To be miffed with them not paying fairly?

[justanotheryoungmother]

I didn't know how else to word the title so no click bait intended.

My friends and I met up for dinner because we rarely get to see each-other with all of our different schedules (some are at university, others work etc).

I had 'morning' (air quotes because it's mainly all day nausea for me) sickness so I couldn't stomach a lot but still wanted to see them so I went and had a salad, as I really couldn't stomach any more and I had one soft drink (obviously wouldn't drink whilst pregnant!).

My friends, however, did make quite a night of it and had mains and desserts, plus a lot of them had a few glasses of wine. When it came to the bill, I said shall we all just pay for what we had, and one of them piped up and said 'we all spent about the same, so it'd be easier to just split it evenly'. What?? I have no problem with paying my share, but ended up paying considerably more than I should have (IMO). I didn't care what they ordered, or that they drank, but surely I shouldn't have to pay for it?? I did say that I didn't really spend as much and another one said 'your salad was nearly as much as our mains' when it was considerable less. I didn't want to ruin tonight, so I just paid my 'share' and said nothing else.

Sorry for the rant, but AIBU to be a bit miffed at this??

YABU you should have bought this up at the time of payment and insisted upon paying less due to the lack of wine you had. Weed

Alcohol has a big mark up so normally what you'd do (for non drinkers) is split the food bill between everyone and the alchohol bill between the drinkers.

If I'm in that position as a drinker I make a point of insisting the non drinkers shouldn't be spliting the alcohol bill because often that is the largest part.

You should have said happy to split main bill but as I wasn't drinking....
and your friends would have said oh! of course - unless they are twats. In which case you need new friends.

I was very impressed when I went out with a work group at a conference in Northern Sweden (about 30 in our group) that the waitress asked at the start whether one person was paying or if we were paying individually. We said individually. At the end of the night everyone got an individual bill for exactly what they had - no faffing/no maths

If I'm not drinking and feeling too broke to pay anyway I stick to tap water so that it is crystal clear that my drinks weren't roughly equivalent in cost. To be honest a few cokes can add up a fair bit.

I agree with PPs who say that the biggest spenders are usually the keenest to split evenly. I don't usually mind much on my own account, but on several occasions have had to defend friends who said at the start of the meal that they were broke and only eating a tiny bit then some big spender tried to split the bill evenly at the end.

Most groups I go out with alcohol is paid separately so as not to hit the drivers/non drinkers.

Speaking up at the time of payment only works if there is an actual pause for discussion. In the incident I related above, the bill was delivered to another person at the far end of the table, he apparently immediately did some mental math and said something that those of us on our end of the table couldn't hear. People started dropping cash, getting coats on, and leaving. By the time the message filtered down the table about the amount, it was far too late to do any adjustment. (I understand there was some kind of group fund that what turned out to be half our "amount", e.g., another 3x the cost of what we'd actually eaten, came out of, when DH point blank refused to cough up more).

In my experience, people who order drinks can lose track of how much what they're ordering costs. I remember going out with a huge crowd - about 80 or so - I held the financial reins for the dozen in my group. Several of mine where quite freely imbibing. When the bill came down, their estimate of what they had drunk and the table-bill were off by about 50%. We paid our share, but the organisers were still £320 short in the end! Nightmare.

Agree from experience it's always the same ones that order loads that want to split the bill or even worse order an embarrassingly lavish amount know that someone else is paying - BIL springs to mind greedy twat

No. No no no. Friends? Really? Friends would have noticed how little you ate and specified that you should only pay for that. I don't know how many there were, but as soon as one of them suggested you split the bill equally, the others should have said 'no - justanother only had a salad and soft drink - thats not fair'. Some friends

There been some examples of right cheeky people on threads about bill splitting.

Everyone just pays for their own whoever I'm out with, dhs family, my family, friends, all of them prefer paying seperatly. There's no fannying about when the bill comes or calculators out because everyone already knows how much they've spent.

There's only one time we said we'd split bill and it ended badly. About 20 of us at a meal for my bday. I'd overheard bil telling my sister to suggest splitting the bill, as we all always order similar etc, we'd gone outside to meet a late comer and sister then said about splitting bill, we said we'd give it a try but food bill only, as some people drink lager and wine like fish while others stay on water etc.

Mam buys everyone first drink at bar, costs a fortune, very generous of her, when she ordered drinks she'd bought herself a bottle of wine to be brought to table with the food.

Food wise everybody ordered similar amounts, same as we always do, bil was proper cheerful and when he clocked waiter bringing mam wine he started ordering treble whiskeys! Sil hadn't told him we were only splitting food and was trying to kick him under table. He's never drank anything other than lager in all the years I've known him and watching him do that because he thought everyone else was laying a share of it really showed him in a different light.

Bil had a brilliant night.... Until the bil came. Bil wasn't happy at all, he'd trotted up their share and it was a lot lower than he'd planned.

Splitting bil would have cost dh and I about £5 quid more, which isn't too bad, but even without the drinks bill, the way bil had worked it out, our share was £30 more than we'd spent. Fuck that!

