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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not pay for a school trip

97 replies

Jupiter2Mars · 10/11/2016 12:17

Ds2 has an upcoming trip through school. As usual, it needs to be paid for.

TBH Its under £10 but even at that price its a waste of money. I remember when DS1 went on it. He came back in a really bad mood because it was such a difficult, boring day - think 5 hours in a church spent contemplating.

What will happen if I don't pay for Ds2? I know he'll get nothing out of it, so if the school don't let him go, then that's fine, I think.

OP posts:

halcyondays · 10/11/2016 12:19

Does he want to go? I suppose they'd just put him in with another class for the day.

HallowedMimic · 10/11/2016 12:19

Just opt out. Then paying will be a complete non issue, they can't force anyone to go on trips.

halcyondays · 10/11/2016 12:20

Would they really spend 5 hours in a church contemplating on a school trip?

Original poster

Jupiter2Mars · 10/11/2016 12:23

They really spent 5 hours in contemplation when Ds1 went a couple of years ago. The accompanying letter says it will prepare them for the church at Christmas. (Yes, its a church school)
For some reason, DS1 came back really stressed and angry about it. He can do 10 hour car journeys without complaint, but he really couldn't hack the boredom that day.

OP posts:

SissySpacekAteMyHamster · 10/11/2016 12:24

Cripes I'd be pulling him out of the school if that's what they consider a decent school trip!

Original poster

Jupiter2Mars · 10/11/2016 12:24

There isn't an opt out button. Just a pay for it here button. Maybe a letter to school to say thanks, but no thanks?

OP posts:

mouldycheesefan · 10/11/2016 12:25

Just send a n

TupsNSups · 10/11/2016 12:25

Let him have the day off.

Trifleorbust · 10/11/2016 12:27

You sent your son to a church school and now you are moaning that they do school trips relating to the Church? Send him or don't, but the school aren't doing anything wrong here. It is part of their ethos.

mouldycheesefan · 10/11/2016 12:27

Send a note saying that you don't want your child going on the trip.

If you keep him off school that is unauthorised absence so I would not do that.

itsgottabeblackorwhite · 10/11/2016 12:27

5 hours sat in church?? Are you sure? I'd ask the teacher what it's all about.

mouldycheesefan · 10/11/2016 12:28

The op has no issue with him going to church, her issue is with him contemplating for five hours which does indeed sound horrendous.

Fortnum · 10/11/2016 12:29

How boring. Why did you send him to a Church School ?

holidaysaregreat · 10/11/2016 12:29

Going against the general consensus here but if he's at a church school then it's not an unreasonable expectation for a trip. If you don't pay he will most likely still have to go but the funding will have to come out of some other budget. It sends the message to him also that if something is 'boring' then it's not worth doing & it's OK to opt out. Unfortunately life is not always fun!

Original poster

Jupiter2Mars · 10/11/2016 12:29

TupsNSups- That's what i was thinking. Or he could go into another form.
But, if I don't pay, the form teacher will be asking him each day to remind me to pay.

So, I'd need to address it head on and write a letter. Except that seems to be trying to provoke the school when really I just wish that they a. didn't come up with these sort of trips in the first place and B. didn't add injury to insult by asking me to pay for it!

OP posts:

Trifleorbust · 10/11/2016 12:31

Just write a simple letter saying you don't give permission. Done. Then send him into school.

Wolfiefan · 10/11/2016 12:32

Why did you not take it up with the school when your first child did the same trip and was so affected?
Talk to the school. Find out what will be happening. I really doubt it's 5 solid hours of silent contemplation!
Send or withdraw your child but don't avoid paying if you can afford it. £10. Pay for travel etc?
With regards to having to pay for every trip. Well yes. Schools have a budget. For staffing and heat and light and exercise books and technology etc. not for extra curricular.

Original poster

Jupiter2Mars · 10/11/2016 12:33

I sent him to a church school mainly because he could get a place and because it otherwise provides a good education (in subjects that have nothing to do with religion, like maths, English and Science).
Also, we do belong to that faith, so its not like we're adverse to the mention of God. Its just this is the sort of thing that 99.9% of churchgoers would find boring and when you add being a teenager into the mix, it is more like 1 in a million might get something out of it.

I guess the school do it to justify the money the church gives it each year.

OP posts:

Original poster

Jupiter2Mars · 10/11/2016 12:34

Its not silent contemplation. That would be easier (because you could let your thoughts drift). Its 5 hours having spiritual conversations.

OP posts:

Trifleorbust · 10/11/2016 12:35

No, the school do it because it is a faith school and part of their educational commitment will be bringing up their students in the faith. Contemplation is a key part of Christianity and this is something your child is being asked to do once. It won't kill him to learn some patience. However, you have every right not to send him. I do wish you would stop moaning about the religious aspects of the education you are benefiting from, however.

Original poster

Jupiter2Mars · 10/11/2016 12:38

Wolfiefan - I didn't say anything the first time around because it was over and done with by the time I found out what it was.

I found it what it was when Ds1 got home that night. It had really got under his skin. I'd never seen him like that, as he's usually quite placid. Now, he's decided he's an atheist.

OP posts:

KurriKurri · 10/11/2016 12:39

It sounds like a singularly pointless experience - what is supposed to get out of it. I'm sure far more interesting activities could be found for a church trip.
And regarding the 'why send your child to a church school' argument - You can send your child to a faith school and still think the activities organised are a waste of time, just as you can with a secular school. I would expect any school to find something more worthwhile for children to do on a church visit than sit doing nothing for five hours, and I would opt out.

(Obviously check out the details first OP - I went to a church school and five minutes of contemplation can feel like five hours in a cold church )

Original poster

Jupiter2Mars · 10/11/2016 12:40

Trifleorbust - there's lots of religious aspects, at least one a week. The only one I've moaned about is this trip.

OP posts:

Wolfiefan · 10/11/2016 12:40

But you could have discussed it with the school after the trip. They could have explained what they did on the trip, helped your child and maybe even adjust the plan for future years.

DesolateWaist · 10/11/2016 12:40

I don't see what not paying will achieve other than meaning every other parent, or the school, is subsiding your child.
If you don't want him to go then withdraw him for the day. You have the right to withdraw him from religious things.

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