Mother in Law

[Toofewshoes]

I find my MIL tricky at the best of times but she is already totally winding me up before she has arrived for her four day Christmas stay.

We host Christmas every year, we have done for over ten years and we alternate my family or DHs family. We live in the countryside and have the biggest house and can accommodate everyone which I am more than happy to do.

This year it is DHs family's turn and I have nicely asked for things for MIL and SIL to bring to contribute. I don't mind doing the cooking and really happily host. But my MIL is really winding me up already.
We have three children as does SIL and my three are younger the oldest 12, hers late teens early twenties. They all get on well. It is lovely for them all as we don't see them often. But MIL said yesterday in her most patronising voice that I should remember that the boys are big now and eat lots.

Now I didn't know how to respond so just said, yes I knew that. But she doesn't stop there, she tells me I need to maybe order another bag of potatoes and make sure I do extra for the boys. Now she is making my blood boil a bit, I replied that I had cooked for them all before and I don't think think anyone went hungry.

I have got lots to do, I work and have also hosted for my family last weekend. I will make up bedrooms for them all, provide towels and make sure they have everything they could need. I just don't know what to say to these comments.

Can anyone suggest a sort of stock answer, I can't help but be sarcastic when my feathers get rustled.

(Also hoping my MIL doesn't go into the children's rooms at 5am this year to wake them up and open their stockings with them, taking away the joy we have of all being in our bed and watching their faces. 😧)

[Jaxhog]

I'd suggest that you tell her that if you run short of food for the boys, you're sure your MiL won't mind sharing hers or buying them a take-away top-up.

For the stocking thing, I'd get her very tipsy on Christmas Eve so she'll oversleep. (Lock her into her room with a bottle of Advocaat maybe?)

Seriously though, it could be worse. Making jokey replies will ease the tension and keep things in perspective.

[Marcipex]

Or just lock her in her room :)

[WonderWombat]

In the very unlikely event that someone could have eaten an extra roast potato last year, what was the big deal?

It's obviously a well-organised Christmas with plenty of food and nobody is going to starve.

Whatever happened to gratitude and good manners?

For what it's worth I got furious when other family members - both my mother and my younger brother - started to try and tell me how to feed my father during occasional solo visits. It's as if I was the little woman a) whose sole function was to look after men and b) had to be told how to do domestic tasks.

It is also so extraordinarily sexist - this stuff about MEEN needing to be fed, and BOYS having big appetites. Yes, there is a higher calorific requirement for males- but isn't it about people? Aren't growing women ever allowed to be hungry. (Or are they just meant to nibble a teenyweeny bit of smoked salmon, and be grateful.)

[PickledCauliflower]

Chistmas dinners are often oversized roast dinners - I doubt even a teenage boy could go hungry! Unless the meals are tiny Michelin star restaurant type meals..
I don't recall any of my teenage boys asking for seconds on Christmas Day. After eating the usual cooked breakfast in the morning, it was difficult to keep them away from chocolates etc before we sat down for our Christmas meal. They never asked for seconds, usually only half the meal was eaten as they wanted room for dessert and everything else!

[WonderWombat]

MEN not MEEN!

[Toofewshoes]

WonderWombat - I agree about the need to make sure the men/boys are fed. There are three strapping, growing, sporty girls at our house on Christmas Day. And I love a roast potato (or 6). It is a continual underlying messsge that the boys are more important. I don't say anything at Christmas but don't reinforce it the rest of the year.

[pithivier]

You need a MiL bingo chart prominently displayed and passed out to every one. Every time she makes a remark/ checks if something is clean,strike it off very pointedly in front of her.

Before anyone jumps on me, the suggestion was a Joke.

[whattheseithakasmean]

I have to laugh at you having a mini (understandable) rant at your MIL patronisingly assuming you aren't capable of catering sufficiently for teenage boys. So a load of Mumsnet posters pile in patronisingly assuming you aren't capable of catering sufficiently for teenage boys Great work, folks

OP, you have my sincere sympathy, she is being irritating and you are understandably irritated. I think a few of the stock responses some of the more helpful posters have suggested are the way to go.

I await the barrage of posters who haven't RTFT coming along to tell you how much teenage boys eat....

[quirkychick]

I would be tempted to buy her a bag of potatoes as her Christmas present .

As for checking the filter, beyond rude!

[Toofewshoes]

Thank you Whatthese. I will do enough potatoes. We had 15 for lunch on Sunday and there were enough potatoes left over for the children to have them the next day. Despite several men at the table.

I feel much better for my mini rant. Thank you.

[thetemptationofchocolate]

I do love the MIL bingo idea. Could become a Christmas classic game :)

[PickledCauliflower]

The thought of these poor strapping teenage boys going hungry on Christmas Day!
I just know how unlikely that will be.

[PickledCauliflower]

If it wasn't such a shocking waste of food - I would be tempted to put twenty potatoes on every male plate.

[Chippednailvarnishing]

You need to bribe the teenage boys to say very loudly "no potatoes for me I'm low carbing", just to wind her up.

[WonderWombat]

No, the boys have to just eat the greens - and a little smoked salmon? - while saying, 'I'm eating pretty clean, these days.'

[Toofewshoes]

Ha! You have really made me laugh. I love it.

[WalkingCarpet]

What about making nothing but a massive mountain of potatoes for Christmas dinner?

[Poole5]

It is also so extraordinarily sexist - this stuff about MEEN needing to be fed, and BOYS having big appetites. Yes, there is a higher calorific requirement for males- but isn't it about people? Aren't growing women ever allowed to be hungry. (Or are they just meant to nibble a teenyweeny bit of smoked salmon, and be grateful.)

I find this extraordinarily sexist too.

Also how people think it is fine to chow down huge amounts of food just because they are thin (a lot of people seem to be unaware that you can be slim but have huge amounts of fat coating your internal organs)

[SuburbanRhonda]

I wouldn't clean the dishwasher filter. Have a bowl of soapy water and a washing up brush at the ready and send her into the garden to clean it

[AHobbyaweek]

Have you thought about hiding the filter so that when she goes to check you can day "oh it kept getting dirty so we don't bother anymore".

[SapphireStrange]

I don't get all these suggestions for game-playing about the wretched filter.

DH needs to say, firmly, 'Let that filter alone and please stop talking about it. You're being immensely rude and, frankly, weird.'

End of.

[lasttimeround]

OK mine has brought own towels and a silk sheet line thing. So we don't have to do laundry. I know she's trying to be helpful but I also know fil sleeps nude snd without the duvet cover used I will need to get duvet dry cleaned.
Every visit this happens I must remember to make up beds fully when they come rather than just leave bedding out. She's also now using mattress protector as sheet. No doubt there'll be comments as to how uncomfortable our bedding is from fil. Argh our bedding is cheap but decent if you'd only blooming use it.

[lasttimeround]

Sorry for derail - just needed to shout it out somewhere. Keep going and do send her out to scrub the filter in the snow

[wictional]

I'd get my sharpie out and write something rude on the tumbledryer fluff-sheet

[QueenArseClangers]

Eeeeew! Your FIL sleeps with no duvet cover lasttime??!
I'd burn the bed