To refuse to help a fallen elderly person

[littlebillie]

I had to help my FIL up tonight he had fallen and my MIL needed assistance getting him back in his feet. My back now hurts and AIBU to refuse to help again as they normally call an ambulance.

Could you prop his head up with pillows and cover him with light blanket and hold his hand until the ambulance comes?

I mean, he will start to understand that you aren't physically able to continually pick him up and if he's in the system/hospital it will help build a picture of his symptoms and help twords a diagnosis?

I must hasten to add I wasn't going to kick him when he is down as another poster suggested. But we all make split second decisions and I chose to lift him and my back is wrecked. I wouldn't do it again.

There are ways to get people up off the floor without actually lifting them. This leaflet is close to how I was taught to do it. Instead of crawling to a chair you place a (dining) chair in front of them to help themselves up, and a second chair behind them so that as soon as they have their feet under them they can sit down on it to gather themselves.

Very effective, and most people can do it. It's also quite helpful to their dignity knowing that they weren't lifted, and knowing they can do it even when they're alone can help their confidence.

If he's falling regularly, I would suggest asking the GP for a referal to physiotherapy. Physios run Falls Clinics - it really is so common for elderly people to fall that they run classes for it. There are exercises that can improve balance, and other advice that they can give. Worth looking onto.

Whereyouleftit thanks I'll pass that on

If it's wrecking your back your doing it wrong. Falls prevention classes can also teach him how to get up off the floor himself, as well as improve his balance. You really need to be looking at why he's falling and get a full assessment by a falls coordinator done. Is drinking enough, supportive footwear, have rugs that could be removed, pets getting under his feet, high alcohol intake, condition of feet, had his eyesight checked, need a medication review, blood pressure checked in sitting and standing, has suitable mobility aids (why isn't he using his frame) etc. Is his house suitable for his needs? Is he safe on the stairs? Yanbu to refuse to help him up but Yabu to not try and get him any other kind of help.

Zzzz really is it my job or the family to lift him is it best advice to ignore medical advice?

littlebillie, it can be a safety risk to move someone who has fallen in case of spinal injury. IMHO you did the right thing.

You have probably looked into it already, but our local authority have a falls team. DGD wears a braclet he presses if he falls and a team come up to right him and check on him. It costs something like £2.50 a week as he is not on any benefits but totally worth it.

Seriously I don't think many people would stop in the street to lift an elderly person. I think coats would be offered and reassurance offered until an ambulance arrived. I heard of a very serious injury due to someone lifting an elderly person, don't we all have to think before we rush in and act. I feel negligent to him and my family lifting him that way.

When I worked in a nursing home I was told NEVER to attempt to lift or move a resident on my own. But then, when it is a member of your own family, it isn't so clearcut. However, this time you tried to help, you found it difficult and hurt your own back doing so, I don't think it is unreasonable to say "Next time, lets wait until someone else can come and help me get yoiu up..."

You're not refusing to help, you're refusing to lift them up - big difference. You can get a blanket/cushion, hold their hand, talk to them until help comes - that's helping. Doing yourself and maybe them an injury isn't helping anyone in the long run.

When my mum's had a tumble (she's a nightmare for not using her stick and goes too fast round the corners) we learned very quickly that trying to get her up is incredibly difficult. Once she's ready she can use a chair to get herself up , and it's fine to steady her along, but lifting is all but impossible. Linky to the way we do it: www.nht.nhs.uk/mediaFiles/downloads/21080878/Falling_person_guidance.pdf (pages 7-10)

call the ambulance. always.
my father had what looked like a normal fall but had actually broken his neck. Lucky he wasn't moved

YANBU. My hospital policy is not to lift anyone. We have specialist lifting equipment (asdo ambulances) to lift people. YABU to refuse to go around though and be with MIL until they arrive

That's a hard one. One of my elderly relatives very sadly died from a fall - completely preventable, but she came down near a wall and knocked her head on it as she tumbled, then a day or two later she'd passed away (despite being picked up and sorted out at the time). If he's falling often it's only a matter of time before he gets unlucky. He needs to be made to use his frame or take some other measures if this is a regular event, even though it's nearly impossible to persuade people in that position :(

If we called an ambulance to my father every time he fell, we'd have one parked outside the house permanently on standby

I would help him up unless my back was completely in spasm.

A few years ago I couldn't sleep and had got up early, I was a bit surprised to hear a knock at the door, it was the little old lady from 2 doors down who had seen my lights on and came to ask if I could help get her husband up who had fallen awkwardly between the bed and wall.

I did it without hesitation, despite ongoing back problems.

The thread title is misleading.

It isn't a case that you're 'refusing to help' which would be unreasonable, but you aren't able to lift your father in law without injuring yourself which is entirely reasonable.

It is entirely fair to explain that whilst you're happy to help in other ways, that you've hurt your back in the process and don't feel able to lift him again.

As others have said, your FIL needs to be assessed to.find out why he's falling.

In our area there are falls prevention classes where they will also teach techniques to get yourself up after a fall. If your FIL has ok knees then the best thing is for him.to roll onto his side, then onto his knees, then pull himself up onto a chair.
But first he really needs to find out why he's falling.

YANBU. MIL started falling when she was living at home and DH wouldn't lift her as a) he had no way of knowing if she was injured and b) he has back problems so he called an ambulance each time. She didn't like it but he was in danger of hurting himself (even though she's tiny) or her.

If he's falling so often he needs an OT assessment.

If he cannot support himself in anyway (take his own weight) to get back up - then he needs a sling and hoist assessment.

Lifting once/twice isn't necessarily the issue. (Though you can put your back out doing anything!). It's the constant lifting and wear, tear and pressure on the spine.

I would ring an ambulance, you cannot sacrifice your long term health for someone else.

When I worked in the NHS a patient needed to shuffle back on the couch but instead of getting off, reposisitioning & getting back on again started yelling at me to stand at the foot end and push her back by the feet. I refused and she was furious with me but she weighed twice what I did.

Ambulances have an inflatable aid for helping people to their feet. Carers are taught never to try to assist anyone to get up from a fall, without assistance, as yes it will knacker your back! What use will you otherwise be to them if your back is damaged?
You can research safe ways to assist someone who has fallen without putting yourself at risk. If your FIL can get onto his knees and use a chair to help himself stand you would save your back. He may need referring to the local Falls Team or Community Occupational Therapist, to ensure any equipment or grab rails are in place to reduce risk of falls.

We used to use the 2 chair method above and it is useful as it provides the person with a lever.
It is worth a try and will not be so sore on your back.