Mother in Law

[Toofewshoes]

I find my MIL tricky at the best of times but she is already totally winding me up before she has arrived for her four day Christmas stay.

We host Christmas every year, we have done for over ten years and we alternate my family or DHs family. We live in the countryside and have the biggest house and can accommodate everyone which I am more than happy to do.

This year it is DHs family's turn and I have nicely asked for things for MIL and SIL to bring to contribute. I don't mind doing the cooking and really happily host. But my MIL is really winding me up already.
We have three children as does SIL and my three are younger the oldest 12, hers late teens early twenties. They all get on well. It is lovely for them all as we don't see them often. But MIL said yesterday in her most patronising voice that I should remember that the boys are big now and eat lots.

Now I didn't know how to respond so just said, yes I knew that. But she doesn't stop there, she tells me I need to maybe order another bag of potatoes and make sure I do extra for the boys. Now she is making my blood boil a bit, I replied that I had cooked for them all before and I don't think think anyone went hungry.

I have got lots to do, I work and have also hosted for my family last weekend. I will make up bedrooms for them all, provide towels and make sure they have everything they could need. I just don't know what to say to these comments.

Can anyone suggest a sort of stock answer, I can't help but be sarcastic when my feathers get rustled.

(Also hoping my MIL doesn't go into the children's rooms at 5am this year to wake them up and open their stockings with them, taking away the joy we have of all being in our bed and watching their faces. 😧)

[TheMaddHugger]

Many Thanks Egis
I shouldnt be cross. It's only a little Zombie post

[Egis]

Omg, this is so relevant not just at Christmas. So far I haven't discovered a better strategy than avoiding too much contact with the mil. And yes, DH has a lot to do with all of the issues; mine being a total jerk and never ever stood by me. He could have avoided lots of arguments but he still calls her 'mummy' and they whisper in my company....

[confuugled1]

Oh and OP I hope when you next go to her house you very deliberately inspect her dishwasher filter and hopefully find fault with it...
Ditto the tumble dryer filter (is there a second level one on hers? Mine has the two so checking the second level one - and with a kitchen wipe at the very end where only very determined fluff gets to and is easily forgotten (and can be tricky to get to if your mil is less agile.

Then if she huffs at you doing this you can just say that mil, I'm only following your example, I'd have thought you'd have been pleased.

And follow up with something else extra to inspect if you can...

[Clankboing]

As you guessed! And goodness, how bloody boring looking at the dishwasher filter!

[Toofewshoes]

I have half a turkey and loads of potatoes left. No-one went hungry and my dishwasher filter will not be checked as I have banned my MIL from helping. Got these growing teenagers to help me! Merry Christmas to you all.

[myusernamewastaken]

I have two gym obsessed sons...one is 19 and the other is 18....they cost me an absolute fortune in food....the 18 year old is ruled by his stomach and gets really irritable when hungry.

[GravyAndShite]

I have found success my way, and my mil is suitably tamed and trained now. But certainly everyone has different approaches.

[dubdurbs]

I absolutely would not try to engage with her, she's looking for that inch she can stretch into a mile! Ask he for her opinions on the spuds and the narrative will change to OP not being sure of how many to cater for, which in turn becomes OP being nervous about cooking for a crowd, which then becomes MiL never had a problem in HER day.

Take a firm approach with her-'thanks MiL, but I'm quite sure capable of cooking for everyone, if I need your help I'll be sure to ask' Knock her back when she makes the comments, and don't be apologetic about it, she's not pussy footing around you when she's inspecting your house!

[GravyAndShite]

fill up not philip

[GravyAndShite]

Over question.

She makes the flippant comments that are potentially designed to make you feel inadequate. You can flip it around.

If she says you need more potatoes make it a full blown conversation not just a passing jibe or remark.

"You think we need more potatoes? I was planning to do this many how many do you think I should do?"

Do some maths conversations at that point so that's x potatoes per person? Total of x amount. So I'll buy this many bags.

"That's a lot of peeling, I think I'll need your help in that area."

Dinner conversation - "granny thinks you boys are bottomless pits! Make sure you those potatoes she was so insistent that we had a lot of them for you! She's been slaving away in my kitchen all morning for me!"

Pray to the good lord that there are lots of leftover potatoes so if you can have your little comment... "oh I think your calculations were out - I Think I'll stick to my original plan next year."

( handy cheat: make lots of extra meat or stuffing balls are something else really delicious so was the boys Philip on that and you get to use your potato comment

[Namechangebitch]

Dishwashers have filters?

[lasttimeround]

Thank you queen I try v v hard not to think about it. Makes my toes curl.

[QueenArseClangers]

Eeeeew! Your FIL sleeps with no duvet cover lasttime??!
I'd burn the bed

[wictional]

I'd get my sharpie out and write something rude on the tumbledryer fluff-sheet

[lasttimeround]

Sorry for derail - just needed to shout it out somewhere. Keep going and do send her out to scrub the filter in the snow

[lasttimeround]

OK mine has brought own towels and a silk sheet line thing. So we don't have to do laundry. I know she's trying to be helpful but I also know fil sleeps nude snd without the duvet cover used I will need to get duvet dry cleaned.
Every visit this happens I must remember to make up beds fully when they come rather than just leave bedding out. She's also now using mattress protector as sheet. No doubt there'll be comments as to how uncomfortable our bedding is from fil. Argh our bedding is cheap but decent if you'd only blooming use it.

[SapphireStrange]

I don't get all these suggestions for game-playing about the wretched filter.

DH needs to say, firmly, 'Let that filter alone and please stop talking about it. You're being immensely rude and, frankly, weird.'

End of.

[AHobbyaweek]

Have you thought about hiding the filter so that when she goes to check you can day "oh it kept getting dirty so we don't bother anymore".

[SuburbanRhonda]

I wouldn't clean the dishwasher filter. Have a bowl of soapy water and a washing up brush at the ready and send her into the garden to clean it

[Poole5]

It is also so extraordinarily sexist - this stuff about MEEN needing to be fed, and BOYS having big appetites. Yes, there is a higher calorific requirement for males- but isn't it about people? Aren't growing women ever allowed to be hungry. (Or are they just meant to nibble a teenyweeny bit of smoked salmon, and be grateful.)

I find this extraordinarily sexist too.

Also how people think it is fine to chow down huge amounts of food just because they are thin (a lot of people seem to be unaware that you can be slim but have huge amounts of fat coating your internal organs)

[WalkingCarpet]

What about making nothing but a massive mountain of potatoes for Christmas dinner?

[Toofewshoes]

Ha! You have really made me laugh. I love it.

[WonderWombat]

No, the boys have to just eat the greens - and a little smoked salmon? - while saying, 'I'm eating pretty clean, these days.'

[Chippednailvarnishing]

You need to bribe the teenage boys to say very loudly "no potatoes for me I'm low carbing", just to wind her up.

[PickledCauliflower]

If it wasn't such a shocking waste of food - I would be tempted to put twenty potatoes on every male plate.