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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be miffed about a guilt trip from Ds Beavers Group

88 replies

cheekybean · 08/02/2017 19:11

DS attends a Beavers group. Recently the leader has left and no permanent replacement has been found. The group has now said parents are to take it over or it will close.

When I dropped ds off tonight, i was approached by four staff each lecturing me on how my child will miss out due to parents being selfish and treating it like childcare. I ended up feeling like the closure was entirely my fault!! I picked up my newborn baby, my 4yr old dd and said cheerio to ds1. They approached and lectured every parent, leaving us all pissed off. The reason i let my ds go to beavers was to boost his confidence and me being there would defeat the object.

I know that these groups are run by volunteers but surelyit is not a case of a parent simply taking over. There must be planning, crb checks, badge activities, trip planning, risk assessements etc etc. I ran a playgroup so i know its not just an hour of your time.

Am i being unreasonable to be annoyed? I have contacted another group tonight to see if ds can go there until he starts cubs next year

OP posts:

rainydays2017 · 08/02/2017 20:57

I've tried to get ds in to beavers and I was told he can only have a place if I agree to become the pack leader.....I'm not aversive to helping out but surely it's not so simple as just turning up and suddenly becoming the leader? I wouldn't know where to start and I wouldn't send ds to a group run by someone utterly clueless like me.

museumum · 08/02/2017 21:02

Believe me, the people who have to actually close the pack will be feeling a lot more guilty than you!
I know did when I had to close my guide unit to go on mat leave.
Yes, I put pressure on parents first, it genuinely was the only hope. They were all too busy. So it shut. Frankly I don't give a shit if any of them "felt guilty" cause I asked them if they'd help before closing it. I'm sure they will cope with their feelings and it was worth a try as the girls got a lot out of it.

TinklyLittleLaugh · 08/02/2017 21:17

Yes when DD joined Brownies I was told that in order to get her a place I had to commit to one session a term, or I could send a female relative in my place. I think a couple of the mums on the rota eventually became fully fledged leaders. We also had a succession of teenagers wanting some regular experience with children to put on teaching applications and the like. Local sixth form might be a possiblity there.

Original poster

cheekybean · 08/02/2017 21:21

Ive only gone and volunteered to take it on. MNers have shamed me and i figure if i step up, i might shame someone else 🤔Although i doubt it. I can give what time i have, we'll see how it goes.

Im gonna be asking you wee monkeys for activity ideas for Beavers niw, and how to keep naughty children under control. Keep those ideas coming...

OP posts:

museumum · 08/02/2017 21:22

Oh well done!!!!!

Original poster

cheekybean · 08/02/2017 21:26

And if any of you who shamed me live nearby, guess what you are doing on a weeknight?!. 😜

OP posts:

BarbarianMum · 08/02/2017 21:33

Oh God, now I feel guilty. Seriously though, well done for even considering it. There is generally huge support from the "movement" for new leaders and there are lots and lots of resources for you to use when planning sessions.

I never have become a leader for either of my ds's packs but am on the fundraising committee instead to assuage my guilt.

BackforGood · 08/02/2017 21:34

Well done for agreeing to step up, but seriously, you need to get a team around you. With your other commitments you are going to have days you can't get there etc. It is also MUCH easier to get people involved as part of a strong team (start with the "can you just..."), than it is to get people to take on a whole role.
Get someone to do the subs / accounts. Someone different to sort out a drink for them each meeting. Someone different to be in charge of 'communications' . See if there is someone who could be there for the first 10mins and just run a game whilst you sort out the activity for the evening /answer a parents query. Get someone else to run the waiting list / deal with enquiries for you. Maybe even see if anyone would babysit for you when you do your training / attend your interview/ attend training etc.

Headofthehive55 · 08/02/2017 21:39

I always think it takes a village.
We have both run various activities for our children. If everyone does a bit if something it helps.
I used to enjoy being a leader. By the way, if you need a babysitter for your child for the meeting in girl guiding it can be taken as an expense of the unit.

RueDeWakening · 08/02/2017 21:41

If you head over to the extra-curricular board you'll find a thread for Guiders - I'm sure we'd welcome a Scouter (especially one who claims to be clueless :o )

Also, I'm on the parent rota for my DS1's Beaver colony and as a qualified Rainbow leader have run the occasional session in lieu of their leader, there's a FB group for leaders which is v helpful, I'll PM you the link.

Headofthehive55 · 08/02/2017 21:41

What back for good said

Mumzypopz · 08/02/2017 21:43

It's not a competition as to who is the busiest or the best helpful parent. These groups are set up by parents who want to do it and who chose to do it. They can't bully people who don't want to do it, into doing it. Instead of saying I don't have time, think I would just say sorry, it's not my thing and I don't want to do it. If the group has to close, so be it. It will be a shame, but better than being forced to do something you don't want to do. I know a lot of people will say that's selfish, as it would seem were happy for child to benefit from it, but that's why they set it up...for children to benefit.

