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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Is DH or DD the unreasonable one?

86 replies

photographingdad · 21/12/2016 17:42

My husband has always been a keen photographer and this hasn't always been appreciated especially as sometimes he doesn't warn his subjects before popping out with camera or phone.

This morning, DD (14) lost her temper with him as she was eating her breakfast and he came in and took a photo. She had milk dribbling out of her mouth in surprise.

He's huffy and saying she's a drama queen. I think she has a fair point. What do you think?

OP posts:

Witchend · 21/12/2016 19:08

Well posed pictures are okay, but I prefer to catch people unawares as generally I think they're nicer.
And my 16yo can look at the nicest photo of herself and say "aaahh, I look terrible. Delete it."

But I can see her point if she did have milk going visibly down her chin.

MiscellaneousAssortment · 21/12/2016 19:14

"A father calling his daughter a "drama queen" for having boundaries rings some alarm bells to me. "

^ as Vestal wrote^

His wannabe ace photographer wants are obviously FAR more important than his daughters sense of ownership over her own body and image. God I hate that kind of arrogant twat. Ugh.

DixieWishbone · 21/12/2016 19:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Haffdonga · 21/12/2016 19:17

DH did this to ds yesterday. DS was really annoyed and dh actually apologised and deleted the photo. That's what your dh needs to do too.

pity because it was a lovely photo

Serin · 21/12/2016 19:23

Has he apologised yet?

He needs to.

Beebeeeight · 21/12/2016 19:27

It's not just this one incident. This would be ringing alarm bells for me that your dp doesn't understand appropriate behaviour.

CancellyMcChequeface · 21/12/2016 19:28

DH was being extremely unreasonable. It's not being a 'drama queen' to expect not to be photographed without warning in your own home. I agree that he needs to apologise, and to ask permission in future.

JenLindleyShitMom · 21/12/2016 19:29

Sounds like time for an official "ask permission" policy.

His desire for an unposed photo, however nice he thinks it will be, does not trump her right to respect and privacy.

LittleL232 · 21/12/2016 19:30

My FIL does this all the time. It makes me rage.

kaitlinktm · 21/12/2016 19:32

She should wait until he is asleep on the sofa with his mouth open and take a lovely snap and put it on Facebook - see if he likes it.

Arse

glitterandtinsel · 21/12/2016 19:34

Dh is being very unreasonable. He'd drive me nuts with the constant photo taking. He needs to respect other people's privacy.

CockacidalManiac · 21/12/2016 19:35

I'm on your daughter's side. Your husband was being weird.

TheDowagerCuntess · 21/12/2016 19:38

God, how annoying.

Teens find even the most reasonable parents annoying. This is off the scale.

Way to ensure she doesn't ever want to hang around him. I wouldn't.

Kirriemuir · 21/12/2016 19:48

He is unreasonable.

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 21/12/2016 19:50

Odd. Just odd. Does he show other tendencies to not respect normal boundaries OP?

diddl · 21/12/2016 19:51

"and this hasn't always been appreciated especially as sometimes he doesn't warn his subjects"

That says it all really, doesn't it?

And does he get huffy with them & call them drama queens?

Unexpected photos are often great but more say at an event, surely where people might be animated, happy.

But eating breakfast??

Taking photos unawares-is it to try to humiliate people?

DonaldStott · 21/12/2016 19:53

I would be fuming if someone done this to me. So disrespectful and bloody sneaky.

DrWhy · 21/12/2016 19:56

I'm completely on your DDs side. I could never understand why my DH hated having his photo taken so much and would always try to get out of them until I went on holiday with his family. My FIL is permanently attached to his camera, I find it massively invasive and can completely see why DH hates it. So DH and I now have an agreement that I won't take photos with him in without asking and he'll agree to a handful with good grace and a smile.
Your DH may well put your DD off being photographed for life.

CauliflowerSqueeze · 21/12/2016 19:59

I would hate that. Such a stupid way to break trust and piss people off.

BlackeyedSusan · 21/12/2016 20:25

there is a time and space for the unguarded photo.. (outings, etc.) not at breakfast in your own home.

and it is best to delete crappy ones that my be embarrassing.

Bluetrews25 · 21/12/2016 20:35

If he continues to take unflattering photos of her while eating, even if no-one else sees them, she will not want to eat at all. That would not be great, would it? Teens are very sensitive about appearances, as you know. He doesn't want her to get an eating disorder, does he?

lljkk · 21/12/2016 20:38

my mom did this, I hated it

Inertia · 21/12/2016 21:04

VestalVirgin makes a very good point.

Your husband is teaching your teenage daughter that men apparently have the right to ridicule girls and women, and call them names, if they object to men doing something to them without their permission. Is that really the kind of lesson about boundaries that he wants her to learn- let the big man do as he pleases and shut up about it?

dangermouseisace · 21/12/2016 21:09

Proper photographers get consent before taking pictures these days…YANBU

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 21/12/2016 21:11

I would go apeshit at someone taking my photo and I'm not a teen! It's a shitty thing for him to do

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