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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Lunch box police - AIBU?

139 replies

Ladyonashortfuse · 07/02/2017 10:27

At my 4 year old DS's new school the children all take packed lunches. Before he started I was given a note saying no sweets were allowed in school - fine, I support this. On the first day I sent him in with a snack of mixed nuts (unsalted). A note came home saying no nuts were allowed because they could be a choking hazard. So on the second day I sent him with no nuts, and a chocolate flavoured yoghurt for his dessert which looked frankly disgusting but I'd bought it by mistake and nobody else was going to eat it. A note came home saying chocolate is not allowed in school so it would be 'preferable' if he did not have chocolate yoghurt again. Yesterday I sent him with no nuts, no chocolate yoghurt, but a handful of plain mini-crackers as a snack. A not came home saying no biscuit snacks. I can't keep up. Thinking of putting a note in his bag asking to be provided with a complete list of foods which aren't allowed in school, or for a new parent might that be construed as a bit passive-aggressive and rude?

OP posts:
ArcheryAnnie · 07/02/2017 11:54

Plain crackers aren't biscuits!

I mean, I approve of schools keeping an eye on what the kids are eating (see: the parent at DS's primary who sent her poor daughter in with nothing but a tube of pringles), but there's a point of ridiculousness here.

Ask to see the school lunch menu, and a list of what foods are acceptable.

ArcheryAnnie · 07/02/2017 11:54

Ah - just read again and no school lunches at all - sorry.

bringmelaughter · 07/02/2017 11:56

Grapes are a particular hazard willnotbetamed. It's obviously personal choice but the risks are well documented. www.theguardian.com/society/2016/dec/20/lack-of-awareness-of-grape-choking-hazard-putting-children-at-risk-say-doctors

bikingintherain · 07/02/2017 11:58

My DD had issues for a while.

For her snack: a piece of fruit.

For her lunch: cheese sandwich, piece of fruit, vegetables and cereal bar type thing.

The lunch time supervisor kept complaining to DD that the cereal bar was not good and she shouldn't have it. I said to DD she should (as she came home hungry anyway). DD did get caught in the middle a little. In the end I told DD to say her mama had told her to have it and if there was a problem then I should be called into school for a meeting.

The health police do not seem to realise that children need calories. I accept cereal bar biscuits have sugar on them. But she's not on a diet, she is a growing child!!

Mrsfrumble · 07/02/2017 12:09

You could look on the bright side; everything else at your DS's must be hunky-dory if the staff have the time energy to be obsessing over the minutiae of the children's lunch boxes.

At my DC's school (and many others I expect) there are issues with attendance, behavior and the chaotic home lives of many of the children, so those who turn up on time, appropriately dressed with edible and vaguely nutritious lunches are not going to cause any concern.

BigbyWolf · 07/02/2017 12:13

I think schools should stick to teaching and bloody well back off when it comes to children's lunch box contents. It's none of their business.

My youngest goes into school sometimes with a Nutella sandwich or a chocolate bar as a snack (like a Breakaway/KitKat not a block of Dairy Milk!). Sometimes she gets a piece of homemade cake or flapjack which I don't doubt are healthier than the crappy cakes they serve in school canteens.

She also has veg sticks and fruits (apples, oranges, pots of berries). She eats healthy, homemade meals at home.

If the dinner ladies at her school tried to confiscate her food or tried to dictate her lunchbox contents I'd be severely pissed off.

Yanbu OP. Do what your friend suggests and send him with two slices next time!

Miserylovescompany2 · 07/02/2017 12:15

I'd be so tempted to send a note back in the packed lunch as this is obviously the preferred way to communicate...

A simple list of what IS and is NOT allowed would have been better to start with rather than stating sweets weren't allowed?

LoupGarou · 07/02/2017 12:17

YANBU, it sounds like its getting ridiculous.

I am all for eating a balanced diet, but this kind of obsessive policing just risks kids hiding foods, or sneaking off to buy and eat them on the sly, which is not promoting a good relationship with food at all.

We're in the US and thankfully don't have this where we are, nuts aren't allowed due to allergies but everything else is fair game really.

letthirstydogslie · 07/02/2017 12:17

Before you go in get a menu on what school dinners are.

Ours has no cake in lunchbox policy while having cake with school meals in primary...

PoundingTheStreets · 07/02/2017 12:18

I cheerily ignored the lunchbox police. I feed my DC a healthy diet anyway. I don't and never have included chocolate or cake. However, if I want to send them in a with a cereal bar for a snack, I will. I send in all-natural unsweetened types, not marshmallow-coated rice crispie types, so they can sod off with their 'no cereal bar' rules when they are serving up chocolate sponge and pizza as part of the school menu.

No one ever said anything.

MadMags · 07/02/2017 12:20

The crackers is a bit odd but I can understand about the nuts and chocolate yogurt!

My dc's school is very strict about lunchboxes. But then my kids tell me about the stuff some kids try to sneak past the teachers and the size of some of the dc and I think well someone has to try to make sure these children are eating well!

TheMysteriousJackelope · 07/02/2017 12:21

I don't think your note would be passive aggressive. They obviously have many more requirements than just 'no sweets' and parents need to know what those are. I doubt you are the only one getting these notes.