Original poster

cheekybean · 08/02/2017 21:45

Thanks everyone. In all the excitment, ive just set light to the living room carpet!! Weve only had the woodburner three days! Guess lighting fires isnt goung to be one of my activities 😳

OP posts:

ThornyBird · 08/02/2017 21:57

Blimey, not the update I expected from when I started reading this! Good on you if this is what you want to do - I waver between loving and loathing it! I became leader in charge 4 years ago and it is a big responsibility.

I became an assistant Brownie leader while pg with dc4 because they were desperate. It wasn't ideal but it was ok. I had no maternity 'leave' but I was just required to be an extra adult in the room so could sit with dc4 in the pram for the first few weeks!

To be honest, that was easier than dragging a toddler along. In fact it is only since dc3 has moved on to Guides that dc4 (a boy at Brownies ) has settled down and joined in.

My DC knew when I started that due to dh working away, I came as a package. There are a few of us in the same boat locally (younger children or sons) but fortunately common sense has so far prevailed.

It can work if you want it to but there is no shame in stepping back if it wasn't any working. Good luck to you

londonrach · 08/02/2017 21:58

🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥 you might get a badge for that op

TinklyLittleLaugh · 08/02/2017 22:12

Well you know what they say, "If you want something doing, ask a busy woman."

Well done OP.

frazzled3ds · 08/02/2017 22:14

I hope you have a brilliant time with it all - it is hugely rewarding (and sometimes hard work too!) - and you'll find many leaders have their children along at times too (I was camping with a 6 month old...... he's now a Scout, as is his older brother, and youngest starts Beavers after half term!)

WildoTheDildo · 08/02/2017 22:20

Good luck! I ran a Beaver colony then a cub pack, I enjoyed it but it was bloody hard work.

TheOldestCat · 08/02/2017 22:21

Congrats! I took over my daughter's Brownie unit when the leader left and although it has been very challenging at times, I do enjoy it.

I don't have childcare so my 6-year-old DS comes along most weeks. I know it's no longer a girl-only space, but take it or leave it, parents!

ImaginaryCat · 08/02/2017 22:28

WELL DONE! You'll love it. I joined 5 years ago to bump my daughter to the top of the waiting list (no shame!), and I'm leading a colony now.

Get yourself onto the Facebook group 1st Facebook Beavers, they're a great bunch, always happy to help a newbie with ideas (although some are a bit officious, don't take it personally). You need someone already on there to vouch for who you are. If your previous leader isn't on there, PM me and I'll get you in.

Welcome to the gang. We'll get you through this. But don't stop pushing for others to step up too. The best bit is on camp, cracking open the wine once the little darlings are asleep. Good for the soul.

ImaginaryCat · 08/02/2017 22:35

Oh and if you do PM me to join the group, can you let me know. I've just realised I have no idea if it's possible to read messages on the app. Might need to log on the computer!
(It's fine, the communicator badge only requires emails and texts, not Mumsnet PMs)

Poppiesway1 · 08/02/2017 22:56

Cheekybean well done for volunteering but I will backup what another poster said about making sure there Is a good team.
I took on BSL 5yrs ago. It wasn't till I was about 6 months in I realised just how much I i had been dropped in it. There was one other ABSL and a SA. Neither of those will do any paperwork, accounts, risk assessments, plan meetings etc. They turn up late for meetings and I had to ask a parent to stay with me until they arrive (adult children ratios).
I have now persuaded a parent whose child has moved up to Cubs to stay with us and will be a SA, and a friend is training as a ABSL. They will take on some planning and leading meetings for me now. If I had he chance to do it again I wouldn't agree to taking the role on. When I started I worked full time (still do) was finishing my MsC, and am a single parent.
I felt so bad that they threatened closure if no one took It on (now I know they would have brought leaders in from other groups to continue it which they've been done to another local group)

Some times I enjoy it but the weekend training courses I've had to go on (and the crappy emails from my GSL when I can't commit to doing things on certain days), and extra time it involves and grief from parents about badges they want their children to get is not worth it.

I was a brownie, guide and venture so knew about Scouting anyway.. but dont believe then when they says it's only an hour a week.

Foxysoxy01 · 08/02/2017 22:56

Well done OP!

Bet you enjoy every minute of it

Poppiesway1 · 08/02/2017 22:58

Ps... I had to Learn fire lighting on course a few years ago as part of my nights away permit.. who knew doritos burnt so well!! Don't try that in your front room!!

scootinFun · 08/02/2017 23:02

I am a Cub leader. We have great numbers for Beavers, Cubs and Scouts. There are 4 of us - just 4!! to run the sessions. Due to numbers it means we are doing a minimum of 2 nights a week minimum, sometimes three PLUS all Scout training (so much training!), sleepovers, camps, hikes etc and of course the planning and preparation and actually running the session.
Guess how many parent volunteers we have? None. And we have begged.

They've put your back up because they're desperate. They're probably hoping that you have someone who could look after your littlies for the session occasionally. Was it well done? No. But closing down a thriving Scout Group is heartbreaking when you know the need is there.

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