To be annoyed that our Teaching assistant might not be included

[MaLopez]

My son is in Year 3 and is autistic with a Teaching assistant. When we do class collections, we collect and split between all the staff, teacher and 2 teaching assistants.

Due to collect for Christmas (I know, we are early) and I hear some parents are not happy that they are donating for my son's teaching assistant. The teaching assistant, even though he is our one to one, works with other children in the class as well.

Am I being unreasonable to be a tad annoyed. I think it might be sadness that I am hiding under the anger that once again, we are on the sidelines. Just wanted your opinion xx

I have worked as a 1-1 and would have been amazed to be included. Most parents will only send in presents for the staff who have worked with and helped their child so I would imagine the same would apply to this. Maybe some sort of token gift would be nice but not expected.

In the same way I know at Christmas I will send in presents for a couple of TAs others in ds class probably won't by for as they both provide some of ds extra support during the week.

I'm not surprised that some parents feel like that but I am surprised that they're expressing it out loud. What twats they're making of themselves. And for what is surely a couple of quid per person at most?

I'm with you, OP. I think it is petty and mean spirited of the other parents. The TA in question is a member of the class team and shouldn't be viewed as "other" or separate, regardless of whether she works solely with your son or with other pupils too. Your son is a member of the class, so the TA working with your son is part of the fabric of the class overall, she's one of friendly faces all the children see, she contributes to the atmosphere and the functioning of the class overall, it would be a different class without her. Parents can't pick and choose which of the class team they contribute to (imagine one of those parents having to pay extra because their child gets extended higher maths input from the teacher!) YADNBU

They're not happy that they have to donate an extra 50p or a quid towards something they aren't obliged to donate to but are on the moan because they don't want to look like tight moaning gits?

Ignore the tight moaning gits, it'd hardly a fortune and it's for someone doing a valuable job and not just for your child as you've said.

Fuck 'em

sirzy this is about class collections for joint presents though, not individually-sent ones. I think that's slightly different. I would not say each parent has to pick and send a present for each member of staff individually.

I agree plimsolls, they all need to agree in advance who to include then people can decide if they donate or not.

I do think realistically though in most schools this approach will always get complicated though because some many staff members, especially tas either work with specific children or spend just an hour or so in the classroom. So deciding who to include isn't as easy as it may seem!

Phew! Thank you. I have just sat and cried in a corner as I was not really sure how to react. It's a collection of money for the whole class and we were collecting £5 to be shared between 3 staff members. I guess for some, we can tell them to bring in £3.33 and I will pay the balance. I really do not want to TA to feel left out. Or maybe I should just pay for "My" TA and ask that they collect for their own side. Sigh.

How much does the TA work with other children? If by that you mean if your ds is in a group he works with the group but primarily is there all the time for your ds is very different than if he works with your ds for 2 hours a day and the rest of the time is entirely class based.
The only times my dc have had a TA in that situation they were there entirely for the 1-2-1 so it wouldn't have made sense for them to get a class present.

I know the year that ds had joint teachers we did have the people who felt that in order to get enough to have 3 reasonable presents that we were having to ask for too much money. yes it was only £3 more but there were people for whom that did become a issue. We compromised in the end and collected for the two teachers and invited people to contribute an item for a hamper for the TA. Actually from what went in I think the TA did pretty well out of that!

When I was a 1-2-1 assistant I actually ended up doing more in the class than the TA! Must admit it did hurt to see the TA and teacher receiving gifts galore, while I stood there like a lemon. Would advise buying a small separate gift for you dc's assistant. Wine or chocs always a good choice.

ps. The amount would have stayed at £5. It's just that the number of people sharing would have gone from 2 to 3. No extra amount was required. It the share that was reduced. I might just tell them to leave out our TA. But then I would seem petulant and miffed and be the bad guy.

gottachangethename1, I can only imagine. I always get seperate gifts for the teachers and all TA outside the class gifts

Some people can be downright awkward about school collections.

I've not organised one myself, but a DM who did was telling me about all the grief she got when she did - was a job share situation where there was a change mid year and people weren't happy about the amount suggested or the split. Fair enough, but there is always the option to put in what you want and ask that it is split how you want.

In your case I'd suggest that you send an email and say that as usual the collection will be split between the teaching team including the TA and say that if any contributors want their money to be split differently please can they advise when handing in.

Seems very petty, especially when considering that the teacher will be on a higher wage than the TAs. DS is at a private school and the going rate is £10 at Christmas and EOY. Fair enough for us with only one child, but an expensive business if you have multiple DCs.

Class collections sound really awkward and complicated. Is this a common thing? Don't think it's ever been done at my school. Anyway in my experience, and depending on your son's needs, I'm sure that TA is highly likely to be working with lots of other children in the class too so it seems fair to include her.

They're being ridiculously petty. I'm always amazed at the things people can get stroppy about. I think they just like to create drama. Hope it hasn't upset you too much.

Totally petty behaviour! The TA is helping your son, therefore more attention can be given to the other children by the Teacher. And they're complaining?

There weren't class collections in dd's primary but don't remember ever witnessing where a 1 to 1 TA was left out. I bought for the teacher and the three TAs equally even though one of the TAs was dd's 1 to 1 and so technically didn't receive support from the class TA or the other 1 to 1 TA and other parents seemed to do the same. I would buy dd's TA a birthday present though as she brought in cake for the class where I didn't for the others.

I'm well out of touch. Teachers get presents for Christmas??!

We didn't even get teachers presents at the end of the school year or when we left when i was at school!

You are right to be annoyed. My DD shares a TA with another pupil but she also takes groups out for small group learning.
She is always included in the class collection.

We wouldn't include a 1-1 teaching assistant in our christmas/end of year class presents. The presents are to say thank you from the parents of the children they helped at the end of the year.

Hopefully your son's TA is helping your son rather than the other children.
I think you should be getting the present yourself.

How petty! This is why I do separate gifts, although I sometimes chip in a small amount for the class gift too for political reasons.

My DS is Autistic and yr5. He loves cooking, so each year we make gift bags of sweets or cookies for Teacher, TA(s), SENCO, Inclusion Coordinator/Deputy Head and Head as they're all fabulous with him and would go without otherwise. The head is always particularly grateful - I don't think the poor chap gets much thanks a lot of the time!

Is the TA there just for your child?

When mine were in primary, I only gave to the teacher who had them in the class. I was living on benefits with very little money and that extra £3 was budgeted so tightly I'd have never been able to afford it. I didn't do class collections at all for that reason - just a small thing from Poundland, and a lot of years, nothing, because I couldn't afford it at all.

I certainly wouldn't give to a 1 to 1 TA who was there for another child.

are they annoyed that they are being asked to contribute for the extra TA?
or are they annoyed that the money collected is being split 3 ways (rather than 2?)

there is a difference. some think that the voucher/collection is really important to the teacher/TA, like a christmas bonus rather than the gift of thanks it is supposed to be.

not saying they are right and you are wrong, just giving a different perspective.

Karoleann, I get seperate gifts for all the teachers already, so that is not the problem. It's the class collection which I also contribute to that some parents are not happy will be shared with our TA. The TA, while our 121, helps other children and even gets gifts from other children.

Tight bastards. Your son's TA is an important part of the class team - if they weren't there think of how much time the other teaching staff would need to spend with him and therefore not the other kids.