Mother in Law

[Toofewshoes]

I find my MIL tricky at the best of times but she is already totally winding me up before she has arrived for her four day Christmas stay.

We host Christmas every year, we have done for over ten years and we alternate my family or DHs family. We live in the countryside and have the biggest house and can accommodate everyone which I am more than happy to do.

This year it is DHs family's turn and I have nicely asked for things for MIL and SIL to bring to contribute. I don't mind doing the cooking and really happily host. But my MIL is really winding me up already.
We have three children as does SIL and my three are younger the oldest 12, hers late teens early twenties. They all get on well. It is lovely for them all as we don't see them often. But MIL said yesterday in her most patronising voice that I should remember that the boys are big now and eat lots.

Now I didn't know how to respond so just said, yes I knew that. But she doesn't stop there, she tells me I need to maybe order another bag of potatoes and make sure I do extra for the boys. Now she is making my blood boil a bit, I replied that I had cooked for them all before and I don't think think anyone went hungry.

I have got lots to do, I work and have also hosted for my family last weekend. I will make up bedrooms for them all, provide towels and make sure they have everything they could need. I just don't know what to say to these comments.

Can anyone suggest a sort of stock answer, I can't help but be sarcastic when my feathers get rustled.

(Also hoping my MIL doesn't go into the children's rooms at 5am this year to wake them up and open their stockings with them, taking away the joy we have of all being in our bed and watching their faces. 😧)

[ElfontheShelfIsWATCHINGYOUTOO]

No advice - just commiseration, in itself its not such a bad comment - I need advice myself and it will only be a few hours for me, already thinking how I can ignore mine and get through it.

[SenoritaViva]

'Off you go, you're a guest, no need to worry about the finer details'
'Oh I've told you before,you shouldn't be worrying about that'
'Don't be a naughty mil this year and wake the children early (or I will fucking kill you'
'Shoo, out of my kitchen, go and relax'
All said with massive Christmas cheer, smarmy smile and gritted teeth.

[NewIdeasToday]

Sorry but it sounds like you're over reacting. It's going to be a long four days if you find fault with every little comment.

Maybe the teenagers were hungry and your SIL didn't like to say?

[Wombatron]

When both MIL and my mother do this shit I tend to go "yessssss yeeeeeesssss" really loudly and drag it out. It gets the point across really dramaticall and probably a bit OTT, but they get that they are lecturing me in things they don't need too. They get worse as they get older right . Least yours is four days. Whoever I have, mine or his, it's at least a bloody week.

[shovetheholly]

I have the same thing. It just doesn't stop either!

I think it's your DH who needs to step in! Mine says things like "Your concerns are noted. Shove has done this many times, and I have no doubt there will be enough food". And if it keeps up: 'Yes, we heard you the first time. Subject closed, Mum".

[TondelayaDellaVentamiglia]

ime teenage boys will ALWAYS eat seconds....which is an entire plateful, not just an extra couple of roasties and a slice of turkey, it is quite astonishing how much they can eat and still eat pudding.

Also it does sound a bit like you are thinking of your nephews as children still in spit of their ages

That aside, your MIL does sound a bit pernickety so maybe she is just pushing your buttons...I know I'd be very if accused of shortchanging anyone of second helpings.

My ILs were very sweet but irritatingly set in their ways, so things like drinking a glass or three of buck's fizz after breakfast on Christmas was construed as the Highway to AA...I used to station myself in the kitchen and just get on with my day. Emerging only to torture them by bursting into the sitting room, as if to make the announcement that "lunch is served" only to say "probably another half hour....at least!! Anyone for another drink??" two or three times :o

[dollydaydream114]

I know it's annoying when people nitpick, but a suggestion to buy more potatoes doesn't sound like that big a deal. Just say 'Oh, don't worry, we've got plenty - nobody's going to go hungry' and if she asks again just say that she doesn't need to worry about a thing because it's all sorted.

Or is the potatoes thing just a symptom of a wider issue that has particularly annoyed you because it's the last straw? Is it more just that there's a constant stream of interference from her?

I can certainly see why the stocking thing would be annoying - maybe just get your DH to have a word with her and say that you want to see them open their stockings too and that you'd rather the kids woke up in their own time. It certainly wouldn't be an unreasonable thing to ask.

[Whatthefreakinwhatnow]

Maybe the teenagers were hungry and your SIL didn't like to say?

