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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Is DH or DD the unreasonable one?

86 replies

photographingdad · 21/12/2016 17:42

My husband has always been a keen photographer and this hasn't always been appreciated especially as sometimes he doesn't warn his subjects before popping out with camera or phone.

This morning, DD (14) lost her temper with him as she was eating her breakfast and he came in and took a photo. She had milk dribbling out of her mouth in surprise.

He's huffy and saying she's a drama queen. I think she has a fair point. What do you think?

OP posts:

kateclarke · 21/12/2016 17:44

I agree with your dd. I would hate that.

Randytortoise · 21/12/2016 17:45

Wow he is being an arse. He really should be respecting people's privacy and should ask before getting snap happy. Not everyone likes having their photo taken. Just because she is young and his daughter, doesn't mean he shouldn't ask permission before taking her photo.

GloGirl · 21/12/2016 17:47

I would say that it's difficult to know how nice a sneaky picture will look until it's taken so I wouldn't mind he took it but I would expect him to immediately delete any dribby or unflattering type pictures.

TwitterQueen1 · 21/12/2016 17:48

Your DH is being intrusive and unreasonable. I would hate this. How on earth can your DD feel at home in her own home with him doing this? I would take to hiding in my bedroom. Is it only at the breakfast table? What's next? snaps of you on the loo, or in the shower?
Yuk. Just Yuk.

MummyStep123 · 21/12/2016 17:50

I think neither are BU, yes she's maybe over reacting but that's what 14 year olds do, and no 14 year old girl would want a dribbly milk faced picture taken as it's hardly "cool". Obviosuly (I hope) he won't be posting it to social media and tagging her friends! Just one of those things parents do isn't it?

Topseyt · 21/12/2016 17:51

I would not like that. He is being very intrusive there.

Trifleorbust · 21/12/2016 17:51

I hate people taking unannounced pictures, it's bloody rude. And when you're 14 and eating

GinIsIn · 21/12/2016 17:51

He's BVU! It's not ok to just shove a camera in anyone's face, especially first thing in the morning!

ICanTuckMyBoobsInMyPockets · 21/12/2016 17:52

If someone took a picture of me eating, they'd get a wallop.

He's lucky she didn't throw her bowl of cereal over him and his stupid camera.

And she's allowed to be a drama queen, shes 14.

GeillisTheWitch · 21/12/2016 17:52

I think she has a fair point too. I hate cameras shoved in my face, I have a relative who can't let any occasion pass by without taking eleventy billion photos on their phone. It's bad enough at parties and stuff, I'd go ballistic if they did it to me over breakfast.

Hellmouth · 21/12/2016 17:53

I don't know, is this picture just for the family album or does he plan on putting it on facebook or something? I don't think your DH is being unreasonable if it's just a photo for him and the family, DD is but she is a teenager so that's expected.

Footinmouthasusual · 21/12/2016 17:54

This is seriously wierd op. Not that he takes the photos primarily although I am with your dd on this as would hate it but the fact he's huffy afterwards and calling her the drama queen.

He's an idiot as your dd is at a very sensitive age looks wise

He will damage his trust with her and I find his behaviour also controlling as he is continuing behaviour your dd hates.

iklboodolphRedNoseReindeer · 21/12/2016 17:54

Is he a paparazzi wannabe? . The odd candid shot is fine in its place but constant random snapping would probably drive me batty.

AyeAmarok · 21/12/2016 17:55

I wouldn't like that.

It can feel like an invasion of privacy when someone takes a photo of you that you weren't prepared for.

Usually, these sorts of photographers are the people who, when you ask them to delete it because it's the most unflattering picture imaginable, say no and then put it on social media and tag you in it.

Dazydazy · 21/12/2016 18:00

I would be with DD. I know that these are often the best types of pics from a photographer's point of view but I think consent is important, and anyway you can have too much of it.

SnorkelParka · 21/12/2016 18:01

DH unreasonable. In the age of social media I have always taught the dc that photos and videos should not be taken without permission and should be deleted immediately on request. He is behaving as though they are much younger, and not respecting them.

Ameliablue · 21/12/2016 18:05

Dh is unreasonable

anotheronebitthedust · 21/12/2016 18:10

Creepy and random of your DH. He wouldn't take a close up photo of a stranger, particularly a random 14 year old girl, without their permission (and if he did he could be expected to be shouter at/thumped for it although I know it's not actually illegal) so why should his own daughter deserve less respect?

HardcoreLadyType · 21/12/2016 18:11

Invasion of privacy. Your DH should ask.

MrsTerryPratchett · 21/12/2016 18:12

He's a knobber. With no empathy.

Thisjustinno · 21/12/2016 18:12

If he's just taking photos that may or may not be great but isn't showing other people then I don't think it's awful.

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 21/12/2016 18:14

Silly man, he needs to have a word with himself.
Your daughter has a right to privacy in her own home, whilst she is eating.

PossumInAPearTree · 21/12/2016 18:16

Your dh is being very unreasonable and as an adult he should be setting a good example of listening to people and getting consent and stopping when someone doesn't want something done. He should delete it and stop doing it if she's made it clear she doesn't like surprise photos.

whattodowiththepoo · 21/12/2016 18:17

He wasn't being unreasonable but would be if he refused to delete it if she wanted it gone.
How did dd lose her temper?

harderandharder2breathe · 21/12/2016 18:17

He's being a dick

She's 14, the time when most people are super self conscious, she doesn't need him taking random pointless photos when she's not expecting it. He's lucky she didn't throw her cereal on his camera tbh

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