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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

About this nursery incident

78 replies

Laceandlove · 02/02/2017 17:28

Long time lurker, first time poster.

My DD asked me to collect my GD from nursery today. I've not done this before as my DD usually does it.

I was early to collect her so took a slow walk to the nursery which is in town. Still got to the nursery early so hung around outside and happened to catch sight of my GD through the window. She was in a room on her own, facing the wall and crying. I stood and watched to see what was going to happen. 5 mins later no one came to her or asked her if she was ok. By this point I was getting very tetchy but still I waited as I wanted to see what was going on. 5 mins more passed and she still had not moved and no one had come to her so by this point I had enough and went to the front into reception.

I will be honest in that my anger took hold and I asked why the hell my GD was in a room at the back on her own crying facing the wall and no one had come to her. The answer was that she had been "crying all morning" and that they "couldn't do anything more for her" so basically just let her get on with it.

I've told my DD and she is extremely upset about it and wants to move her immediately. I've asked her if she has noticed this before but she said that she's never early to fetch her and she's already got her coat on ready to go when she gets there.

My GD is 2 so trying to ask her what happened is difficult as her speech isn't quite there to explain herself.

WWYD? Have we overreacted? Is this normal?

OP posts:

MrsWombat · 02/02/2017 18:10

To add to my comment above, the nursery called me to pick him up after an hour.

Verbena37 · 02/02/2017 18:10

Alarm bells.....the practice manager clearly hasn't got a clue!
Call ofsted and report them.
Then get your GD booked into another nursery.
Also, make sure your dd gets your GD's file and read what it says. I bet they didn't write that she was left alone aged 2 in a room on her own, crying!

youarenotkiddingme · 02/02/2017 18:11

Some children can't be consoled. Some take time to settle in.

But crying for a whole morning and being left alone is a room is unacceptable.

They should have at least contacted parent if unusual, spoken to parent before now if this is daily and had an adult in the room parallel playing an exiting activity to try and encourage child to engage. You don't even have to communicate with the child but there should have been some sort of attempt.

Verbena37 · 02/02/2017 18:13

Or they should have worked out a plan to integrate the child into nursery .....if possible and parent not working etc. So mum stays with GD for half an hour, then they both leave. Next time, they stay for longer, plus snack time, then go home etc. Until she felt more settled. I'm shocked!

tabithakitty · 02/02/2017 18:14

My DD is almost 3, has been in PT nursery since she was 6 months old. I would be REALLY upset if I were you or your DD.

It must be very difficult if a child cannot be comforted, but I agree with previous posters that I would expect to be called to take the child home. I guess sometimes it would be acceptable to take a child to a quiet place to se if that would calm them down, but ten mins crying in a room on her own is far too much / too long.

I would find it difficult to trust the nursery again tbh.

Goingtobeawesome · 02/02/2017 18:15

You poor thing. That must have been so distressing.

My DD was two when she started playschool. My older child had been fine there. After six ish months we were told DD hadn't settled. I thought she'd been fine. We removed her immediately as we felt they handled it all wrong. When we sent our next child there they admitted they'd done things wrong with my DD.

Take her out.

Report to the necessary people.

Offer to help with interim child care.

CherrySkull · 02/02/2017 18:19

Totally unacceptable, yes you do get children who cry, but to cry all day? nope, your DD or another contact should have been called.

She absolutely should not have been left on her own to cry, when i worked in a nursery any upset child was usually with their key worker and toted around being involved in things and comforted as much as possible.

Wondermoomin · 02/02/2017 18:21

That's really bad. They obviously don't have the skills or policies that you could reasonably expect a nursery to have.

First point of contact is complain to the nursery - your daughter has already done that and been fobbed off as "over reacting".

Next port of call is reporting to Ofsted. Not only for the incident you've described, but also because their complaint handling procedures are clearly inadequate.

I would not send her back but would go ahead and make contact with Ofsted (don't warn the nursery you're doing so - they've had their chance).

Welshrainbow · 02/02/2017 18:22

This makes me feel sick, no child should be left alone in a room to cry that's awful! Your daughter obviously isn't going to get anywhere with the manager so contact ofsted, it has to be a safeguarding issue of a child is left alone. My DS took months to settle into nursery I'd have been so angry if they'd treated him like this.

EyeStye · 02/02/2017 18:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheTantrumCometh · 02/02/2017 18:38

Unacceptable. Even more so that the manager is defending it. As a result of that I would definitely escalate it.

