To refuse to help a fallen elderly person

[littlebillie]

I had to help my FIL up tonight he had fallen and my MIL needed assistance getting him back in his feet. My back now hurts and AIBU to refuse to help again as they normally call an ambulance.

Yabu.

Would you not just help anyone up who'd fallen?

I would think it depends on the severity of the back issue.

If this is likely to have jiggered your back irrevocably for the next few days then no, understandable although would demand a certain degree of tact in raising it for next time.

If it is just a spot of bother for an hour or two then I would err very much on the side of your being unreasonable, TBH.

I'm not being mean but NHS advice is to call an ambulance. Do I stand firm and refuse and call the ambulance as recommend

The paramedics who attended the two falls my MIL had said that if an elderly person falls you should call for help because a)they tend to be a dead weight so can't help you to help themselves and b)you don't know what damage they may have done and you may make it worse

YNBU. Its not always safe for you or them to move them.. There is a special skill to lifting people. . My dad fell s few months ago. I couldn't physically life him, and nor am i qualified to, so. I just called an ambulance.
Like if I saw someone in the street. Id put my coat over them, and call an ambulance.

You can't keep doing it if your backs fucked can you? Where's your DH in all this?

It's not refusing, it's doing the right thing, first aid wise. You simply state " no X, stay down and still, help is on the way, but you need to stay laying down until they arrive. "

Repeat as often as required

Can you not go around and knock at a neighbour's to see if someone can help rather than just leaving him there?

Why would it matter where her dh is? Both times my MIL fell my dh was miles away at work

All the ambulance men do with my Dad is lift him back up and leave. It's a bit of a waste of resources if you could find alternative help (e.g. a neighbour).

Also you maybe waiting some time for an ambulance. Hours and hours where I live.

Do you actually have a bad back?

It was just how it happened, I was just there. He falls often and its sad but saying not isn't easy as when it happens your immediate instinct is to help. Calling the ambulance is the right thing but refusing seems very cruel.

Has your fil been refered to anyone over his falling?

Well then it mattered where your DH was didn't it nokids ? He's a man, so presumably bigger, with a non fucked back, that's why I asked.

YANBU. I wouldn't do it if there were a risk of back injury

What can you do to stop him falling?

Surely this is the wrong question? The right one being how can he be prevented from falling? Zimmer frame, referred for physio/ balance clinic, better slippers- why is he falling so much?

What are you talking about? The only people who matter are the people there at the time of the fall. Where anyone else might be is totally immaterial because if they were there they would have helped wouldn't they!

He has been referred but apart from a grab rail there is nothing they can do. I had prevented him falling down stairs earlier in the week. He falls all the time and hates the ambulance coming to help him up but I think I would be reluctant to help anyone up again without a medic being there again.

Can he not get a walking frame littlebillie? We got one on loan from mediquip - if you call adult social care and ask for an occupational assessment they will organise things to make his life easier and safer

You need to refer him to a physio. Falls prevention is a big thing at the moment, there will be something out there for him. It's much cheaper for the NHS to try and prevent a fall than mend a broken hip. It sounds like you have only been refered to an OT.

He has a frame which he doesn't use I think we will all fight it at some point.