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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be miffed with them not paying fairly?

89 replies

justanotheryoungmother · 18/01/2017 21:44

I didn't know how else to word the title so no click bait intended.

My friends and I met up for dinner because we rarely get to see each-other with all of our different schedules (some are at university, others work etc).

I had 'morning' (air quotes because it's mainly all day nausea for me) sickness so I couldn't stomach a lot but still wanted to see them so I went and had a salad, as I really couldn't stomach any more and I had one soft drink (obviously wouldn't drink whilst pregnant!).

My friends, however, did make quite a night of it and had mains and desserts, plus a lot of them had a few glasses of wine. When it came to the bill, I said shall we all just pay for what we had, and one of them piped up and said 'we all spent about the same, so it'd be easier to just split it evenly'. What?? I have no problem with paying my share, but ended up paying considerably more than I should have (IMO). I didn't care what they ordered, or that they drank, but surely I shouldn't have to pay for it?? I did say that I didn't really spend as much and another one said 'your salad was nearly as much as our mains' when it was considerable less. I didn't want to ruin tonight, so I just paid my 'share' and said nothing else.

Sorry for the rant, but AIBU to be a bit miffed at this??

OP posts:

thirstyformore · 18/01/2017 22:23

I once paid £50 for a portion of chips and two soft drinks when I was pregnant. Ended up out with a friends' group of friends who I didn't know. They all agreed to split the bill after an evening of food and cocktails.

I was pissed off then and still am 10 years later!

RB68 · 18/01/2017 22:24

There is a difference between parsimony and making someone pay for your drunkeness and greed though

RB68 · 18/01/2017 22:24

There is a difference between parsimony and making someone pay for your drunkeness and greed though

RB68 · 18/01/2017 22:24

There is a difference between parsimony and making someone pay for your drunkeness and greed though

BackforGood · 18/01/2017 22:25

"No sorry it didn't. You are welcome to split the rest but I will just pay for what I ordered"

This ^

Cherrysoup · 18/01/2017 22:26

Why did you cave? Are they not good friends? Be firm, they took the piss, frankly.

Magzmarsh · 18/01/2017 22:28

I agree RB x 3

TeethDrama · 18/01/2017 22:30

I have friends who are known for ordering expensive wines, desserts, extras like olives and then always want to split the bill evenly. I don't know how they've got the cheek to do it, I would never do that!

Perhaps they were tipsy and genuinely didn't think at the time that you had only had a salad. If they were being cheeky, then they can't mind you saying "Oh guys, I only had a salad and a soft drink so can we take my £15 off the total and do the split after that?" For this, you need to have noted the cost of what you were having or got your paws on the bill first so you can clock your own expenses and the total and can be ready to go on to say... "So the bill's £165, minus my £15 so it's £150 between you three" (or whatever). Another tip is to always carry cash in a variety of notes and pound coins, which is easier to do if you're only on things like salads and soft drinks. There's something about firmly putting the right money in there and then which is more meaningful, especially as sometimes it takes ages for the waiting staff to come over and do the payment bit, so you'd end up repeating yourself again then. Once cash is down = job done and you can pop to the ladies whilst they sort out all the card payments

melj1213 · 18/01/2017 22:31

YANBU to not want to split the bill evenly when you clearly had an uneven amount

YABU to not speak up at the time and just feel miffed afterwards when you had the opportunity to sort it in the moment, without "ruining" the night.

I go out to dinner with a friend of mine every 3/4 months, we usually just split the bill evenly because it's a regular dinner date and the individual price differences all even out over time. The only exception is if one of us isn't drinking rare but blue moons do happen occasionally then we split the food bill and then pay for our own drinks.

I have another larger group of friends I go out with a couple of times a year, at most, and if everyone is having similar food/drinks we split evenly, but if someone has something significantly different to the rest (salad/soft drinks as opposed to 3 courses and wine) then nobody has ever had a problem with them only paying for their food and the rest of us either do the same and split the rest of the bill evenly, minus the individual payment.

YouHadMeAtCake · 18/01/2017 22:33

YADNBU! I lost friends over this sort of situation. It was many years ago but I'll never forget it! I was on AB and therefore could not drink. There was a lot of us ,12 I think,and the bill for the alcohol was actually more than the food. They were really knocking it back. My sister was pregnant so she only had soft drink or water. Everyone had starters mains and desserts and we had just a main meal.

The head bully decided to show us up in front of everyone when we said we werent happy to split when we weren't drinking and didn't have much food. The nicer ones agreed. The most annoying thing was I had driven a few of us that night,the bully included! She made a big show of us being " tight" and was really nasty about it. We told her what we thought , it was pretty awkward and unpleasant. We never went out again and didn't speak to her or the ones that were on her side.

I'm always happy to split the bill when DH and I go out with friends as we all eat drink the same amount pretty much, nobody takes the piss as they know it will be spilt, but I'm not paying for someone else's champagne!

TweedleDee3TweedleDum · 18/01/2017 22:34

I would be miffed too, but ultimately, you didn't have to pay what they suggested.

Magzmarsh · 18/01/2017 22:35

Not quite the same thing but has anyone ever had the problem of bill splitting at a big table and it's quite obvious that someone hasn't put any money in? It's happened to me twice, both times I strongly suspected who was the culprit but they never admitted it and we all had to chip in their share. Bloody infuriating

AuntMabel · 18/01/2017 22:36

I can never understand why people don't just say bugger off no to splitting the bill unfairly. How would paying for what you actually had have ruined the evening? Apart from ruining your own evening being pissed off about it.

