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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is DH or DD the unreasonable one?

86 replies

photographingdad · 21/12/2016 17:42

My husband has always been a keen photographer and this hasn't always been appreciated especially as sometimes he doesn't warn his subjects before popping out with camera or phone.

This morning, DD (14) lost her temper with him as she was eating her breakfast and he came in and took a photo. She had milk dribbling out of her mouth in surprise.

He's huffy and saying she's a drama queen. I think she has a fair point. What do you think?

OP posts:
Miserylovescompany2 · 21/12/2016 18:17

Flip it...how would he like a camera/phone shoved in his face? Your daughter has every right to be annoyed!

Original poster
photographingdad · 21/12/2016 18:18

Thanks for your thoughts I agree

OP posts:
GreekGod · 21/12/2016 18:20

Agree with your DD. What a horrible thing to do.

booklooker · 21/12/2016 18:24

Assuming he isn't going to make it too public, but don't all families have a bank of embarrassing pics and vids to bring out at good times (graduation, wedding ceremony, etc)

MikeUniformMike · 21/12/2016 18:27

DD right. DH wrong.

MsJudgemental · 21/12/2016 18:28

My DH does this and we hate it, especially 16-year-old DS. He is not a great photographer at the best of times.

Mindtrope · 21/12/2016 18:34

Did you need to ask OP?

Inertia · 21/12/2016 18:36

DH is being very annoying. Your daughter is entitled to eat without having a camera shoved in her face.

EllaHen · 21/12/2016 18:37

Of course your dh is being unreasonable. Very much so. He is invading her space and her privacy.

He needs to grow the fuck up.

Dozer · 21/12/2016 18:39

He is, of course.

Janey50 · 21/12/2016 18:42

Totally agree with your DD here. I hate hate hate it when people (and it usually seems to be men,for some reason) suddenly thrust a camera in your face,with no warning,or so much as 'Do you mind?' Even worse is video-ing.

Sybys · 21/12/2016 18:44

I hate it when people take my photo without permission. I had a friend who constantly took candid photos despite requests not to - I don't meet up with her anymore.

youarenotkiddingme · 21/12/2016 18:45

He's wrong.

Getting out the camera and taking shots with someone's knowledge is fair enough.

Walking into a room where someone is eating breakfast and taking a photo - not ok.

I spent a long time telling my Ds off for just appearing in a room and taking a snap. He was 8/9 at the time and took a few camera confiscations before he cottoned on. and I thought he was being unreasonable and slow to cotton on!

KnittedBlanketHoles · 21/12/2016 18:47

DH being unreasonable.

Have you since spoken to him about it, and does he now understand our did her think his right to take candid shots trumps her right to privacy?

MiladyThesaurus · 21/12/2016 18:47

Does your DH aspire to joining the paparazzi?

CigarsofthePharoahs · 21/12/2016 18:47

I'm siding with your daughter.
At the very least he should be deleting shots of people if they insist.

TENSHI · 21/12/2016 18:52

It always amazes me how insensitive photographers like your dh are, it's almost as if they always expect their subject matter to be inanimate!

I went on an expedition once and there was a 50yr + geography teacher in our group who woud literally elbow others out the way in order to get the best shot.

There were lots of grumbling about him. We went on a trip to old town Quito (Equador) when the word came back that Ian had been injured.

Apparently he had stuck his lens in the face of a local without asking his permission and the local promptly punched the lens into Ian's face giving him a black eye and swollen face for the rest of the expedition.

Serves him right!

VestalVirgin · 21/12/2016 18:52

He should learn some respect.

Not asking before taking photos of people might be okay if it's in an environment where most people want photos of themselves, but the breakfast table at home is not this kind of place, and in any case, he ought to not make photos of people who don't want it.

And immediately destroy any unwanted photos.

A father calling his daughter a "drama queen" for having boundaries rings some alarm bells to me.
You should have some serious talk to him - does he want her to tolerate such treatment from boyfriends? Perhaps photos taken of her when she's naked? Does he really want to make her feel bad about having boundaries?
(If he answers this question with yes, I'd divorce him.)

luckylavender · 21/12/2016 18:54

That's so out of order. And you hint that he has been told before.

JustHappy3 · 21/12/2016 18:54

He's showing her no respect. Now she's a teenager he's supposed to be the role model of how she should expect to be treated by the men in her life.
He's treating her like she's 3 and poo poohing her feelings.
you need to make him see he's bang out of order and she deserves an apology.

ChuckSnowballs · 21/12/2016 18:56

I would never take a photo of someone without their permission. If they wanted it deleting I'd happily delete it.

He is completely unreasonable. And dickhead to boot.

RichardBucket · 21/12/2016 19:00

Your husband is the unreasonable one, definitely.

EllaHen · 21/12/2016 19:01

Good point VestalVirgin.

TheNaze73 · 21/12/2016 19:04

This is just weird

BackforGood · 21/12/2016 19:07

Depends what he does with the photos.
I suspect the vast majority of photos taken when the 'subject' isn't expecting it are 100x better than the cheesy grin posed ones - so it makes sense from a photographer's pov to snap away unexpectedly.
However, your dd is 14 and quite possibly self conscious about her appearance at the moment, and if she wants him to delete it, then he should - as he should with all photos of people he takes without checking with them first.