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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

10 week old not allowed at wedding

100 replies

Sparklyuggs · 03/01/2017 14:26

Will try not to drip feed.

I'm a bridesmaid for a close friend this October and my first baby is due in August. When I was asked to be a BM I explained we were TTC so there was a small chance I'd be too pregnant to come (I live abroad so have to fly) or would have a small baby with me, which my friend said was fine. When I found out I was pg, I told my friend and again said I was happy to step down from being a BM as wasn't sure how much help I would be on the day if I had a 10 week old with me and I hope to BF. I also said my parents might stay nearby to help out.

Bride has emailed me today and said 'thank god you aren't bringing your baby, I'm over on numbers and I have to univite everyone's children except for breastfed babies'.

AIBU to think it's unfair that I am expected to not bring my 10 week old? I want to breastfeed and I also don't want to have to leave them, if I choose to leave the baby with my parents if they come surely that's my choice? I might be being PFB but first trip abroad and leaving a 10 week old feels too much, but happy to be told IABU.

OP posts:
Cakescakescakes · 03/01/2017 14:27

No way would I leave a 10 week old bf baby.

downwardfacingdog · 03/01/2017 14:28

Huh? But he/she will be a breastfed baby, all being well.

user1471517900 · 03/01/2017 14:28

but your baby is allowed if breast fed. So this is fine. I assume there's been some crossed wires here.

downwardfacingdog · 03/01/2017 14:29

I would just say sorry you're not able to be bridesmaid after all then

Scarydinosaurs · 03/01/2017 14:29

You said on your email you wanted to BF and she replied as if you had said you weren't breastfeeding??

Did she not read your email properly? Call her.

TenaciousOne · 03/01/2017 14:30

I wouldn't leave a 10 week old before.

MrsA2015 · 03/01/2017 14:30

But she said except breastfed babies, you want to breastfeed. Don't see what the issue is?

luckylucky24 · 03/01/2017 14:30

Just email back and say "I do intend to BF so will be bringing my baby. I hope this is okay as otherwise I may not be able to come as previously discussed".

PurpleMinionMummy · 03/01/2017 14:31

Eh? It clearly says bf babies can come. Whats the issue?

TenaciousOne · 03/01/2017 14:31

Before. I mean behind. I'd call her and talk.

MissBattleaxe · 03/01/2017 14:31

First of all, if your baby is not born yet you may not get a passport for them in time. Secondly, you should be allowed to bring your baby if you are breastfeeding ( and even if you are not- babes in arms should not be excluded IMO).

Your friend has bridezilla fever. Nobody can help her until this is over. She is now quite mad until married life begins.

Rafflesway · 03/01/2017 14:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PurpleDaisies · 03/01/2017 14:31

Just say no. I'm amazed anyone would expect a small baby to be left.

welshweasel · 03/01/2017 14:32

When I was 10 weeks post partum I'd have been happy to go to the wedding (assuming it's a short haul flight) but no way would I have left my baby, irrespective of how he was fed. She's being unreasonable to expect you to do that. Either you come, with the baby, or don't come at all. Give her the choice.

Twolittlejobbys · 03/01/2017 14:32

I think the issue is the bride said "than god you're not taking your baby" presumed it will be bottle fed?

PurpleDaisies · 03/01/2017 14:32

What happens if the op can't breastfeed? World she be expected to leave the baby then? It's the age of the baby that should be taken into account, not the feeding method.

GieryFas · 03/01/2017 14:32

Maybe she doesn't understand that a breastfed 10 week old can't spend the day with your parents, does she have kids? Anyway, I'd reply saying that you're planning to breastfeed so your baby would need to come with (and you'll need to think about feeding access in the dress, too), is that OK or would she prefer you stand down.

Slightlyperturbedowlagain · 03/01/2017 14:33

Am a bit confused as to why a 10 week old baby would affect the number of guests in any way. For what it's worth I personally wouldn't dream of leaving a 10 week old baby more than 10-15 minutes away from where I was (I have 2 DCs so some experience with babies).

Soubriquet · 03/01/2017 14:33

How is you taking a 10 week old baby over numbers?

Breast or bottle it doesn't need a seat or a meal plan. It needs its parents arms and milk

Very odd

PotteringAlong · 03/01/2017 14:34

You need to ring, not email, and clarify. Just say that you're hoping to breastfeed so you'll need to bring them. If that's an issue then you will not be able to come.

Glitterous · 03/01/2017 14:39

If you're breastfeeding then you can take your baby according to what these bride has said.

You may though want to reconsider being a bridesmaid. I took my then 11 week old to a wedding. I had to leave the service to breastfeed, spent most of the reception consoling dd who was upset after being almost continually passed around distant relatives until I refused to let anyone else hold her. I went back to our hotel at 8pm with baby as I was shattered. No way could I have coped with being a bridesmaid too (I absolutely hate being a bridesmaid!)

Original poster
Sparklyuggs · 03/01/2017 14:54

Thanks everyone, I normally would call but she's serving overseas and doesn't have much phone access. She's generally quite chilled and unbridezilla like so I'm going to reply and say 'I'm intending to breastfeed so baby sparkly will be coming with us, as they are too young to leave'.

We've never discussed breastfeeding etc so it genuinely may have not occurred to her that I would be, and it might have been a type before you think thing.

I was copied in on the email from the venue and they say all babies and infants, no matter what age, count due to fire regulations. I used to work in events and I hadn't heard this either but it's hard to argue with the venue if it's clearly stated in their t&cs.

Thanks for the replies and good to see I'm not being unreasonable! I've been TTC for a long time but I know that my baby isn't the centre of everyone's world Wink

OP posts:
moggle · 03/01/2017 14:55

I think it's crossed wires. I'm guessing she didn't register when you said you hoped to BF. Just reply and explain it again.
"sorry - think I've confused you - I am planning to bring the baby to the wedding as all going well it will be breastfed. Obviously it doesn't need a meal at least so hopefully doesn't cause any problem with numbers!! The day before the wedding I should be able to leave them with mum and dad for the odd hour or so in between feeds to help out with some BM stuff, but baby will have to be with me/us on the day (unless you want to invite mum and dad, LOL!)" Actually perhaps don't put that last joke it might push her over the edge! Do you have an OH coming with you?

MatildaTheCat · 03/01/2017 14:55

I would withdraw from being a bm as you just won't be able to provide the bride with the attention she will want from you.

Tell her you are bf and she's misunderstood your message. Is new baby welcome or invited or not? If you are flying you will want to book as soon as you can.

I had to miss a wedding when I had a small baby. The bride was a good friend but there literally wasn't space for a pram etc. We both accepted this with good grace. The bf bit is a red herring. Small babies are difficult to leave however they are fed.

GailLondon · 03/01/2017 14:56

Sounds like she's taken the bit where you said 'I also said my parents might stay nearby to help out' to mean that you were definitely planning to leave the baby with your parents for the day.

You'll just have to reply quickly and set her straight!