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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Is Dp lazy or do I expect too much?

89 replies

PeppasNanna · 15/10/2016 13:40

I'm ill. Dp is on leave, (coincidence). 4 dc.
I'm very organised so being out of action for a few days shouldn't be a big deal.

But he managed not to bring ds to his activity on thursday. (Even though we have a weekly calendar, listing what everyone does& on what days). Didn't send the swimming kits into school on Friday. I pack them on a Sunday so nothing to do mid week.

He went & bought food (pizza) we didn't need. The meat is now out of date in the fridge. No breakfast cereal. No milk.

None of the kids dressed or washed today.

House generally turning into a hovel.

He says I'm unreasonable & he's doing his best. Hes pathetic.

AIBU???

OP posts:

DementedUnicorn · 15/10/2016 13:44

Has he done anything right?

VladmirsPoutine · 15/10/2016 13:45

Yanbu but if you've basically been looking after him as if he were your 5th child then what were you expecting to happen. Of course he should be doing his equal share of house/child upkeep but from the sounds of it you've been running the show for so long without his support he's now dumbfounded as to what to actually do.

humblesims · 15/10/2016 13:46

YABU. He's not as organised as you thats all. Give him a break. Dosnt sound like he's lazy just not as used to the routine as you.

BusterGonad · 15/10/2016 13:47

I think you need to give him a break if he's not used to doing so much, as frustrating as it is I'm sure he's not intentionally messing things up.

Original poster

PeppasNanna · 15/10/2016 13:48

Has he done anything right?
Hes fed the dc. Given them their meds. Changed the 2 yr olds nappy ( he's not got time to do the potty training...)

Yes hes done something right.

OP posts:

Soubriquet · 15/10/2016 13:50

If he isn't used to it, he is probably forgetting things.

It's easy to forget things.

What's wrong with pizza for dinner? Ok the meat has gone off but he's provided food

ThatStewie · 15/10/2016 13:52

He's lazy. If he wanted convenience of pizza, you put the meat in the freezer. Hardly rocket science. Missing activities/ no swimming kits can be a mistake but, seriously, unless you've got the calendar in a language he can't read not checking it is just silly. Equally, no milk/cereal a one off mistake easily rectified. The house being a hovel less tolerable.

Nurszilla · 15/10/2016 13:54

Doesn't sound lazy, just forgetful and maybe a bit overwhelmed?

I struggle organising one child and a smallhold, and rarely check in the fridge before buying dinner

Original poster

PeppasNanna · 15/10/2016 13:54

All dc were out of the house yesterday. School & playgroup. He did nothing all day. Hevtook the 2 yr old shopping after he picked her up from nursery.

We've got builders starting work on 31/10. Even if he did some of the stuff to prepare for that, i wouldn't be do annoyed.

Hes sat on his arse, playing games on his phone for 2 days...Doing the bare minimum, leaving all to me as per usual

OP posts:

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 15/10/2016 13:55

Yabu. He's just doing it differently to you.

birdsdestiny · 15/10/2016 13:56

Did someone tell you how to run a home op? No thought not. But bless him how could he possibly know that children need to get dressed or that milk needs to be purchased.

QuiteLikely5 · 15/10/2016 13:56

Let the small things go in life is what I say...........

Original poster

PeppasNanna · 15/10/2016 13:57

Everything is written down!!!
Every activity for every person, all week.
I do it every Sunday night.

There was food for dinner but he went & bought pizza instead... I had provided food. He just needed to cook it.

OP posts:

Soubriquet · 15/10/2016 13:59

Maybe he didn't fancy cooking

Everyone is fed. Does it really matter what they are fed? For one day?

Original poster

PeppasNanna · 15/10/2016 14:01

Its not one day...

OP posts:

CupofTeaTime · 15/10/2016 14:01

YANBU!

Soubriquet · 15/10/2016 14:01

So what did he feed the previous nights?

Original poster

PeppasNanna · 15/10/2016 14:03

It seems i Aibu. A 48 year old man can't follow basic written instructions but I'm unreasonable

OP posts:

Original poster

PeppasNanna · 15/10/2016 14:04

The Casserole i organised Thursday.

OP posts:

Optimist3 · 15/10/2016 14:07

He's just playing on his phone? All day? Letting the crap build up so you have to deal with it when you're over the worst.

I think a little bit of playing on phone and getting things wrong is fine if he's genuinely trying but if it's just that he can't be arsed and isn't pulling his weight at all, I'd be pissed off.

What does be normally do house/kid wise?

Soubriquet · 15/10/2016 14:08

So he fed them a casserole and a pizza

Hardly the end of the world is it?

Bit of mess in the house. Not ideal but it's liveable

Forgetting clubs and PE kits. It happens. Even when being written down

Milk and cereal. No that ones a bit of a fuck up and most people check they have milk at least

DorotheaHomeAlone · 15/10/2016 14:09

I can't believe the responses on here. He's not 'doing it his own way' he's half-arsing it. Would it be ok for you to just not bother sending their swim kits or constantly chuck food because you're too lazy to cook it? No milk, kids not dressed? He's doing the bare minimum and expecting you to clear up after him when you're better.

bakingaddict · 15/10/2016 14:10

Then stop doing everything. When you're better tell him there is going to be routine changes. Divide up jobs and areas of responsibility and let him get on with them. If he is such a fuckwit why on earth did you have 4 kids with such a sorry specimen of a man. This is what I never understand when I hear stories like yours. You know after the 1st baby how hands on they are going to be as fathers'. If my DH was so useless I certainly wouldn't be having such a large family with somebody who left me to do everything

witsender · 15/10/2016 14:15

I'd be pissed off at missing activities and wasting food...this really isn't rocket science. Does he forget stuff at work? It wouldn't be enough for a screaming row, but enough for me to be pissed off and say so.

BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted · 15/10/2016 14:16

I suggest you continue to be poorly for a bit longer. Then start giving orders from your sick-bed. See if he steps up

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