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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

About this nursery incident

78 replies

Laceandlove · 02/02/2017 17:28

Long time lurker, first time poster.

My DD asked me to collect my GD from nursery today. I've not done this before as my DD usually does it.

I was early to collect her so took a slow walk to the nursery which is in town. Still got to the nursery early so hung around outside and happened to catch sight of my GD through the window. She was in a room on her own, facing the wall and crying. I stood and watched to see what was going to happen. 5 mins later no one came to her or asked her if she was ok. By this point I was getting very tetchy but still I waited as I wanted to see what was going on. 5 mins more passed and she still had not moved and no one had come to her so by this point I had enough and went to the front into reception.

I will be honest in that my anger took hold and I asked why the hell my GD was in a room at the back on her own crying facing the wall and no one had come to her. The answer was that she had been "crying all morning" and that they "couldn't do anything more for her" so basically just let her get on with it.

I've told my DD and she is extremely upset about it and wants to move her immediately. I've asked her if she has noticed this before but she said that she's never early to fetch her and she's already got her coat on ready to go when she gets there.

My GD is 2 so trying to ask her what happened is difficult as her speech isn't quite there to explain herself.

WWYD? Have we overreacted? Is this normal?

OP posts:
Verbena37 · 02/02/2017 19:42

Most children don't even start interacting in a playing together sense until age 3 so to say about not making friends aged two is ridiculous!

Pleasestoplickingthetv · 02/02/2017 19:44

That's bloody awful. Poor GD.
Remove immediately and contact OFSTED.
They don't sound very caring at all and I wonder how they treat the other children.

BumWad · 02/02/2017 19:45

Awful! Your poor GD.

Definitely report to OFSTED she's only 2 ffs.

waterrat · 02/02/2017 19:47

I agree not normal for a 2 year old to have freinds. Mymyoungest is 2.5 and only just starting to directly play with other kids.

So they clearly are not good at understanding children.

MagpieMay · 02/02/2017 20:50

Agree with PP this is totally unacceptable. Please do report... even if only so that the nursery is checked out. Parents trust that their child will be safe and cared for at nursery and I'm sure that if they are mistreating your GD other children may also be at risk!

Hope GD Is ok now Flowers

Trooperslane · 02/02/2017 20:58

Not acceptable on ANY level

This is appalling.

I'm heartbroken for the wee one.

None of you are over reacting.

Sick and angry on your behalf.

Trifleorbust · 02/02/2017 21:16

Sounds bizarre to me - a 2 year old facing the wall all morning in a room on her own? I would imagine she would have become hysterical. Obviously YANBU to withdraw her and complain.

But OP, did you really stand there watching for a whole 10 minutes? This isn't an exaggeration? I couldn't have watched that for more than 30 seconds. Confused

WanderingTrolley1 · 02/02/2017 21:17

All kinds of wrong.

Bluebubble123 · 02/02/2017 21:31

That is terrible. Don't take her back and report to Ofsted asap so no other child has to go through that. I have been a nursery nurse for over 20 years and can't believe the attitude of the staff. They can't do anything with her. Makes me so mad. It's their job to comfort her!

butterflyfly · 02/02/2017 22:17

Absolutely awful. I'm so glad you were there to witness it and feel so so sorry for your gd!
Glad to read you won't be taking her back there and please report it. Bless her heart, was it to much trouble to cuddle herSad

NoobThebrave · 02/02/2017 22:21

No child should be on their own. Some children do struggle to settle but this is a managed thing involving the parents wishes - leave to cry, give space, distract, staggered leave etc etc. IMHO many 2 year olds struggle with nursery and unless you have a pressing need 3 is early enough.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 02/02/2017 23:18

Tell your dd to get her out and keep her out. The manager clearly has no damn clue on child development. If she did she would know. Children don't have the social skills to make friends at 2. They play along side each other. Not with each other .
Don't wrap her up in cotton wool. She's a 2 year old baby, ffs. You don't leave a baby crying. Yes it might be stressful, but. Its part of your job when you work with babies, and a job they chose to do. If they can't handle unsettled children. They shouldn't be in the job.
I agree about calling Ofsted. To lodge the complaint with them. Not only for your gd but for the other children, because I hate to say this, but.
You don't think this is the first time this has happened, do you or That your gd is the only child they've ignored.

