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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be surprised by rude children?!

93 replies

MyBreadIsEggy · 15/10/2016 11:49

I'm at huge risk of sounding like my mother, but I was genuinely surprised by this!
I live in a little tiny village that just happens to be home to the most delicious bakery ever Grin I popped in on my way home this morning to grab some biscuits, and there was a little queue. At the front was a woman with two children, a boy I would guess was around 8, and a girl a little bit older. They were fussing over what treats they were going to choose, and when they were speaking to both their mum and the lady who owns the bakery, all I heard was "I want, I want, I want" pointing at the glass - neither of them said "please" at all. Then when the owner didn't know exactly what they were pointing at, demanding "I want that!", she asked "Which one? This one?" and picked up a biscuit, only to be met with a scoff from the boy and "Noooo! I want the other one!!" Hmm His Mum didn't say a word!
AIBU to be genuinely surprised by this blatent rudeness and lack of manners that went completely unchallenged by the parent?! Confused

OP posts:
Serialweightwatcher · 15/10/2016 13:10

There may be sometimes a reason for children's behaviour, but whatever that reason is, there is no excuse for the parent to keep pulling them up and telling them to say 'please' and 'thank you' and to be polite .... I was always taught to be polite and I expect my children to be also - if children aren't taught they don't learn properly and become rude entitled adults - not good

Girliefriendlikesflowers · 15/10/2016 13:13

I have always made my dd say 'please' and 'thank you' I don't respond at all if she doesn't!

If i heard her speaking like that in a bakery she would be leaving empty handed - 'i want-doesn't get' is my rule!

I have just served up lunch and she said 'thank you Mummy for this food' good manners cost nothing and are so important.

Serialweightwatcher · 15/10/2016 13:13

for the parent not to keep pulling them up

DemonNameChanger · 15/10/2016 13:15

There are quite a few parents who have special needs thems elves, maybe they also have asd and don't understand social interaction and never had anyones help, maybe they have social anxiety, maybe they havn't slept in ten years because many kids with send have sleep disorders & they just dropped the ball that day.

There are plenty rude parents and children but plenty you really can't tell from outside looking in.

FrancisCrawford · 15/10/2016 13:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GettingMuckyFingersCrossed · 15/10/2016 13:21

YANBU OP

Manners cost nothing

hollyisalovelyname · 15/10/2016 13:24

The Magic word in our house is Please.

DemonNameChanger · 15/10/2016 13:27

Op hasn't said what the mother said to the shop assistant. Just that she didn't intervene with the kids.

There's a huge differeceived between sleep deprivation and being a bit tired. Maybe mum normally is very polite. Most people arn't allways polite or allways rude, everyone drops the ball sometimes.

stealtheatingtunnocks · 15/10/2016 13:29

Grandma Tunnocks used to say "I want doesn't get". And then, patient silence.

I am very polite. unless I've had a couple of gins

YouTheCat · 15/10/2016 13:31

Both my kids are on the spectrum.

Ds is completely non-verbal but even he can manage the Makaton for 'please' and 'thankyou'.

I always manage to be polite, even when I was surviving on 3 hours of broken sleep a night.

I see a lot of NT children with no manners at all at work. The parents just can't be bothered.

limitedperiodonly · 15/10/2016 13:41

How long did all this take? I only ask because I got stuck behind the family from hell at a Ben and Jerry's stall in the cinema.

They were asking for a taste of all the flavours while the queue was growing. The mum was saying: 'What do you think of this one, darling? Would you like the nice girl to give you a taste of that one?'

It was performance parenting and she was enjoying holding everyone up. I didn't even want an ice cream. It was my friend's decision. Luckily she is more assertive than me and said to the woman: 'Look, it's not a fucking encounter group. Just fucking choose now or get out of the way. My film starts in a minute.'

The manager didn't escape either. My friend demanded to know why he hadn't started serving too and just left the poor assistant to it. He said he was doing important paperwork and my friend said: 'Your job is to sell ice cream when it's busy and do paperwork when it's quiet.' The queue was impressed but I already knew my friend was hardcore.

FrancisCrawford · 15/10/2016 13:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Merrylegs · 15/10/2016 14:00

Were they with an Elephant? And a bad baby?

TooPlain · 15/10/2016 14:01

Yanbu. I was helping at a craft table and the children saying 'I want purple' without a please or thank you in sight really got my back up. It's just not how we talk to each other in this country. Parents are doing their children a massive disservice in not instilling basic manners from a young age.

hummingbird100 · 15/10/2016 14:13

YANBU! The rudest child I ever saw was about 7, she was with her gran. Myself and DS in the buggy, and girl and (I assume) her gran, all approached a lift at the same time - I reached out and pressed the button. Gran and I smiled at each other. Lift took ages. Girl rolled her eyes at me and fumed 'For CRYING out loud this is talking AGES' and said not-so-subtley to her gran 'Did she even press the button?' all while scowling and giving me the side eye. Gran looks at her adoringly. Lift appears, she marches in first, arms crossed. Cheeky little thing! I was amused as she was so tiny with this massive attitude but also a bit shocked!

NothingMoreThanFelines · 15/10/2016 14:14

My severely speech-delayed 2.5-year-old knows to sign "thank you" when someone gives her something. We're not quite there with "please" yet...

honkinghaddock · 15/10/2016 14:22

My 10 year old can't say or sign please or thank you. I always say it for him but I never apologise for something he cannot do.

JasperDamerel · 15/10/2016 14:50

My parents were the sort of hippies who didn't believe in forcing their children into formal good manners, and I was brought up in three different countries which all had slightly different expectations (DP is always horrified when him remind him of the greeting/leaving conventions at family get-together a in France). So I learned how by behave by observing what other people did and fitting in.

Because of this, I totally overlook failures of formal manners in small children, because I just don't have that automatic response to a missed please or thank you. I do notice the way that children ask, but I wouldn't judge a friendly 'I'd really like that pink one' as ruder than a muttered, 'pink, please'. I do worry that my children will be judged as rude and badly brought up, but people generally seem to describe them as nice and polite, so hopefully my own bad example isn't holding them back too much. I have told my friends that I'm not very confident about what constitutes proper good manners in England, and asked them to point out any glaring gaps in our behaviour.

YouTheCat · 15/10/2016 14:59

Jasper, I wouldn't worry. It's more about the 'I want I want' immediate gratification types.

Original poster
MyBreadIsEggy · 15/10/2016 15:31

Sorry I've been MIA, I had visitors! To answer the question asked by many, the parent didn't say anything, just paid and left.
I told my friend about it, and described the kid - turns out my friend is pretty sure she does the Mum's hair (she's a mobile hairdresser), and if it is the same family, the kids are unruly at home apparently Confused

OP posts:
FrancisCrawford · 15/10/2016 15:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BowieFan · 15/10/2016 15:49

YANBU OP.

And can we please not turn this into a "but what about kids with ASD?" discussion, because it's quite obviously not that, is it?

As an aside, my DS2 who has ASD has always been able to say "please" and "thank you". Sometimes he doesn't like to and he doesn't have to do it to family and relatives, but in shops he says it because he knows it's the right thing to do.

BowieFan · 15/10/2016 15:53

Having said that, I might just be obsessively polite. I work with someone who used to teach me as a teen and I simply can't call him by his name, I still call him "Sir", even when he came to ours for Christmas Dinner and I went to his daughter's wedding. Maybe I'm just odd!

maisiejones · 15/10/2016 19:12

Mybread. Somewhere on the Suffolk coast by any chance?

Sallystyle · 15/10/2016 19:19

I got my two children with severe speech issues to sign thank you as well.