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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Lunch box police - AIBU?

139 replies

Ladyonashortfuse · 07/02/2017 10:27

At my 4 year old DS's new school the children all take packed lunches. Before he started I was given a note saying no sweets were allowed in school - fine, I support this. On the first day I sent him in with a snack of mixed nuts (unsalted). A note came home saying no nuts were allowed because they could be a choking hazard. So on the second day I sent him with no nuts, and a chocolate flavoured yoghurt for his dessert which looked frankly disgusting but I'd bought it by mistake and nobody else was going to eat it. A note came home saying chocolate is not allowed in school so it would be 'preferable' if he did not have chocolate yoghurt again. Yesterday I sent him with no nuts, no chocolate yoghurt, but a handful of plain mini-crackers as a snack. A not came home saying no biscuit snacks. I can't keep up. Thinking of putting a note in his bag asking to be provided with a complete list of foods which aren't allowed in school, or for a new parent might that be construed as a bit passive-aggressive and rude?

OP posts:
Gileswithachainsaw · 07/02/2017 10:29

Ask to see the menu.bet there's chips pizza and cake on it. They have cake daily so can fuck off with their stupid notes.

I'd be tempted too...ffs they need to get on with teaching

Artandco · 07/02/2017 10:37

Well they are just snacks though aren't they? Lunch should be lunch. Would you feed him snacks for lunch at home at the weekends? Biscuits, chocolate pudding etc aren't lunch

Packed Lunch easy

  • some sort of savoury main. Sandwich, pasta, soup, leftovers in thermos,cold meats/cheeses or whatever
  • add some dairy if not in main. Cheese/ yogurt
  • add veg. Cucumber/ carrots/pepper/tomatoes/babycorn
-add fruit. Whatever they like

Done

Chloe84 · 07/02/2017 10:39

Why would you feed your child something disgusting that no one else would eat? Unless you were joking.

CelticPromise · 07/02/2017 10:43

Ffs it's fairly obvious that the OP didn't send him with just these things for Lundin isn't it?

And my son will eat a few things no one else in the house would eat and might find disgusting, I would have no qualms about giving them to him.

Unclench y'all. OP YANBU.

redexpat · 07/02/2017 10:48

There seems to be some confusion as to what is and isnt allowed in lunchboxes. Please could you clarify?

Should do the trick.

MrsNuckyThompson · 07/02/2017 10:48

YANBU.

I once sent DS to nursery with carrot sticks and houmus for a snack which was sent back saying he was just to have a snack 'not a meal'. The only directive we were given was to send fruit or veg as a snack!

Crusoe · 07/02/2017 10:50

YANBU

PleasantPhesant · 07/02/2017 10:52

Ask for a list of things the dc can't have.

Nuts I can understand-allergies
Our school likes the grapes sliced lengthways -choking hazard whole
No chocolate
No sweets
No fizzy drinks
No hot food in a flask

Sandwich
Yogurt/frube
Flapjack
Apple/strawberries/kiwi/raisens
Babybel
Flavoured water

TheSnorkMaidenReturns · 07/02/2017 10:53

Ask them what the lunch guidelines are, and ask them for a school lunch menu.

My primary child mostly has school lunches but I often put a pack of mini-ritz or similar in his lunch box. If he's hungry after his wrap/sandwich/pitta, they are quick to eat, and he can have them at afternoon break if he wants. And if he's not hungry they come back and can be used again. #Win
He wouldn't get them every day but once in a while it's not a problem.

Offer them mini oatcakes. I'd struggle to see what could possibly be complained about there!

SleepFreeZone · 07/02/2017 10:54

I'm planning on just signing them up for school dinners. Can't be doing with all this lunchbox angst.

melj1213 · 07/02/2017 10:55

Would you feed him snacks for lunch at home at the weekends? Biscuits, chocolate pudding etc aren't lunch

Alone, no they aren't lunch, but as part of a packed lunch with various balanced parts to it, I don't see the problem.

Our lunchboxes have always been:

a "main" - usually sandwich/pasta salad/couscous salad/wrap

a savoury "side" - crudites and dip/ricecakes/unsalted popcorn/crackers possibly with some cheese cubes/crispbread

a "dessert" of some type - fruit salad/small piece of homemade flapjack, brownie or shortbread/yoghurt/custard or jelly pot.

There was then always some form of fruit that they could either have with lunch or as a snack at break time, and their water bottle.

WorraLiberty · 07/02/2017 10:56

I wouldn't put a note in his bag.

I would contact the school and ask them outright for a list of banned foods, because that's bloody ridiculous.

Also, you might suggest they put this list on their website for easy access.

2014newme · 07/02/2017 10:59

Why is home made flapjack better than a twin.

IntoTheDeep · 07/02/2017 11:03

I give my children cheese and crackers sometimes for lunch.