My DS (3) has just started preschool and he's finding it hard when I leave him in the mornings. But he's one of those kids where if he has a lot of muss made of him by his key worker, or anyone else, he'll stay upset or get worse. They learned very quickly that he just needs a bit of space, then he gets over himself or whatever is bothering him and joins in. He tends to dig his heels in otherwise. But he is in the same room as everyone, they reassure him that they're there, and then they give him a few minutes. It's always at the start of the day, immediately after I've left him. I have no doubt they would 1) not leave him for a significant period, and 2) phone me if it did continue longer.

No wonder the poor little thing hasn't settled well

LittleRed90 · 02/02/2017 18:40

Poor little thing, I'm heartbroken for you all just reading your thread. That is absolutely not acceptable under any circumstance. They should have telephoned her emergency contact number if they really did 'try everything'. Not leave her stood facing a bloody wall! How cruel.

witsender · 02/02/2017 18:41

No no no no and no.

Featherybum · 02/02/2017 18:43

The nursery / childminder I use would always cuddle a child in thst situation for however long, or call me if there was really nothing to be done, in fact I've seen my oldests reception teacher cuddling kids as needed. Not acceptable at all and I'd be taking it up with ofsted.

Stormwhale · 02/02/2017 18:48

That is awful. Your poor little gd. I would be absolutely livid.

I would get your daughter to send an email along the lines of:

I am writing to confirm your response to my complaint about my daughter's care today. My daughter was seen alone, clearly very distressed, facing a wall and was not approached by any staff or comforted in any way. Your response was blah blah blah (what they said).

This is clearly unacceptable and I will therefore be escalating my complaint to the relevant bodies. I will also be withdrawing my daughter from the nursery.

Then you have it in writing that their response was fucking appalling.

JigglyTuff · 02/02/2017 18:49

That's awful :(

Your poor GD and your poor DD too. Absolutely report them to ofsted.

MakeMyWineADouble · 02/02/2017 18:50

It sounds really fishey to me I'm not sure I have ever seen a 2 year old stand in one spot facing the wall and crying, and why leave her alone? If they couldn't settle her surely she stays were people can see her and at least try while the phone the parents? It sounds more like a punishment to me, but I might be completely wrong there. Definitely right to take her out and definitely needs to be reported. How is she when she goes in the morning? Is she tearful?

Oly5 · 02/02/2017 18:52

I would actually be telling Ofsted about this - and detailing the response of the nursery

Foxysoxy01 · 02/02/2017 18:52

Please do report to anyone and everyone you can starting with ofstead!
It is absolutely awful and think of all the other parents who have no clue this is how their DC are being treated.

JigglyTuff · 02/02/2017 18:52

Yes - put it in writing and add in how long you watched her being unattended and unwatched. Apart from the emotional distress of being ignored, she could have been sick, she could have fainted - anything could have happened while she was left alone for at least 10 minutes.

TheMysteriousJackelope · 02/02/2017 18:54

Not acceptable at all and that response is horrible. It makes me wonder how they helped your GD settle in. Only being there mornings has nothing to do with it. I've seen children who only go to pre-school two or three mornings a week settle in within a couple of visits. If your GD was having that much of a problem they should have called her mother for advice.

Disastronaut · 02/02/2017 19:02

Yeah, complain, definitely. If the manager minimises it, then they think it's acceptable and it's not. Written complaint to Ofsted. And don't send her back.

ShowMePotatoSalad · 02/02/2017 19:08

Poor little girl.

Finds it hard to make friends? What the hell...she's 2!

They sound awful to be honest. There is no excuse to leave a child crying like that. If she was in such distress they should have phoned her mum.

They sound like they are trying to blame your GD, ie insinuating she is not fitting in. When in reality what it sounds like is that she isn't adjusting to being at nursery very quickly/easily, which is totally understandable, especially as her emotional responses are completely ignored by nursery staff.

I'm incensed on your behalf. I would be devastated if my son's nursery were like this. I thank my lucky stars every day that they are good, kind people who care for him so well.

Ohb0llocks · 02/02/2017 19:40

Oh my god, poor little thing! Furious on your behalf OP what disgusting treatment of a child.

Is it a private or a chain nursery?

Complain to anyone you can. OFSTED etc.

waterrat · 02/02/2017 19:42

Id report to ofsted . It's completely wrong to let a 2 year old cry all day without alerting parents thst the child is unusually distressed.

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