Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not wants DPs Mums name as middle name?

83 replies

BombayBonsai · 07/10/2016 20:41

I thought we had agreed on a middle name for our baby.

We are actually rethinking the first name at the moment and DP when saying a name we are discussing back said first name, mums name, surname.

This is new to me and I actually don't like it. He hasn't said anything as of yet as the conversation was cut short but I think it may be because DD1 has my Mums name as a middle name. She's from a previous relationship though and I happen to have the same middle name.

Should I cave on this?

OP posts:
Temporaryname137 · 07/10/2016 20:42

If it really means something to him and you can live with it and choose a first name that you like, then I would personally

Mybeardeddragonjustdied2016 · 07/10/2016 20:44

Sounds fair enough unless its a really awful name!!
Do we get to know it??

Swirlingasong · 07/10/2016 20:45

Why don't you like it? It is just the actual name or is is that you don't want her named after your MiL?

Meadows76 · 07/10/2016 20:46

Should you 'cave'? Ag the very least yoy should say to him 'oh, I thought we had chosen X as a middle name' then see what he says. If he really wants his mums name then why not? Why should it be your decision and you giving in to him as if he is a child? He has as much right as you to name your child. In any case literally no one ever uses a middle name as a matter of course. Some people choose to use them. But certainly it isn't a commonly done thing unless you choose it. Also, what about 2 middle names?

Griphook · 07/10/2016 20:51

Sounds fair to me unless you really dislike her name. Do you really not like the name or are you disliking it because of mil. Tbh it's his child as well

Clawdy · 07/10/2016 20:53

Middle name is hardly ever used, and not important. Just go for it.

Original poster
BombayBonsai · 07/10/2016 20:55

I really don't like the name and it just doesn't sound right with either of the names we like.

It is really my decision if we use that name because he wants to and if I don't then we won't be but we would find another name that we both liked. I'm not saying my choice trumps his but the same as I wouldn't insist on calling a baby something he doesn't like I don't really want her name to be something I don't like. Think that's fair?

OP posts:
Dowser · 07/10/2016 20:55

I was pleased to give my daughter my mil's name. It's a very pretty name and goes well with the first name which I chose.

Unless it's a really ugly name could you not go along with it. They don't really use it after all.

Original poster
BombayBonsai · 07/10/2016 20:57

I guess I'll sit on it and see if it grows but I just really really hate it.

It's his Mums full name which she doesn't use. She uses a shortened version.

OP posts:
Rainbunny · 07/10/2016 20:57

Well middle names really don't get referenced often, I don't know the middle names of most of my friends now I think of it.

I get your annoyance though, my middle name is my grandmother's name and I've disliked it since I was a young child, so going on for about 35 years now! Some names are just ugly and will never come back into popularity. My DGM never mentioned me having her name either, I don't think she cared at all, perhaps she hated her name as well! Do you think your DP's mum knows or wants this for your dd?

ollieplimsoles · 07/10/2016 20:58

I wouldn't do it, how long have you being with dp? Do you know her well/ get on with her?

Dowser · 07/10/2016 20:59

Then why not make it a third name. I wanted to give my daughter her own name, paternal grandmas name and my mums name ...think something like maud.
Anyway I didn't but she would have used it even less.

RhodaBorrocks · 07/10/2016 20:59

I didn't like XDPs choice of name for DS, it is a very common name amongst my age group and I didn't want him to always be known by his surname (which happened with the boys at my school who had the same name).

So I agreed to it as a middle name as long as I had final say on the first name. He agreed and liked my choice, the names go well together.

Unfortunately it backfired on me and the name had a surge in popularity that year so DS is known as [first name] [first initial of surname] at school.

But really, if you get final say on her first name, you should accept his preference for a middle name.

hufflepuf · 07/10/2016 21:00

YANBU IMO at all. You want DD to have a name you both love

user1471554184 · 07/10/2016 21:01

Don't do it! You're the one carrying and labouring this baby out. Do not honour is mother if you dont like the name. Find out his granny's name perhaps?

Enidblyton1 · 07/10/2016 21:01

I would have two middle names - the one you agreed on and your Mil's name. Middle names are hardly ever used/needed, so it's not going to matter. But you will get brownie points with you Mil Grin

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 07/10/2016 21:01

DD1 has my Mums name as a middle name

Imo in that case you should give them MIL name if it isn't awful.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 07/10/2016 21:03

You're the one carrying and labouring this baby out.

So a mother gets the final say in anything going forward because they are the one that carried and laboured the DC Hmm

Original poster
BombayBonsai · 07/10/2016 21:04

I wouldn't really want final say on the first name. I want it to be something we both love and if he was a bit iffy about it I just wouldn't feel comfortable choosing it.

I know her relatively well and we get on well. I have no issue with her just her name I guess.

OP posts:
AmeliaJack · 07/10/2016 21:04

Don't name your child something you hate.

Do try to find a compromise though.

Meadows76 · 07/10/2016 21:05

You're the one carrying and labouring this baby out. Really?? So that means the mother has the final say on every decision regarding the child?

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 07/10/2016 21:06

Yabu.

You have your mums name, it's fair to have his mums name.

(And that's crap user147.....)

babyblabber · 07/10/2016 21:06

DD1 has MIL's name as her middle name even though it's a name I don't really like, and in fact it reminds me of a girl I disliked in school.

But really it wasn't about me, it was for MIL, DH and for DD1. Sadly MIL has since passed so I'm grateful that there is a connection there, even though DD1 can't remember her. I have two middle names, one is the name of my father's mother who died when he was 16. I would have been her first grandchild. It means a lot to me to have her name, again, it's a connection to my grandmother, the woman who raised my dad.

Middle names are pointless really, so it's a perfect way to honour someone.

Rainbunny · 07/10/2016 21:06

OP is it a name that you just don't personally like but can imagine others might like? Or is it a genuinely ugly name (we can all tell a really ugly name compared to a personal dislike). If you think it's a genuinely ugly name then I would advise to stand firm against using it, otherwise your dd will just be irritated by it throughout her life.

LadyConstanceDeCoverlet · 07/10/2016 21:07

Have three names, and/or use the shortened version of MiL's name that she normally uses. It doesn't honestly matter what it sounds like, people just don't use middle names. Think about it - how many of your friends and colleagues even know what your second name is?