Is there a school/PTA website that may have the rules posted on them already?

BigbyWolf · 07/02/2017 12:21

Sorry, don't know where the last sentence came from? Reading too may threads at once...Blush

NarkyMcDinkyChops · 07/02/2017 12:22

Grapes are a particular hazard willnotbetamed. It's obviously personal choice but the risks are well documented www.theguardian.com/society/2016/dec/20/lack-of-awareness-of-grape-choking-hazard-putting-children-at-risk-say-doctors

I wish people would read the links they post! That clearly says up to the age of FIVE, and this thread is about school age children's lunchboxes.

Unihorn · 07/02/2017 12:27

YADNBU!

At the risk of sounding cliché/like my mother, we all used to eat "crap" for our dinners and did just fine.. If these restrictions existed when I was at school I would've starved. I had a Nutella sandwich, a chocolate yoghurt and a chocolate bar for lunch, and crisps for a snack. My BMI is 21 and I'm perfectly capable of eating healthily these days (when I want).

My DSD had a note home because she didn't have a sandwich one day. She hadn't felt like one and asked for just fruit, a Nutrigrain, cheese and a fruit yoghurt. It's not a regular occurrence but what she requested that day. I didn't realise it was that big of an issue!

bikingintherain · 07/02/2017 12:28

loup, we're in the Netherlands though.....

Which irks me even more with regards to the lunch box police is half the population eat sprinkles on bread for breakfast followed by a kind of gingercake! Not quite the wee taboo I give mine!

Also DS was served peanut butter/cheese spread on crackers at his preschool!

As a nation despite all their crazy foods you see a lot less over weight people. I'm sorry I've gone completely off point now.

howCanwedo12 · 07/02/2017 12:28

There is far too much interest in packed lunches..My daughter has had pizza this week at school. Cake and custard, and flapjack and custard. Toad in the hole, and the savoury part are what she chose as her meal option, the desserts I have no say over. Something's they have cheescake. Our school is taking juice of them, if they dare take it in. I personally think its ridiculous.
As to the poster being appalled that the OP sent a chocolate youghurt in, as no one else in the household would eat , that would apply here too...I cant think of anything worse, but as a treat, my children can have one. Fruit yoghurts are no better, as they are full of sugar and all kind of additives too

Dessert menu this week at school. Everythime I ask what fruit is available with the yoghurt, she says none, perhaps she hasnt seen it though.

Lunch box police - AIBU?
ItWentInMyEye · 07/02/2017 12:29

My eldest in year 4 has been told at school kids shouldn't have much fruit because of sugar! Then dessert with school lunch is 3 cookies. Hmm I do have to say, as a parent of a child with peanut allergy, to ignore requests not to bring them into school I find truly selfish. Peanut butter can be just as dangerous as actual whole peanuts.

Sidge · 07/02/2017 12:31

I'd be asking for clarification of the lunchbox policy. I bet the teachers and office staff haven't a clue that the lunch ladies are policing what the children are eating to such a degree.

My DDs primary school was very sensible - the only restrictions were no fizzy drinks, no chocolate and no sweets. Staff did use their discretion so that children who were being sent in with nothing but a Mars Bar and tube of Pringles would get a call or letter home but otherwise it was acknowledged that parents can decide what to feed their children.

When I was school nursing I spent a lot of time liaising with schools at the request of parents regarding lunchbox policies. Some schools are just unnecessarily restrictive with no basis in nutrition or common sense. I got that impression that some of the lunchtime staff were trying to apply their WeightWatchers/Slimming World "diets" to the children!!

starfishmummy · 07/02/2017 12:31

We had a note home last week saying ds's school can no longer heat up meals that children take in as their packed lunch. It had never occurred to me to ask them to do so anyway! ! If we want them to have something hot we can send food in flasks.

CancellyMcChequeface · 07/02/2017 12:32

YANBU, this sounds ridiculous and having worked in schools before all these rules came in I wonder where the staff get the time to do all this lunchbox policing!

I remember speaking to two parents about lunches - one who gave a child crackers and nothing else for lunch, and another whose child consistently refused to eat any part of the school dinner and was only having fruit - the latter case wasn't the parent's fault but obviously I wanted to make them aware, see if there were any issues around food we could try to help with, etc. The child switched to packed lunch and all was fine.

I understand banning a particular allergen if a child in the school has a severe allergy to it. Otherwise? It should be up to the parent what to give their child to eat for lunch. A small chocolate bar won't do anyone any harm, and not every meal needs to include dairy to be healthy, FFS.

OP, I'd definitely ask for a complete list of banned foods, because the present situation is absurd.

LoupGarou · 07/02/2017 12:32

bikingintherain

Sorry I didn't see your post before posting. I would have done the same as you, DH and I decide what DS eats - if anyone has a problem with that they can take it up with us, not with DS.

bringmelaughter · 07/02/2017 12:33

Errrrrr... my 4 year old is at school narkymcdinlychops.

NarkyMcDinkyChops · 07/02/2017 12:33

And if you want your four year old to have chopped grapes, you can chop them. So no issue.

bringmelaughter · 07/02/2017 12:34

And the OPs child appears to be 4 as well.