Is DH or DD the unreasonable one?

[photographingdad]

My husband has always been a keen photographer and this hasn't always been appreciated especially as sometimes he doesn't warn his subjects before popping out with camera or phone.

This morning, DD (14) lost her temper with him as she was eating her breakfast and he came in and took a photo. She had milk dribbling out of her mouth in surprise.

He's huffy and saying she's a drama queen. I think she has a fair point. What do you think?

Intake surprise photos of dd, then I show them to her and delete them if she doesn't like them.

There's unposed photos at an event where the subject is aware of the camera eg opening Christmas presents

There is no need for a photo of a teenage girl eating breakfast!

Candid photos are great. What my friends obsessed DH does is ask everyone at the beginning of a meal or party, "I'll be snapping away, does anyone mind?" He gets a few yeses. A few nos. And a few, "just don't put it on FB". And he behaves accordingly.

He doesn't just shove a camera in my face or he would get told. And calling her names for objecting, I'm with Vestal. Does he ignore everyone's boundaries like this?

"My husband has always been a keen photographer and this hasn't always been appreciated especially as sometimes he doesn't warn his subjects before popping out with camera or phone."
So, as far as he is concerned his desire to photograph someone overrides their desire to not be photographed? Yuk.

And everything VestalVirgin said. Your daughter should be encouraged to have boundaries, and your husband needs to learn to respect them. Otherwise he'd be finding me dancing a flamenco on his photographic equipment whilst holding a magnet to his digital archive.

Rude, Intrusive, and grossly insensitive of DH.
I would be raging now as I despise 'surprise' photos, but at 14, it would be 100 times worse. I had zero confidence, shy, and awkward. The very few 'posed' photos that my relatives/friends could coax me into do was almost physically painful for me.

What message is he trying to give to his daughter - that she's being 'unreasonable and a drama queen' if she doesn't allow/like a male to take pictures of her without her consent ?

Tough shit if he doesn't like/agree with her boundaries. He still has to respect them.

She's 14, old enough for boyfriends/dating/going out 'unchaperoned' etc, Why isn't he thinking about her safety and wellbeing in navigating these new areas of her life?

Imagine if one day she finds herself in a situation where a bf, or a 'professional photographer' - or anyone else actually - pressures/emotionally blackmails her to take pictures she's uncomfortable about......
..........does he want her to feel confident and able to say 'NO' and walk away? Does he want her to feel empowered as a female/woman?

He's acting like a dick....if he does something like that again i'd take his precious camera and smash it to smithereens.
See how he likes having his feelings and rights deliberately trampled on

He's massively out of order and a complete pita to be doing this. His camera would be accidentally smashed to bits with a large hammer were he doing this in my house.

A relative like your DH used to take stealth pics of me when younger. I still hate having my picture taken .

Your DH is an arse.

My Dad used to this, I got Bell's palsy when I was 12 and hated having photos taken because of my droopy face. I'd be anxious when I saw people get a camera out, but everyone respected it and could probably see and understand why I didn't want to be in photos.

My Dad didn't though, everytime he wanted his stupid fucking "family" photo and I'd insisted I'm not posing he called me a drama queen, silly, making a fuss etc. As I got older I stood my ground but he'd just take surprise photos when I was just doing whatever. It was just one of many ways he'd show that his wants are priority and he'd act like getting a photo of me was some kind of victory and gloat and gloat. If Facebook were around he'd have uploaded against my wishes too.

I know these kind of photos can be good for private family albums, i really do, But if the subject didn't want that picture taken and it's upset them, flicking through the family album will be a reminder of the time their Dad was a twat. After my Dads death stepmum got the albums out and she'd talk about how great that day was and I'd look at my 12 year old self in the picture holding back tears, getting frustrated at being told to smile properly (couldn't smile due to Bell's palsy).

Dd sometimes is happy for her photo to be taken, sometimes she's not, sometimes one will be taken at an event and while she's okay with the occasional surprise ohoto, she often asks for them to be deleted as she doesn't like it, she's respected and it's deleted. I wouldn't want to look back at a photo that I know would upset dd if she knew I'd kept it or taken it when she'd said no.

We teach dd that when she says no, it should be listened to, and that if something doesn't feel right it's ok for her to say so and someone saying they are rude or making a fuss or getting angry with her when it comes to choices about her own body are demonstrating their wants are the most important.

It's given her the confidence to stand her ground when the occasional uncle says she's being mean for not wanting a selfie and asking why his desire for a photo is more important than her choices etc.

My dad does this. I don't go to family events anymore. He WILL not respect my boundaries and I'd love to be nc with him (but he just had a stroke so stuck pretending). It's rude & invasive

Oh Just, I can imagine all too well your littler selfs distress.

I'd rather like to go back in time and biff that stupid man round the head every time he made you feel so on the spot and exposed.

I wonder what your 12yr old self would think of a random woman suddenly swooshing past at high speed to bash her crass father onto the floor each time his finger moved towards the shutter button... hopefully would have been a satisfying moment of comeuppance!

Have a lovely Christmas all x