To be miffed with them not paying fairly?

[justanotheryoungmother]

I didn't know how else to word the title so no click bait intended.

My friends and I met up for dinner because we rarely get to see each-other with all of our different schedules (some are at university, others work etc).

I had 'morning' (air quotes because it's mainly all day nausea for me) sickness so I couldn't stomach a lot but still wanted to see them so I went and had a salad, as I really couldn't stomach any more and I had one soft drink (obviously wouldn't drink whilst pregnant!).

My friends, however, did make quite a night of it and had mains and desserts, plus a lot of them had a few glasses of wine. When it came to the bill, I said shall we all just pay for what we had, and one of them piped up and said 'we all spent about the same, so it'd be easier to just split it evenly'. What?? I have no problem with paying my share, but ended up paying considerably more than I should have (IMO). I didn't care what they ordered, or that they drank, but surely I shouldn't have to pay for it?? I did say that I didn't really spend as much and another one said 'your salad was nearly as much as our mains' when it was considerable less. I didn't want to ruin tonight, so I just paid my 'share' and said nothing else.

Sorry for the rant, but AIBU to be a bit miffed at this??

Yeah I would be a bit miffed at this so I would say yanbu in my eyes. We always split the bill equally but if someone has had considerably less then they would pay for their own and the rest of us would split the rest. I wouldn't stew over it though it argue with your friends, would just be a bit pissed off but let it go. This time...

YANBU, you bought them dinner. I hope they thanked you.

I would have been more vocal
"Right seeing as I'm pregnant and only ate salad and had a coke I'll pay my amount seperatly if you're all splitting"

Didn't you mention the wine?

'we all spent about the same, so it'd be easier to just split it evenly'

At which point you say, sorry - I didn't have much. I'll pay mine and you lot split the rest.

I'm an old hand at it - non-drinker who goes for meals where everyone else drinks. It took a few times for people to get it, but they all know now that I will pay my share (and contribute to tip), but I won't pay an even split.

Mrsglitterfairy I agree with you, I won't stew over it, just felt a bit annoyed

Only the poorest and/or least greedy person at the table is in a position to offer to split the bill.

I think it was very rude of them. In most restaurants you should be able to go and pay for exactly what you had and leave them to split the rest - which would probably have been the most elegant solution.

Best of luck for the rest of your pregnancy.

This exact same thing happened to me twice when pregnant, friends drinking champagne, 3 courses and me a small pizza and water. Insisted we split the bill. It may sound petty and dramatic but I couldn't think of them the same after that and the friendship was never the same again.

Exactly what 4yoni said. I would always check before ordering what the whole group plan on doing.

Generally if somebody, or a few, aren't drinking alcohol, we split the cost of the food, then the drink separately & divide it that way. No way a pregnant non drinking person should be made subsidise the alcohol.

Get your own back when you're breastfeeding and hungry all the time

More people than you think are like this. It's amazing how often the folk who had 3 courses and drank are keen to split evenly, and mysteriously never notice the vegetarian designated driver who just had a main. Unfortunately they count on others being too nice/polite to object and often this works. You have to speak up and be firm. It can help to be cheerful in tone or even laugh ('my salad as much as your main? Ah, you're such a laugh') in doing it, but you have to learn to stand your ground. You'll be prepared next time.

Someone tried it on with me recently. They had all had wine except me and suggested a bill split. I said no and put my money on the table. No one complained.

I genuinely don't understand why you didn't just open your bloody mouth, it is hardly going to ruin the night pointing out that you didn't have alcohol and dessert.

I always tot up what I spend and I pay that plus a tip. I dont drink so use that excuse when I need it.

We once went out, me and two others stuck to the budget (work meal) and the others were ordering wine and chasers like they were free. The director was at the same meal. His credit card wouldn't take the full whack and it bill was excruciating. Three of the managers had to split it and use three were disgusted that the director let them get away with it.

He said he would get his secretary to split it by area and we were fuming that it would sit on our finances so we got her to actually cost ours as the correct budget amount and split the others. And that's not even my own money!

You could have said 'My salad was ten pounds and I only had water to drink so I'll kick in X to cover my meal, drink, and tip'.

If this is a recurring theme, ask the waiter or waitress for separate bills when you sit down so they divide everything up between you correctly.

Had a very similar situation, big group meal, we left earlier than others because both getting over bad colds, hadn't drunk and only had one course. We left more than enough to cover what we had had, 2 days later got a text saying can you pay X and Y £10 each as they put in extra when the bill came. I ignored the text because I'd witness X and Y having at least 4 drinks each while we were there to our 1 glass of water! Goodness knows who's many more they ordered after we left.

You should feel miffed. When I was pregnant and went out with my friends who had wine, not only did we not split but they paid for mine too! I've never forgotten that, it was a lovely touch. I suspect you won't forget your experience in a hurry. Hope the sickness eases soon. :)

Shudder. I hate stuff like this. I remember going out with DH and his friends for a 'couples meal out' - they all drank, had appetisers, desserts, etc, whereas we - strapped for cash and non-drinkers - picked the cheapest mains on the menu. They came to the split and said a value. It was nearly three times what DH and I had spent, but we decided we'd suck it up. It was all our money for the month, but we could just manage. Then it came out it was per person - DH went ballistic. We paid the triple-cost amount, but no more. Not going into debt to fund someone else's meal! And never went out with them again.

I didn't want to ruin tonight, so I just paid my 'share' and said nothing else.

There's your mistake. There would have been no need to ruin the night if you had firmly and politely (re)stated that you wanted to pay for your only meal because you only had a salad.

Your friends were rude, imo.

Speak up next time and tell them you're only paying for what you had.

"No sorry it didn't. You are welcome to split the rest but I will just pay for what I ordered"

I think it depends what you usually do. We always split the bill equally in one group and in another group take it in turns to pay. Often 1 person isn't drinking for one reason or another (not the same person each time)

What do you usually do? If you usually split then chances are that you have profited at some point. Swings and roundabouts.

When me and my friends go out we always split the bill, but I have one friend who always insists on calculating what she had and paying separately. This is always a ball--ache and involves lots of fannying around and to-Ing and fro-Ing of cards etc. she is no less affluent than the rest of us and we all usually have the same bar a drink or two. She also often won't tip the staff if she doesn't feel the service has been 'that great' (this is most of the time) - I just find her to be a bit of an annoying tight-arse sometimes to be honest. I really dislike parsimony.

It happened to me on a work night out years ago. I was the lowest paid member of the department by a long chalk and we were at a Chinese restaurant. I was a vegetarian at the time and ordered a stir fry. The rest had the banquet option, 3 times the price. I stood my ground by only putting in the exact amount plus 10% tip and refusing to pay more. I wasn't popular as a result but honestly couldn't care less