It's never occurred to me to put crackers in the same category of snacks as sweet biscuits. I've always considered crackers to be a savoury food.

dangermouseisace · 07/02/2017 11:04

YANBU. I think some dinner ladies get a bit OTT. When kids have come home saying they aren't allowed XYZ- if it is not reasonable then I say that is absolutely ridiculous and send it in again anyway. I'd ask your school for a 'packed lunch policy' as you need guidelines.

Reasonable: anything that I have been expressly told not to pack. E.g. nuts, oranges or any other allergy issue food, chocolate, fizzy drinks etc.

Unreasonable: being told my kid couldn't have home cooked popcorn, cake etc, one kid was told they weren't allowed pasta!

You will find that there are kids that are sent in with nutella sandwiches and a packet of crisps daily, regardless of notes home (this has happened at both primaries my kids have been to). They can't let your child starve so will let the kid eat what is in their lunch.

Trifleorbust · 07/02/2017 11:08

I hate this. No nuts, fine. 'Excessive' treats, feel free to take them off them. Otherwise why are they trying to parent other people's children? Leave it alone.

Andrewofgg · 07/02/2017 11:31

Ask for the definitive list of what is not allowed and say you will respect it. Someone is letting a little authority go to her (probably her) head.

Halle71 · 07/02/2017 11:37

It's ridiculous.
I gave my DD a homemade banana muffin on a Thursday (they are allowed one 'treat' on a Friday but not the rest of the week) and she felt she had to hide it. Yet for her school dinners which she has Mon - Weds she often has cake/crumble/ice cream/cookie.

They had a lunchbox inspection and she was told that hers was almost perfect but that she had no dairy. WTF? She had Greek yogurt with oats and banana for breakfast with a glass of milk.... I feel that they are making kids obsessive about 'healthy' food.

willnotbetamed · 07/02/2017 11:41

Seriously, school-age children have to have their grapes sliced for them because they are a choking hazard? What about bites of carrot (e.g. bitten off a carrot stick), biro lids, pips in satsumas, etc.? I don't live in the UK any more, and perhaps I'm missing something, but surely this kind of health and safety consciousness just serves to make everyone paranoid and nervous? I'm all for healthy lunches and not providing kids with obvious choking hazards, but... grapes...?

My kids usually take a sandwich, some fruit or veg, and a biscuit/cake/tiny packet of sweets to school. I heard a doctor once saying that it could be counter-productive to forbid all sweets to children since they are so ubiquitous - better to give them a tiny amount daily to dose themselves with rather than making them out to be the ultimate forbidden treat. I have no idea if this is true. But it makes sense to us - mine don't get sweets or puddings much at home, but they love something sweet for school. Thankfully there are no lunchbox police around here to tell us off!

Westfox · 07/02/2017 11:44

I found it off that we were told that nuts were banned. Next day DH packed a peanut butter sandwich and there were no problems!

Tomorrowillbeachicken · 07/02/2017 11:45

Halle71 lol how did you not send a note in asking wtf yoghurt is if it isn't dairy?

Tomorrowillbeachicken · 07/02/2017 11:45

Peanuts are legumes not nuts though....

Lazyafternoon · 07/02/2017 11:46

Ask for guidance and a list of prohibited and discouraged items.

I agree all the notes are a bit OTT. Surely just putting one note with a copy of their packed lunch guidelines would have been all that was required.

I believe in a little bit of everything is fine, variety is also really important. My DS goes to preschool and the healthy options he'll eat in a packed lunch are fairly limited, so I mix it up with bits that aren't necessarily on the healthy list for variety. And I'm not always organised so there is an element of 'what have we got in that'll do!'. So I do every now and again put in a few pombears in a little tub, or a biscuit or two, or a couple of cocktail sausages, and have sent him in with jam sandwich when I've discovered there's no cheese or anything else he'll eat in a sandwich left.

Don't sweat it. Unless they actually give you a policy then just do what you want.

VioletRoar · 07/02/2017 11:53

I can't imagine sending my kids in with a "thermos of soup" 😂

Sandwich with ham&cucumber , fruit, yoghurt, water, a cereal bar/ crisps. So shoot me. As pp said, they're happy to serve pizza with chips and beans so they need to calm the fuck down.

CryingShame · 07/02/2017 11:53

Can people not read the OP? All the children take packed lunches - there is no meal option.

If your son is only 4 you've got a lot of years yet to rub along the staff in the office if you get off on the wrong footing now. Enquire at the office that "as [you're] confused about what foods are not appropriate for packed lunches you're sure other parents of Fundation children will als obe struggling. Can we please have a definitive list of inappropriate foods?" [smile through gritted teeth]

Keep sending him whatever you have in your cupboard until you get the list.

In our school the "do not darken our door" list is choclate, crisps, nuts (including nutella), hot food in a flask e.g. jacket potato or soup.

The hot food thing is the big grumble from me as DS isn't keen on his school meals and I'd happily send his with a JP each day with a different filling.