There's some skewed logic right there.

Bette85 · 18/01/2017 22:39

YANBU - Where there is a clearly a big difference in the values, the person who had more should suggest that everyone pays for what they had and the person who had less can, if they wish, suggest that everyone just splits the bill. It's not for the person who had the most to volunteer for everyone else to pay for them.

ThisYearWillbeBetter · 18/01/2017 22:40

YANBU. I'd be annoyed as well, in your situation.

However ... in suggesting people just put in what they ordered, you might be a bit U. I only say this because I've had experience of being the one left with the bill when others have said airily, "Oh, I've put in what mine cost" and swan off.

I once had to cover a £35 shortfall, and it wasn't possible to recivthat cash afterwards. People conveniently forget the table extras suggest as bread or olives, or the like.

DontTouchTheMoustache · 18/01/2017 22:40

I am one of the most passive and least confrontational people on the planet but even I always stand my ground on this one. I don't know why anyone wouldn't just say "yeah I think you guys might have all had about the same so I'm just going to pay for mine and you guys can split the rest". Chances are they haven't noticed you have had less (probably too much wine).
If I know I'm really on a budget I just say at the beginning of the meal that I am only going to be able to have a few bits and pay for my own, saves any awkwardness at the end when bill splitting.

ConvincingLiar · 18/01/2017 22:41

I think the default is to pay for what you consumed and only to split the bill by consent. I will only suggest splitting if I consumed less than the others or if it's genuinely about equal. In a big group I might suggest that the sober dieting veggie's share is taken off and then the rest is split.

I was a bit surprised recently when my (normally v generous) boss told me she'd billed me an equal split on a work meal where I was one of the few non drinkers whereas another non drinking colleague had insisted (successfully) that she would only pay for what she'd had. She said she knew I wouldn't mind, and whilst i didn't mind too much, I'd rather it was a choice to the generous rather than have it forced on me.

LadyVampire · 18/01/2017 22:46

It's really frustrating when the ones who have ordered the most expensive are the ones who insist on splitting.

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 18/01/2017 22:46

This is one of my most useful skills. I am great at mental arithmetic so can do a speedy "right it works out at £28 each including tip but Susan you didn't have pudding so put in £24, Lucy didn't drink so put in £20 and Ann and Jane both had cocktails so can you put in £34 each" before the average person has got their purse out.

melj1213 · 18/01/2017 22:48

Not quite the same thing but has anyone ever had the problem of bill splitting at a big table and it's quite obvious that someone hasn't put any money in?

I've rarely had this problem but then if this is the case, we've always found that the quickest way to sort the bill is to have one person (either the person who organized the meal or the one with the best maths skills lol) have the bill and work out individual shares and then as it's worked out, you can throw your money?card in the pot and we can keep track of what's still owed ... that way nobody can get out of paying and it's a lot easier for the staff if we can say "Right, here's £86 in cash, then it's £36 on Card A, £23 on Card B and £29 on Card C" rather than faffing around, letting everyone look at the bill try and work out their share etcetc ... if there's change due back we usually leave it as a tip (as everyone usually rounds up to the nearest pound when they throw money in) unless it's a stupidly high amount, and then we usuallyleave part of it as a tip and it gets divided out fairly

50ShadesOfEarlGrey · 18/01/2017 22:54

It's happened to me too. I was invited out with a big group of new friends when we had moved to a new area, so felt obliged to go even though I was on a healthy eating kick at the time. I had no idea how much they would all eat and drink, I was quite shocked and even more so when it was decided that we would all split the bill. I paid £38 for a salad and a bottle of fizzy water and this was ten years ago.
One other person had a similar amount to me, and she left before everyone else, making a big point of having to get back for the babysitter, and paying for what she had ordered. Next day she told me she hadn't really had to leave early but had been stung by their splitting the bill once before and never again. So that's what I now do when out with groups like this, and I'm unsure of what the protocol will be. Leave early and pay for what Ive actually consumed.

CoolJazz · 18/01/2017 22:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FeliciaJollygoodfellow · 18/01/2017 22:58

As a grown woman with your friends why didn't you just laugh and say you'd pay for your salad and drink separately? I can understand feeling browbeaten into it by a bdw group of friends but these sound like good friends?

YANBU to be miffed but be more pissed off that you appear to not have a backbone!

ThisYearWillbeBetter · 18/01/2017 22:59

As logn as when you do that, you leave enough to cover your bill fully - including a tip, a contribution to tjose things "for the table" such as bread, side salads, etc.

Because of my experience of having to pick up the bill, while I understand the OP's miffedness, tbh, I dread the way some peopl e leave early and say they've left their share. Because in my experience, they rarely have ...

Nofunkingworriesmate · 18/01/2017 23:09

My uncle and his side of the family once had steak and lashings of wine and then he insisted I pay £ 30 for a side portion of chips and a coke ( cost £9) when I was a student 24 years ago... Not forgotten
Whenever I eat with non drinkers we always say " you didn't drink so pay x amount less" often When I was pregnant I insisted on splitting bill equally for speed and less faffing and my friends always insisted on making it fair which I always appreciated

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