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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

About this nursery incident

78 replies

Laceandlove · 02/02/2017 17:28

Long time lurker, first time poster.

My DD asked me to collect my GD from nursery today. I've not done this before as my DD usually does it.

I was early to collect her so took a slow walk to the nursery which is in town. Still got to the nursery early so hung around outside and happened to catch sight of my GD through the window. She was in a room on her own, facing the wall and crying. I stood and watched to see what was going to happen. 5 mins later no one came to her or asked her if she was ok. By this point I was getting very tetchy but still I waited as I wanted to see what was going on. 5 mins more passed and she still had not moved and no one had come to her so by this point I had enough and went to the front into reception.

I will be honest in that my anger took hold and I asked why the hell my GD was in a room at the back on her own crying facing the wall and no one had come to her. The answer was that she had been "crying all morning" and that they "couldn't do anything more for her" so basically just let her get on with it.

I've told my DD and she is extremely upset about it and wants to move her immediately. I've asked her if she has noticed this before but she said that she's never early to fetch her and she's already got her coat on ready to go when she gets there.

My GD is 2 so trying to ask her what happened is difficult as her speech isn't quite there to explain herself.

WWYD? Have we overreacted? Is this normal?

OP posts:
PiratePete1 · 02/02/2017 17:30

That is not acceptable

iamapixiebutnotaniceone · 02/02/2017 17:32

If that is not a normal behaviour for your GD then I would have expected the nursery to call and speak to her mum at least to try and get to the bottom of what was the matter with her. I think I would be quite concerned by this, she is only 2 after all! What is the nursery like otherwise?

SaorAlbaGuBrath · 02/02/2017 17:33

No you haven't over reacted at all. I understand that kids cry sometimes, but if the staff have exhausted every avenue of finding ways to comfort/console the child, they should call their emergency contact to pick them up, not leave them alone and clearly in distress.
I have a non verbal two year old and I'd be so upset if his nursery did this to him. I'm with your DD on this, I'd move your GD and also escalate it to a formal complaint.

Ilovecaindingle · 02/02/2017 17:34

I certainly wouldn't be sending her back. . And I would want answers. Surely if she was so upset earlier in the session your dd should have had a phone call? And the state she must have been in sounds awful. Poor girl.

NotBeenThisSkintInAWhile · 02/02/2017 17:35

I wouldn't take her back. There's no excuse for that sort of treatment.

Seriously. Get her in elsewhere

Blink1982 · 02/02/2017 17:37

That's awful your poor gd :( they should have rang to get someone to collect if all avenues if distraction had failed. Has your dd never noticed she's reluctant to go in when she gets dropped off?

enfru · 02/02/2017 17:38

That's just heartbreaking to think she'd been upset all that time and they'd just given up trying to comfort her or distract her in any way.
If I was your DD I'd complain to the nursery manager and want a full explanation as to why I hadn't been phoned to come and collect her.

CripsSandwiches · 02/02/2017 17:39

YANBU! Sounds like they couldn't be bothered to comfort her do gave up. Totally not acceptable. An upset two year old shouldn't exact be unchartered territory for them they! I'd find a nicer nursery.

ElsieBobo · 02/02/2017 17:39

I wouldn't go back. If this had been happening I'd expect someone to have called and explained there was an issue with settling. Completely unacceptable in my view.

TheSnorkMaidenReturns · 02/02/2017 17:40

That's awful

mainlywingingit · 02/02/2017 17:41

Not acceptable
On any level. If this was out of the norm
Then our DD should have been called. If this is the norm it is very concerning.

OFSTED have to be involved - not
Just the nursery manager.

harderandharder2breathe · 02/02/2017 17:41

That's horrible! Your poor GD

it's not acceptable to leave a distressed 2 year old on her own for so long. Even if they couldn't console her I would expect someone to be sat with her, trying to comfort her or at least quietly being there so she knew she wasn't alone.

She's a toddler. Not an older child who yes you might leave alone (supervised from a distance) to calm themselves down if everything you were doing to help was winding them up more. She shouldn't be left crying alone, poor little thing!

MrsDustyBusty · 02/02/2017 17:42

Completely unacceptable. No small child should be left like that. Even if she couldn't be consoled for whatever reason, she shouldn't be alone. That's a real safeguarding issue.

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 02/02/2017 17:43

Aww, poor baby. Don't take her back OP. Totally unacceptable.
Your daughter needs to have a word.

originalmavis · 02/02/2017 17:44

So she was crying all day and they didn't try to contact mum or dad? That sounds very odd.

Starlight2345 · 02/02/2017 17:44

No this is not acceptable.. I am a childminder who has had children in my arms on my lap all day often if its not there normal behaviour I expect they are coming down with something or teething.

At 2 I would expect them to be comforted all day if that what it took. IF they weren't able to manage that then she should of been collected..How long has she been there?

Original poster
Laceandlove · 02/02/2017 17:47

My DD rang the nursery manager as soon as I told her and her response was it was a complete overreaction. That GD has found it hard to settle in, found it hard to make friends and that the only way to combat this was to not "wrap her in cotton wool". I cannot get that image out of my mind of her facing the wall Sad

OP posts:
Phantommanflinger · 02/02/2017 17:48

I work in a nursery and I would be appalled if any of my colleagues did this, a crying child should be comforted or a staff member should sit near and speak in reassuring tones if the child doesn't want a cuddle or to sit on their lap. If after 15 minutes they are still inconsolable the parent should be called and the child picked up, a new period of settling in should then begin if necessary to build the child's trust and confidence to stay at the nursery. YANBU.

Original poster
Laceandlove · 02/02/2017 17:48

She's been there about 6 months. Only does mornings

OP posts:
Phantommanflinger · 02/02/2017 17:50

Laceandlove- no that's not acceptable, no child should be left distressed it's emotionally damaging and destroys their trust in the adults caring for them. Please don't let her go back.

MrsDustyBusty · 02/02/2017 17:54

I'd be sick if our nursery spoke about my two year old in that way. It sounds like they're blaming a baby and this is some kind of policy or strategy. No wonder she cried, the poor little thing.

EweAreHere · 02/02/2017 17:56

Ofsted. Please contact Ofsted.

If a child will not settle, the answer isn't to put the child into solitary for the duration. It's to call the parent(s), emergency contacts, etc.

This is outrageous.

And the fact that they seemed so blase about it means they probably do it often.

Serialweightwatcher · 02/02/2017 18:05

Absolute disgrace - who the hell leaves a 2 year old little one to cry and not try to get her involved to distract her and cheer her up - that's so awful I'd have gone potty with them ... you really need to report them

MrsWombat · 02/02/2017 18:09

The parents should have been called if she couldn't be consoled. She might have been poorly. My son was like this one day, and it turned out he had hand, foot and mouth. Hope you get to the bottom of this.

Seeingadistance · 02/02/2017 18:09

That's dreadful. I feel like crying myself just thinking about it.

Sometimes my son would be tearful when I dropped him off, and the staff there would jolly him along, talk to him, distract him and comfort him. One time he was unusually sad and tearful, and they phoned me before lunchtime to let me know and suggest I take him to the GP - which I did and it turned out he had a UTI.

Definitely take this further - just so cruel to do that.