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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be surprised by rude children?!

93 replies

MyBreadIsEggy · 15/10/2016 11:49

I'm at huge risk of sounding like my mother, but I was genuinely surprised by this!
I live in a little tiny village that just happens to be home to the most delicious bakery ever I popped in on my way home this morning to grab some biscuits, and there was a little queue. At the front was a woman with two children, a boy I would guess was around 8, and a girl a little bit older. They were fussing over what treats they were going to choose, and when they were speaking to both their mum and the lady who owns the bakery, all I heard was "I want, I want, I want" pointing at the glass - neither of them said "please" at all. Then when the owner didn't know exactly what they were pointing at, demanding "I want that!", she asked "Which one? This one?" and picked up a biscuit, only to be met with a scoff from the boy and "Noooo! I want the other one!!" His Mum didn't say a word!
AIBU to be genuinely surprised by this blatent rudeness and lack of manners that went completely unchallenged by the parent?!

OP posts:

JellyBelli · 15/10/2016 11:51

YANBU. Its a shame as the mother isnt doing them any favours, when they are adults people wont have to put up with it.

Dafspunk · 15/10/2016 11:51

Mmm which village and what's the bakery?

honkinghaddock · 15/10/2016 11:52

Some children are allowed to be rude. With others there may be things going on you don't know about.

Soubriquet · 15/10/2016 11:53

Yanbu

But you will get plenty of people telling you are. Children should be able to express their emotions how they want to apparently

Original poster

MyBreadIsEggy · 15/10/2016 11:58

Was just stood there like that the mother didn't say a word! Not even a little nudge towards saying "please".
Surely teaching kids to say "please" and "thank you" are two of the first things a lot of kids learn to say is it not? My DD says "taa" or "thankooo" both when she's given something, or when she wants something from me....we are working on "please"!

OP posts:

RoseGoldHippie · 15/10/2016 11:59

Yanbu

But you will get plenty of people telling you are. Children should be able to express their emotions how they want to apparently

^^this - you are doing no harm by teaching your children how to say please and thank you. People please remember than snotty horrible children turn into snotty horrible adults that no one wants to play with

PapaverSomniferum · 15/10/2016 11:59

More fool the owner for responding to that. My answer to 'I want that!' would have been 'Oh, do you?' And see how long it takes for the rude child or the idiot parent to work out that they need to ask politely.

lljkk · 15/10/2016 12:05

In a small village I imagine business owner has to put up with occasional rudeness or go out of business. Not worth offending potential customers.

I dunno, sounds a bit Hyacinth Bucket, cut the mom a break. Maybe she was at end of her frazzle & so were the over-excited kids. No real harm done.

KingJoffreysRestingCuntface · 15/10/2016 12:06

Probably filming a series.

Little Britain?

honkinghaddock · 15/10/2016 12:06

Having an older child with very few words, please and thank you have never been ones I have worried about pushing.

bumsexatthebingo · 15/10/2016 12:08

I usually get my kids to say please and thank you when they forget mainly because I think it reflects badly on me if they don't but I think modelling good manners yourself and praising children when they remember is equally good at teaching them to use good manners independently. Maybe the the woman goes for that approach or maybe she never uses good manners and they are a rude family - who knows?

AllTheShoes · 15/10/2016 12:10

I've been known to automatically say 'and how do you ask nicely' to a child on a playdate. They tend to look puzzled, and one of my kids will explain that I'm expecting a 'please'.

bumsexatthebingo · 15/10/2016 12:10

Good point honkinghaddock. It's a per hate of mine to hear people pushing for a please when a child is struggling with speech and 'want juice' for eg is already a real effort.

Trifleorbust · 15/10/2016 12:11

As a teacher I am sometimes shocked by the lack of manners some parents seem to have taught their children. They don't get anything from me without a please!

Oblomov16 · 15/10/2016 12:12

I think many/most children are quite rude these days. My ds's answer back like I never would of dreamed of to my mum- and are rude sometimes. I nearly always correct them, or say don't speak to me like that, but it makes litttle difference.

Even some of my ds's friends who are totally lovely, I have seen behave badly, rudely, similar to my ds's.
Makes me really sad.

DemonNameChanger · 15/10/2016 12:15

My kids would do this. They have asd amount other problems, and I am frequently told by others it's not apparent.

Because of their asd they would expect others to know which 'one' they are asking for or (not) pointing too & become anxious and agitated and frustrated and demanding when someone misunderstands.

They would however be very smiley & grateful & gushing when the correct choice is given. And I would prompt them to say thank you these days. I wouldn't have when they were preschoolers as they struggle so much with talking to strangers and social language but now they have developed that I would prompt thank you, where as previously I would have modeled it.

You can't tell these things from the outside looking in.

NewStartNewName · 15/10/2016 12:17

Bad manners drive me nuts! Having a DC with speech issues when younger didn't make a difference. He still managed a variation of his own which was perfectly clear to anyone what he meant. My DCs don't get anything with a please and they are reprimanded if they don't say thank you. Oh and "I want doesn't get" is repeated frequently.

DustyCropHopper · 15/10/2016 12:19

Oblomov16 I understand what you are saying about answering back etc, mine are like that too. That said, to other people, their manners are brilliant (I get lots of comments about how polite they are). I am very hot on manners to the point that I often do not give them the chance to say please or thank you before I jump in and remind them or I am too busy reminding them to notice they have already said it. I correct them when they answer back but as you say most of their friends are the same, I have no idea why!

jayisforjessica · 15/10/2016 12:21

YANBU. When I was coming up, we were expected to use our manners - not only please and thank you, but when we were asked a question/told to do something, the answer was "yes sir" "no ma'am" etc. Largely, this was because both of my parents were military! But it's something that's stuck with me, and something I passed on to my DS.

Oh God. I can hear myself boasting about DS and how well mannered he is D: I'm so sorry lol. But to be fair, I worked hard with him on it so I think I have the right to be a bit proud of him in that arena.

honkinghaddock · 15/10/2016 12:23

Newstart- there are speech issues and being almost non verbal.

crabbiearses · 15/10/2016 12:26

maybe the mum was having a shite day and tuned out for a bit while in th bakers, why are people always watching other parents and children and judging their parenting, its exhausting.

JellyBelli · 15/10/2016 12:27

The children in OP's post are not non verbal. Its like the threads where OP complains about their parent, and a hundred posters jump on them wailing 'but I have no parent, think about that before you say anything!'

Children who have trouble concentrating or understanding rules need more help and guidance when interacting with the outside world. Not less. And challenging behaviour is not all down to SN's. Some parents just cant be arsed.

bumsexatthebingo · 15/10/2016 12:27

If a child who speaks in maximum 2 word sentences is saying 'black car' when offered a choice of 2 cars to play with for eg insisting on 'black car please' is ridiculous and likely to lead to a lot of frustration and the child being reluctant to attempt to speak at all.

therootoftheroot · 15/10/2016 12:27

i have recently met the rudest child it has been my misfortune to meet.
he is 7 but speaks like a stroppy 15 year old.

everything is met with an aggressive 'what?' or ' i am doing it aren't it?'

or to my shock the other day 'what are you looking at?'

mum thinks he shits gold.

the rest of the world will NOT.

DemonNameChanger · 15/10/2016 12:31

But jelly you can't look at a strangers child and no whether they have send or not

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