Bil assumes bill would be split by family and not by person. He thought he'd been clever and found himself a way to save a few quid, all the DC ate from adult menu, bil and sil had six members to their family, whereas others were just one. Of course he thought it was a brilliant idea. Daft twat.

Everyone pointed out to him that what he was suggesting wasn't fair at all, that it isn't working out about the same, and that he was a twat for ordering drinks he'd never ever had before and onky did this time because he wrongly thought it was getting added to food bill. That the bday person bill should only be about £15 but the way he'd split they were paying £55. Basically told to get on his bike. My sister was cringing and I bet they had a fuck off row once bil sobered up.

I don't know why people have this issue! Tell the waiter/waitress at the start that you will pay individually. That's what happens on in Continental Europe. Why not in U.K.?

Yanbu, I hate this. I hate it even more when this subject is discussed and people say that not wanting to do it means you're tight... I think expecting others to subsidise your food and drink is much more tight and so unattractive.

alltouchedout exactly! Someone once said to me (unsurprisingly one of those keen to split the bill, who'd drunk loads) it was 'tacky'. What, more tacky than expecting others to pay your way for you?

ecumenical yes, it's always the better off diners who do this most. Poorer folk are anxious not to be a financial burden on others in my experience.

Mam buys everyone first drink at bar, costs a fortune, very generous of her, when she ordered drinks she'd bought herself a bottle of wine to be brought to table with the food. Food wise everybody ordered similar amounts, same as we always do, bil was proper cheerful and when he clocked waiter bringing mam wine he started ordering treble whiskeys! Sil hadn't told him we were only splitting food and was trying to kick him under table. He's never drank anything other than lager in all the years I've known him and watching him do that because he thought everyone else was laying a share of it really showed him in a different light.

I love it! Would love to have seen his face when he discovered that his drinks bill wasn't being subsidised.

OP - I've had the same thing happen to me. I just stopped going out with that group.

Spartacus - that's terrible. How embarrassing. I can't stand behaviour like that. And to think he did this to family members.

I'm with the person upthread who said keep a mental note of what you had and then make sure you have the cash. A friend used to do this with work do's. She'd only ever order a main and a soft drink. Everyone else would be there earlier than her ordering shorts then wine, starters, mains and desserts. So she'd think well my main was £12 or whatever and the soft drink £3 so that's £15 but she'd chuck in £20 so more than a decent tip as well and a nice round number. I tend to do that too. If going for 3 courses I'm usually only with one or two friends not large groups. I don't usually like more than one or two courses anyway and don't drink loads. I don't mind subsidising a bit as it evens out or I don't want to make a fuss but I wouldn't be subsidising more than £10 for a meal and I wouldn't be doing that too often either, so that would be my limit for a one-off.

And I agree it's more tacky to assume others are going to subsidise you. They expect you to be generous yet they're not being generous themselves.

You should've insisted "no, mine was considerable less as I didn't have dessert or wine. I'll pay for mine and you can all split the rest"

I dont know why people would get arsey about paying for what they've consumed

If I know someone at the table has had noticeably less, I will always say they should pay less so they don't have to feel awkward speaking up. I feel very embarrassed at someone picking up part of my food bill. I actually often will order something cheaper off the menu for fear or other people subbing me if I order the fillet steak!

However I agree with PP who said they can't stand people sitting poring over the minutiae of the bill. I can't either. I think a couple of quid here or there between friends usually rights itself over time. It is different if someone would owe £20 less.

I also think often people who want to just put in their share underestimate a lot of the time and others pick up the slack.

I can't decide who is more unreasonable - them for letting it happen or you for letting it happen.

There should be an MN acronym for being annoyed with posters who are pushovers but come on MN to moan about it, because it happens an awful lot on MN.

You should be miffed at yourself. They said "we all spent the same, lets split it". If you didn't say "no, we didn't, mine is a fraction of yours" thats really just on you.

I'm teetotal and find most people are considerate enough to ensure I don't subsidise them. I would speak up if they didn't though.

I don't mind either way but if you insist on paying for what you've had - remember what you've had! I have a group of friends that does this every time, and I've ended up just putting extra in every time for the inevitable shortfall and paying for more than I've had.

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I'm usually the person with the extra booze and loads of food so if others aren't drinking I always ask for the drinks bill to be separate and make sure those with less courses pay less and I never order the most expensive things. What I don't like though is when everyone has had roughly the same and people won't bill spilt and insist on paying for exactly what they had (especially when it turns out after you calculate theirs they're paying the same anyway) because that really does make it hard work.

I think the key here is to say at the start you will be paying for your own.

Usually if im eating with friends we split the bill but pay for drinks separate.That usually works.

" What I don't like though is when everyone has had roughly the same and people won't bill spilt and insist on paying for exactly what they had (especially when it turns out after you calculate theirs they're paying the same anyway) because that really does make it hard work."

I love though when it works out more expensive for them,their face does be priceless.