To be miffed with them not paying fairly?

[justanotheryoungmother]

I didn't know how else to word the title so no click bait intended.

My friends and I met up for dinner because we rarely get to see each-other with all of our different schedules (some are at university, others work etc).

I had 'morning' (air quotes because it's mainly all day nausea for me) sickness so I couldn't stomach a lot but still wanted to see them so I went and had a salad, as I really couldn't stomach any more and I had one soft drink (obviously wouldn't drink whilst pregnant!).

My friends, however, did make quite a night of it and had mains and desserts, plus a lot of them had a few glasses of wine. When it came to the bill, I said shall we all just pay for what we had, and one of them piped up and said 'we all spent about the same, so it'd be easier to just split it evenly'. What?? I have no problem with paying my share, but ended up paying considerably more than I should have (IMO). I didn't care what they ordered, or that they drank, but surely I shouldn't have to pay for it?? I did say that I didn't really spend as much and another one said 'your salad was nearly as much as our mains' when it was considerable less. I didn't want to ruin tonight, so I just paid my 'share' and said nothing else.

Sorry for the rant, but AIBU to be a bit miffed at this??

What I don't like though is when everyone has had roughly the same and people won't bill spilt and insist on paying for exactly what they had (especially when it turns out after you calculate theirs they're paying the same anyway) because that really does make it hard work

And there is always one fucker who won't admit how much they had, and then won't put in for the tip as well!

They probably should have been considerate of you and mentioned a lower figure, but as a general rule, I always split the bill evenly and am happy to do so even when my items have cost less (they often do because I'm veggie).

Firstly, I see it as swings and roundabouts so even if you've consumed less this time, you might consume more than everyone else next time. Secondly, going out for a meal together is about more than the food- it's a shared experience- and there is something kind of nitpicking about making sure that you only pay for what you had.

Ummm...

Take receipt/bill and identify exactly how much your food and drink cost. Then pay just that... gratuity included or not.

If you had the same amount etc. I can understand splitting the bill.

Why are people so polite about these things?

pay what you owe and leave...

Pluck up next time OP!

Doesn't this always happen though? There is always someone who is not drinking, or on a diet. Tends to be swings and roundabouts - next time it might be someone else who eats/drinks less.

Take receipt/bill and identify exactly how much your food and drink cost. Then pay just that... gratuity included or not

This only works if everyone takes responsibility for the shared stuff that is often what bumps up general cost particularly with a large group. For example, if the restaurant charges for bread & oil, olives, side salads, other shared side dishes nuts, bottled table water etc etc etc: stuff "for the table". Personally, I think that calculating exactly as suggested is a bit dickish as well. If you do it, make sure you add a wodge of cash in proportion to the overall bill. I speak from bitter experience of being stiffed for shortfalls when people blithely say "Oh I've left my money with X"

Frankly, often the people who do that never leave enough.

So it works both ways ...

You should have said something at the start but, I do agree with you

I think often as well non drinkers forget that soft drinks sometimes cost more than alcohol.So the i only had 2 cokes and a small pizza could work out teh same as someone having a glass of wine and a bowl of soup.

But i think the next time[if you do go]say it at the beginning of the meal.

I think YABU for not piping up, your friends might not have noticed the disparity in what you ordered. Of course you shouldn't have split the bill equally but you actually need to tell them or just pay for what you ate and don't give them another option.

Instead you've ended up worse off financially and a bit pissed off because of something that was easily solvable.

This is exactly why i stopped going out to the big family get together meals with my mums family. Me and my dad would have no starters or dessert, choose a low as possible priced meal and one soft drink each, the others would all share various starters and desserts and be on multiple cocktails, glasses of wine and bottles of beer (they all tend to drink to excess at get togethers, both at home and eat out meals)
Then the bill would be split up by how many people were there, and we'd end up with about £30 more than what we'd actually eaten/drank shoved on to the bill between us.
All my mums 3 siblings have well paying careers, as do their partners, so are all very comfortably well off (think at least one foreign holiday a year, including places like vegas) Where as i'm disabled and unable to work and my dad is my full time carer, mum dead, and we're on less than minimum wage for one person between the both of us. We are understandably embarrassed about our financial situation so didn't argue about how the bill was split but it was extortionate and put a real strain on us for the rest of the month.
For the people that do all have roughly the same it's not going to be much difference between their "share" of an evenly split bill and paying for their individual stuff, but it really screws over those who are less indulgent, don't drink alcohol, or who aren't financially well off and are trying to keep it cheap as possible.
Personally i don't want to cut out social gatherings, but from now on i'm not going to shy away from making it clear i only intend to pay for what i have consumed, it's not unreasonable to not want to be part paying for everyone else, it IS unreasonable for them to expect me to cover part of their costs. If they choose to split the rest of the bill evenly or individually is up to them.

urgh, no, YANBU. as a non-drinker this kind of dinner is more often than not way more stressful than it ought to be.

I can't really work out from the OP whether or not this dinner is a regular, semi-regular or one-off occurrence. This made me wonder whether you have perhaps been for meals before where you've split the bill, but where you've been among the drinkers and multiple course havers? I might be completely wrong, but that would explain your friend basically telling you not to make a fuss. I would never mind someone pointing out they'd had less at a one-off dinner - and, indeed, I always try to notice and point it out so they don't have to - but if a friend who had always benefited from splitting the bill suddenly started objecting when she was paying a bit over the odds, I might be a bit miffed.

I can't believe how rude and grabby your friends are! You did speak up but they overruled you! Time to find new friends OP!

On the other hand, maybe your bill wasn't all that less than at least that of one other person? You had a salad and one drink which, depending on restaurant, could be the same as someone who ordered say, a pasta and one beer?

If I'd been out in your group I'd have piped up and said "let's pay for justanotheryoungmother, she has had virtually nothing" . I hate squabbles and itemising what everyone had but it's not fair for a pregnant person or non drinker to pay for alcohol.
I hoipe you didn't drive them all home.....