Thank goodness you got there early or you'd still have been none the wiser, after all a little baby can't speak up can she.

QODRestYeMerryGentlemen · 02/02/2017 23:28

Similar thing happened to me with dd 😢
I thought she was allergic to ?? at nursery. I'd pick her up and her eyes would be so swollen
She would get swollen itchy eyes at home sometimes at random times, sensitive to cats and dogs blah blah
I kept asking how she was settling and got all the 'yes great, obviously a few tears when you leave her but fine after 5 mins

Anyway. 'Parents eve' and her key worker is off sick so trainee tells me in great detail that basically DD cried pretty much 5 hours solid on her 2 whole days, she'd then zonk out at nap time and mostly LOOK fine at 6 when I collected her

Fuckers. It had been 6 ducking months of her howling for HOURS

Anyway. I HAD to use them for 2 mornings but begged and borrowed and grovelled child care elsewhere for afternoons and dd was then old enough at 3 1/2 to understand that as soon as she had lunch nanny or Joan would pick her up and stopped with the howling

Wankers. I'm still angry and she's 18

butterflyfly · 03/02/2017 00:06

MerryGentlemen ShockShock Omg that is absolutely awful!

Singasongofsadness · 03/02/2017 00:51

Yabu

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 03/02/2017 01:09

"Yabu".
Erm fair enough. Not my circus. Not my moneys, but why is op being unreasonable

AllTheGlitters · 03/02/2017 01:31

Sing I'm going to assume that's a typo

OP this post has had me in tears :( I had awful experience at nursery myself, as such I'm refusing to let her go properly

AllTheGlitters · 03/02/2017 01:35

(sorry posted too soon!)

Refusing to let my DD go properly until she's 3 and a half and can hopefully communicate any issues. It's so, so sad to imagine a little toddler in that awful situation and having no one to comfort her :(

Definitely report to OFSTED, the nursery manager has an absolutely ridiculous attitude and sounds like she is more interested in avoiding a complaint by trying to justify her staff's disgusting behaviour than to put the wellbing of those little ones first.

You DD is DNBU to take her out, there was a woman in my nursery who was horrific and scary to me and it had lasting effects on my trust and confidence that carried well into primary school. Little ones need to be nurtured, I'm so sorry for your DGD :( Flowers

Littleballerina · 03/02/2017 01:36

That's heartbreaking. Poor little girl.
Absolutely do not send her back and do report.

anothermalteserplease · 03/02/2017 01:56

Poor girl. That's definitely not ok.

SunsetOnTheHorizon · 03/02/2017 02:08

Agree with phantom. Parents should be called to collect not let the poor child cry ALL morning. Some kind of torture. Parents need to be more proavtive and report asap. These dodgy settings need to be either shutdown or put under special measures. How damaging for a child!!!

Original poster
Laceandlove · 03/02/2017 14:08

Trifle it was incredibly hard to stand there and watch but I was waiting to see how long it took them to come and find her. Had i of gone in there after 1 min they could have fobbed me off so I wanted proof. My DD has written an email and will be escalating to ofsted. Funny enough my DD has messaged a lady that suddenly removed her DD without warning justvyo enquire the reasons why. She said that her DD had not wanted to sit down for a story and so the keyworker had "come down hard" on her and disciplined her. The lady didn't agree with how they handle the situation so removed her. It makes me wonder if that's what they were doing to GD

OP posts:
CaraAspen · 03/02/2017 14:14

I agree with people who say this nursery should be reported to Ofsted. I cannot believe the way done if those people treat often very young children. It goes without saying that your granddaughter should be taken away from that place, OP.

CaraAspen · 03/02/2017 14:14

...some of those people...

CripsSandwiches · 03/02/2017 14:14

her DD had not wanted to sit down for a story and so the keyworker had "come down hard" on her and disciplined her. [shock}

Sounds like these people have no idea that they're dealing with toddlers not six or seven year olds. Completely unrealistic expectations of the children.

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