to be in the same situation in 4 weeks time

OP posts:

Resurgam2016 · 08/02/2017 19:49

I'm involved with our local scouting group. It is true that if parents don't help then the sessions can't go ahead. Maybe all their other communications haven't got through to you and this is the only way of emphasising it.

YABU

Original poster

cheekybean · 08/02/2017 19:50

I also have a husband who works on shift so i cant leave the other children with him.

OP posts:

NotYoda · 08/02/2017 19:53

Don't feel guilty. Just don't send him if you can't help.

memyselfandaye · 08/02/2017 19:53

Surely everyone will have to have background checks, how long will that take and who pays for it?

Original poster

cheekybean · 08/02/2017 19:53

The leader only left two weeks ago, i think theyve gone to bullying a bit quickly. Im not sitting here saying i dont have time cos i cant be arsed. I really do not have time. I work part time from home when i can, i run a weekly playgroup, i am on the local preschool commitee and all the afterschool commitments my own children have

OP posts:

HolesinTheSoles · 08/02/2017 19:57

I don't think you should have been made to feel guilty and with a newborn and toddler I wouldn't want to either but I can understand where they're coming from.

I used to run a playgroup (after I got roped into it by the previous leader). I did feel a bit taken advantage of while running it - no one would chip in to help etc.

Once my youngest was going to be starting school and I didn't want to run it anymore I tried to get some of the regulars to take over, no one would - OK fair enough it shuts down. I got loads of annoyed emails about how I should have found someone else in good time or carried on until I did.....

OwlinaTree · 08/02/2017 19:57

And yes it's voluntary, unpaid and he doesn't even get any Christmas perks like (paid) teachers do.

Do you mean the chocolate orange etc gifts the children bring in? Or the week off?

Bravo to all who volunteer though. I wish I could be a generous enough person to make the time to do it too.

Witchend · 08/02/2017 19:57

I used to help with Rainbows when either main adult couldn't do it so there were two adults do the group would go ahead.
They asked the whole lot of parents and I was the only one that said that I could, all the others gave excuses even though they said otherwise the pack couldn't run without a second person.
This included a term an a half when one volunteer was off after a back op.
I took along dd1, aged 6.5, dd2 age 3.5 and ds (new born) to the pack every week. Was rather put out to find parents when approached would say they couldn't because they had another child, often older, to look after. Thought this was somewhat rude when I was there clearly with 2 dc.

BarbarianMum · 08/02/2017 19:58

They didn't bully you, they made you feel uncomfortable. Bottom line is you don't have to do it, no- one has to do it. Frankly if the parents of the children who benefit can't be bothered though, I've no idea why anyone else should be.

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