To ask for the money back?

[Silverthorne]

We have a good friend who has been very supportive over the years. DH suffers with depression and it makes our marriage hard at times and this friend has always been a good egg when times were tough.

Before the summer he asked me for a loan of £2,000. No explanation why but he said he would repay it in August.

He also asked me not to talk to my DH about it and I did wonder if it was because he was embarrassed or maybe even because he had already asked my DH and either been turned down or was getting a second loan from me.

However, as uncomfortable as this made me feel, i did very much feel like a friend in need is a friend indeed and i wanted to support him in his hour of need. So transferred the money.

It is now Oct and no sign of the repayment. Two weeks I emailed him and said 'please can you repay me, here are my bank details' and he said he can't at the moment but if I am desperate he will get a loan from someone else (who? No idea) to repay me.

AIBU to ask him to do that as I feel so very uncomfortable with this situation now?

That's a huge sum of money to lend without discussing it with your husband.

I personally don't lend a sum I can't afford to lose. In your case, I'd say, "yes, I need it now."

Yes, push for it back. I've been seen off twice this year by people I considered to be very dear friends, and will never be lending money again.

You won't see it again.

Yes, I'd ask for it back now.

And I agree that's a huge amount to lend without discussing with your DH.
It's unfair of him to ask you to keep something like that from your DH, given the upset it could cause between you and your DH if your DH were to find out that you'd lent this friend so much money.

Sadly i dont think you see it again. Never lend what you cant afford to lose.

It's unfair of him to ask you to keep something like that from your DH

It's unfair and super weird. I would have had to have asked why.

Tell him you need the money and he will have to borrow from elsewhere.

You don't think he got a loan from your DH as well, do you?

OK, this is what I am going to write:

Listen, I do need to get the money back as the situation has changed. I now have to transfer quite a lot of money to DH. I have promised him I will send it several times. I feel uncomfortable with him not knowing about this. I would be grateful if you could repay the whole amount because otherwise it will be difficult for me.
Thank you.

Is that OK? I don't want to apologise for asking for it back....

No, that's not ok. Cut out all the guff about your personal reasons and just tell him straight you need it back

Yes contact him and ask for it back. I also wouldn't lend anybody anything without discussing it with my wife first.

"Yes, I do need the money back quite urgently, so please make what arrangements you need to"

I understand why you are suggestng that, Meadows, but I think that Silver's softer approach might be more successful..

Why are you giving reasons?! It was a loan. He hasn't started repaying. Tell him you need it now. Truthfully though, I don't think you will see it again. So you have any texts, emails, or any other proof? If not I suspect your not the first he has conned.

"Yes I do need it back urgently."

Don't explain why.

You were a fool to do this and not tell your DH.

You'll be lucky if you ever see the money again.

A softer approach has already failed, Tricky. Time to get serious as he's taking the piss.

Agree, no need for lengthy reasons or explanations. It was promised to be returned in August -it is now late October. You can be polite, but don't feel guilty for asking for your own money back!

soft approach is one thing but that reply is full of doubt, excuse and apology. The guy owes her 2k, she just needs to stick to that basic fact.

That sounds perfect to me though I'd probably not put the 'I'd be grateful' bit in. He should be grateful you lent it to him, not you for getting it repaid. You may add 'this was supposed to be a very short term arrangement between us ( interest free too, I'm guessing?) and it's all becoming a bit embarrassing now. Yes go ahead a get a formal loan if that is what it takes. I need the money in full by end of this week'. Good luck.

I would also add that he promised to pay this back in August.

Good luck.

You lent someone TWO GRAND of family money without telling your husband? Wow. That's not great tbh. I think you need to tell your H.

Short and sharp response would be best, leave no wriggle room.

"Yes, I do want it back, immediately"

No hint of 'need' that being a choice, a definite, short timespan, no, sometime... soon... ish...

And do tell your DH. You will possibly find that he too has lent said friend £2K, you may even have been responsible for friend paying your own DH back.. or DH is asking for money to lend to said friend....

Sometimes even the nicest of people get stuck in a money-go-round and it changes them, completely, as they become ever more desperate to service a debt whilst hiding it! Do not join in any more than you already have...

Good luck!

If I was your DH I would be very, very upset with you,

I don't think that you will see that money again.

Firstly please tell your husband.

Secondly tell,him you need it back, give him seven days then take him to court.

You struggle to pay the mortgage at times and you handed over £2k without telling your family? Yeah, I'd tell him you need it back. But I think it's gone.

Where do I say I struggle to pay the mortgage?