This, teenage boys do eat a phenomenal amount in my experience!

Just grit your teeth and try not to take her comments to heart.

[Laiste]

It's for your DH to deal with. (as with 99.9% of MIL issues)

Ask him to think up a nice way of telling her to wind her neck in and, whil hes at it, don't wake the kids up on xmas morning.

Tell him he says it or you'll have to say it and you probably won't be as kind as you know he can be ...

[NicknameUsed]

I always underestimate how much teenage boys and young men eat so I wouldn't have found that comment unhelpful. TBH I think you are over thinking this unless there is a back story.

[EssentialHummus]

It could be that MIL underfed them at some point recently and she's rehashing this "for your benefit".

Sympathies OP. Senorita's wording sounds good.

[happychristmasbum]

I get that MIL is annoying, but as the owner of DS16 I have to say the amount of food he consumes is staggering. He is stick thin but eats about twice as much as anyone really should. So do all his mates.

Sorry but it is possible that SIL has said something and MIL has taken it upon herself to relay the info.

[dailyshite]

'DH, your mum's on the phone for you! She's got some ideas about Christmas'
'DH, will you just chat with your mum about the plan for the morning?'

However, definitely do extra potatoes, and sprouts and everything because you'll need it for bubble and squeak on boxing day (which is actually the best thing about christmas)

[BurningBridges]

I would have said "oh I thought you knew, we're not having potatoes this year" and then just waited ...

[PigletWasPoohsFriend]

Maybe the teenagers were hungry and your SIL didn't like to say?

I agree that this could well be the case.

[EssentialHummus]

I would have said "oh I thought you knew, we're not having potatoes this year" and then just waited...

"Oh MIL, didn't DH tell you? Xmas this year will be a five-course tasting menu of molecular gastronomic nibbles. I've been inspired by Masterchef. Who needs a big meal when there are so many exciting flavours?"

[lastqueenofscotland]

I agree it sounds like maybe they were hungry either with you or at another family meal and MIL wanted to "subtly" relay the info

[Sprink]

It's for your DH to deal with. (as with 99.9% of MIL issues)

Why drag him into it? He's not the one who is bothered by the mother-in-law's comments.

[SapphireStrange]

So YOU have to shop and cook, YOU have to do extra food for the boys, YOU have to make up bedrooms, provide towels and make sure your guests have everything.

Where is your DH in all this?

[Velvetdarkness]

Being very practical can you check with sil in case they were hungry previously?

[deste]

I don't think that would wind me up but I think she is trying to let you know subtly that they didn't have enough to eat before. You say you don't think anyone went hungry but it's just possible they did or really enjoyed your food and would have liked more.
If anyone says anything like that to me I just say "good advice" and they don't know what to say after that.

[dustarr73]

Why oh why to people host and then man about it.Im assuming you know what she is like at this stage.And teenage boys will eat have. you out of house and home she is only giving you a heads up.
Dont host and do your own thing,then you wont have Mil ruining your Christmas.

[MiddleClassProblem]

Potato thing sounds like you're looking into it too much. Maybe they were still hungry last time and mentioned it to her. It doesn't hurt to do a couple extra.

The stocking thing sounds crap but more like she was over excited. I would softly softly mention how you like that to happen.

I don't think either come from a bad place to I would keep hold of that thought. It's better than a malicious MIL!

[xStefx]

Oh they just fuss, its their job. As your hosting she is probably trying to be helpful without realising its doing your head in. My answer to you, get more wine in, much more enjoyable and youll have more patience lol x

[Toofewshoes]

I think Dolly has hit the nail on the head. It was the last straw comment. I grew up with two brothers and have a son, I am more than aware of how much men eat, they have never gone hungry. She knows this too. I didn't want to list all the things she says as it would have taken up too much of the Mumsnet servers.

For example she is bringing some smoked salmon as a starter. She asked me if I could get lemons so I added them to my supermarket order. Yet in the phone call yesterday she told me that she saw some lemons in the supermarket and she wondered if she should by them in case I had forgotten.

At her instruction I have bought all her presents to my children photographed them for her, emailed details and wrapped them. I try to help her as much as I can.

I won't mention the inspection if the dishwasher filter at every visit or the filter if the tumble dryer. I am used to those now.

I am really looking forward to seeing my nieces and nephews. They are a blast, they will make my Christmas. We will all drink through it together.