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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not wants DPs Mums name as middle name?

83 replies

BombayBonsai · 07/10/2016 20:41

I thought we had agreed on a middle name for our baby.

We are actually rethinking the first name at the moment and DP when saying a name we are discussing back said first name, mums name, surname.

This is new to me and I actually don't like it. He hasn't said anything as of yet as the conversation was cut short but I think it may be because DD1 has my Mums name as a middle name. She's from a previous relationship though and I happen to have the same middle name.

Should I cave on this?

OP posts:

Hassled · 07/10/2016 21:09

To me it's just normal to have a grandparent's name as your middle name - I do, my mother did, her mother did, my children do. In my head that's what middle names are for - I'm always slightly baffled when people say they picked whatever middle name just because it's pretty. I gather my family may well be a tad weird, though.

chocolateworshipper · 07/10/2016 21:10

Does MiL have a middle name that you're ok with? If so, could that be a compromise?

FurryLittleTwerp · 07/10/2016 21:11

Agree Lady you could have two middle names.

We had it easy - DS's name is

DFil name, DF name, Surname

DFIL has only ever been known by his middle name, leaving his first name free & without tantrums problems. This name is also DH's middle name. DF had no middle name.

chibsortig · 07/10/2016 21:11

Since your MIL uses a shortened version maybe you could ask her opinion as it may turn out she doesnt like her full name so might not want you to use it.

Original poster

BombayBonsai · 07/10/2016 21:15

Imo in that case you should give them MIL name if it isn't awful.

DD1 isn't DPs daughter though so I don't really find that to be relevant if I'm honest but suspect that may be his reasoning.

She has no middle name and the original middle name is DPs family name which I much prefer.

OP posts:

Original poster

BombayBonsai · 07/10/2016 21:16

Oh and DP doesn't even have a middle name. He won't go for more than 1.

OP posts:

wheresthel1ght · 07/10/2016 21:18

User14715 wtaf?? Dp pays all the household bills does that mean that I don't get a say in what colour we paint the walls??! How sexist can you get??!!

Op I totally get it! It was important to me that we used a name that was a tribute to my MIL because she was diagnosed with terminal cancer the day I went in to be induced. My poor dp was so torn between being with me for dd's birth and being with his mum. She kicked his ass out of the hospital! Unfortunately her first name was the same as my dad's mother who I loathed. She was a nasty vindictive bitch.

Her maiden name is also a popular boy's and girl's name which ironically had been on our list of maybes so we have used that. Is that a possibility for you?

Benedikte2 · 07/10/2016 21:20

OP you say your MIL is known by a shortened version of her name. Do you like that better? Could you use that? Explain to DP that your DD1 is named after you and not your mum and that if DD2 had been a boy his second name would have been DP's name.
Some names are truly ugly -- think Gertrude or Agatha and should not be inflicted on an innocent baby.
Use the name you first picked and if push comes to shove use MIL's nickname as a third.
Good luck

Narnia72 · 07/10/2016 21:20

We didn't use late FIl's name for a middle name because it was Neil and I didn't like it. OH wasn't bothered either way, but his step mum and half sisters were upset. I would have used FIls middle name, but it's the same as my OH's first name. You live with it for a long time, don't use a name if you're not sure.

TigerLily666 · 07/10/2016 21:21

Both parties need to be happy with chosen names. so you should make your feelings known.

FWIW we had agreed rules when choosing - including no naming after family members, and no names we would be embarrassed shouting in the middle of the supermarkets

KungFuPandaWorksOut · 07/10/2016 21:22

It depends, does the middle name actually gel with the first name?
Is there a shortened version you could use or would that not work well with the first name?
Maybe ask MIL for a few suggestions of names see if there is one you all like and use it like that.

Blu · 07/10/2016 21:22

Whose surname will the baby have?

(do you know the baby is a girl?)

EweAreHere · 07/10/2016 21:34

I wouldn't use a name I didn't like, no matter where it came from.

NavyandWhite · 07/10/2016 21:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

katemess12 · 07/10/2016 21:42

YANBU.

Baby's name has to be an agreement, and if you don't like the name, you don't like the name.

DH and I agreed that our baby wouldn't be named after anyone in our lives, with the exception of my dad who passed away when I was a baby. This got rid of any pressure to use certain peoples' names.

kurlique · 07/10/2016 21:49

My mum's friend was horrified when her son announced that his DD's middle names were going to be her Grannies' first names! She has always hated her own name and insisted that they used something else instead of it so the baby ended up with one granny's name and another pretty (& a bit old fashioned) name as her middle names... Her DS and DDil meant well but hadn't realised that she didn't like her own name and she most definitely didn't want to 'blight' her DGD with it!!

dinosaursarebisexual · 07/10/2016 21:49

Unless the name gives her an unfortunate set of initials then I think you should cave.

SandyY2K · 07/10/2016 21:52

YANBU. You both need to like the name. End of story.

Blu · 07/10/2016 22:22

Just say the baby doesn't need a middle name - use him as an example!

'No middle name, just like you and MIL'

Original poster

BombayBonsai · 07/10/2016 22:40

The baby is getting my surname but then DP is taking my surname when we get married, his choice entirely and not remotely influenced by me. I'm also not willing to have that used as a trade off. That was his choice. The middle name that had been agreed previously was his family surname and I like that.

The shortened name is an obvious nickname and would sound weird to be honest. I don't want to say the name as it would totally out me if any of his family were on this. I've name changed for this thread for that reason.

AFAIK she hasn't been the one who's asked for this. She's not the type to ask to be honest.

OP posts:

NapQueen · 07/10/2016 22:51

Could his surname be the middle name?

Original poster

BombayBonsai · 07/10/2016 22:54

That's what it was meant to be.

OP posts:

gleam · 07/10/2016 22:58

The original name idea sounds great.

(I reckon the name is Brenda, nickname Bren.)

DixieWishbone · 07/10/2016 23:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BlackeyedSusan · 07/10/2016 23:03

dd 1 has your middle name.

what is his middle name? is there a girl version you like?

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