To be a bit annoyed

[calimommy]

I invited my friend and her husband over for dinner this Friday. I texted her and specifically said "no kids! I'll throw mine into bed early and you get a sitter, we can have adult chats and drink adult wine and eat adult food👍". She responded v excited but later texted again to say she didn't have a sitter so was it ok to bring the kids? I felt I couldn't refuse, nor could I suggest to reschedule as this is the only time for a while that suits. But now I'm dreading it. Our children are all quite young, under 4, so this will not be the relaxing night with adults I had hoped for. AIBU to be annoyed she didn't just say she couldn't come? Or should I be grateful to spend time with friends regardless? I should add I'm pregnant (early days) so feeling more tired than usual.

Could you find a sitter and message and say "we've managed to find a sitter so shall we bring the food over to yours, then you don't need to worry about bringing the little ones out late?"

Her children stay up very late anyway, 1030/11 so even if we got to her they will still be there

YABU. You don't want to cancel because it's the only time for awhile that suits. Presumably she feels the same. If you're too tired/sick then cancel but don't be mad at your friend because she wants to see you. I'm sure she'd also prefer a relaxed night but feels this is better than nothing.

True

I don't think you're being unreasonable to be annoyed but I do think you should be more honest with your friend and told her it's actually not a children's party

She also won't let anyone except her mother bbsit. So it's tricky at the best of times.

She asked if it was okay and you said yes. YABU.

She asked if it was okay and you said yes. YABU.

If you're pregnant then you won't exactly be having a rager and it could still be nice to see your friend. YANBU to feel dissapointed that it's not going to be what you hoped for though. You can always cancel.

I would cancel the dinner tbh.

Yanbu.

With young children this'll be annoying. You just won't have the adult evening you were looking forward to.

Surely it's better to catch-up with the kids than not see them at all?

I'd have just said 'not to worry, let's sort another date' and then sent her some dates you can do. I don't blame her if she only feels comfortable with her Mum looking after her children at night, but personally I wouldn't have agreed to her coming round with them if that's not what you wanted (it's not what I would want either!)

You see it's not as though we never see each other, we often meet up for play dates during the week.

Anyho, I've decided that however I feel about it it will be fine and I'll try to do most of the prep ahead to minimise stress! I wish I was drinking at the dinner! 😝

On the plus side if you can make this a fun night with kids there, then you have a good formula for a cheap and frequent social life. Just take it in turns to watching them make chaos!

Too late now but I'd have suggested another date. Changes the whole atmosphere.

Are her children under 4 as well? If so why on earth are they still up at 10.30/11?? Can you just say "ok, bring you children ready in their pj's and we will settle them upstairs to sleep on our bed". We have done this a couple of times when let down last minute by sitters and it seems to work ok. At the end of the evening we have scooped them up semi-asleep and put them in the car to drive home and straight to bed. A bit of a problem f they are still up so late but your house, your rules!

Yes I don't understand it but they have always kept them up that late, each to their own I guess. I can't wait to get mine into bed by 630/7 and tbh they are very tired and ready to go by then too.
Our children are the same ages, 3.5 and 1.5.

your house, your rules!

PMSL. yes, because that's going to make young children go to bed before their normal bed time and stay there!

OP, you had the chance to suggest your reschedule and didn't take it. I know you said you didn't feel you could reschedule because of it being a while before you could do it again,but you aren't getting the evening you were planning anyway - if you'd wanted that you would have to arrange another date.

I suppose I felt that if I suggested a rescheduled date it would seem like I was rejecting her children.
Anyho I'm probably being dramatic. I'm sure it will be fine.

She should have picked up on the tone of your text and offered to reschedule. You are pregnant, a busy, late evening wrangling toddlers is the last thing you need.

And I'm laughing a little at the 'your house your rules' simply because my children totally ignore my house rules about sleeping all night and not getting up before 430am...

A sudden case of chicken pox??

It's just another playdate then.

If her mum is the only one she allows to babysit and you insisted she get a sitter rather than bring the kids you did put her into a tricky situation. I would reschedule.