To be annoyed that our Teaching assistant might not be included

[MaLopez]

My son is in Year 3 and is autistic with a Teaching assistant. When we do class collections, we collect and split between all the staff, teacher and 2 teaching assistants.

Due to collect for Christmas (I know, we are early) and I hear some parents are not happy that they are donating for my son's teaching assistant. The teaching assistant, even though he is our one to one, works with other children in the class as well.

Am I being unreasonable to be a tad annoyed. I think it might be sadness that I am hiding under the anger that once again, we are on the sidelines. Just wanted your opinion xx

If someone is unable to /doesn't want to contribute to the pot, that's fine. It's not obligatory, but surely it's common manners to be polite in the response.
"We're doing our own thing, thanks" seems simple enough a response.

I have to say very quietly that overall I'm not wild about the idea of collections for teachers, which is why it's not something that I ever offer to arrange. I'm much happier to buy a present for DS's cub leader and contribute to his football coaches collection as they are voluntary posts, rather than someone doing the job they are already paid for.

If a class collection is being done people should be able to contribute whatever amount ( or none) that they want but whatever is collected should be spilt between all the adults that work in that class.

I rarely contribute to xmas gift collections etc because I'm skint most of the time but the op was suggesting 5 quid to be donated not mandatory. If the moaning ones didn't like how the money was to be used they could buy a box of chocolates or something else that would probably cost less than a fiver anyway.
Didn't have to contribute so why complain?

I don't get DC teacher presents or cards.

I don't get gifts or cards for doing my job. To me I find it weird.

Pretty obvious from here that there are lots of different opinions. The split of the pot and the amount of the pot discussion drives me nuts and can get completely out of hand. I think those who moan are never the people who organise collections or buy presents. I usually point this out to moaners and if I have something to say, I offer to help. (Teachers getting more than TAs for example!!)

Have a quiet word with the collection organiser but accept that people have different opinions and thank in your own way.

But "all the adults that work in that class" could be ten people or more.
My dc has guitar lessons. Would I expect other parents to contribute to a present for her guitar teacher? no!
I don't think it's being excluding or something to cry over that some parents see the TA as 'your TA' and therefore don't want to buy them a gift, be it a gift from themselves personally or a contribution to a class collection.

Those who moan? Empathy bypass, much?

A ta comes in twice a week specifically to help ds get changed for pe and for the pe lesson. I am sure she helps fasten buttons or things for others though. Should she be involved?

It's just so complex. Much easier for Everyone to buy for who they want to!

DD has a DC in her class who has a 1-1 TA. It would never occur to me to buy the TA a present or to contribute towards one. Yes, she occasionally works with the rest of the class while her assigned child is occupied, but her actual job is to support the child she has been assigned to. DD has as much contact with other TAs who might come in for 1 or 2 lessons a week or with midday supervisors and I wouldn't buy them a present either or it would frankly get ridiculous! I disagree she is part of the class team - she doesn't take part in planning/ generally supporting the class in the same way as the teacher does!

Ausernotanumber - in my experience those who complain are generally not those who are short of funds.

I did the collection for DS's football coaches - there was no recommended amount - and I was bowled over by pretty much everyone's generosity. Interestingly the parent who contributed very little was one whose DCs were at private school and who I know has a very well paid job.

So I think there are some people who just like complaining for the sake of it. As I said above, if people are unable/unwilling to contribute, then it's perfectly valid to say that you're doing your own thing/prefer not to get involved in class collections. Provided it's said politely I'm sure nobody would be upset by that.

Just because your dc are at private school and you have a well paid job does not mean you have a lot of disposable income. It might be the very reason you don't.

I'd hate to be told to give a set amount. They already get paid - any extra gift should be voluntary from the children and their parents. Let people decide for themselves - some may decide to let the child make something/bake something/make a card which might be easier if they are short on funds, and the teacher would probably prefer it to the expensive toiletry pack/scented candle chosen by the parents

Rookiemere, there are plenty of people about who do, vocally and loudly get upset if someone won't contribute to a collection. I had a nightmarish start to a new job once because I declined to take part in a collection about a fortnight after I started. At the time I had less than a tenner in my bank account and I was buying packets of plain pasta with the contents of my penny jar.

This is why people dislike collections, because people assume that x is a small amount of money and so everyone can definitely afford it.

I say this every year but I think whole class collections, or any teacher gifts, are ridiculous and Head Teachers should ban them. It is not necessary to give teachers presents - they are professionals and shouldn't expect anything either. A hand written card or genuine thank you letter is nice but the whole 'teacher gift' experience has just become yet another marketing ploy to make parents feel guilty.

The people who really do deserve proper 'thanks' are the volunteers who help your children - like rookie's football coaches, or Cub and Brownie leaders etc. People who give up their time and energy for free.

Given you say the TA works throughout the class, it does seem a bit small minded to begrudge him a split of the kitty. If you are worried/upset about it, OP, you could offer to put in, say, £10 yourself for "his" present, therefore allowing more of the other money to go towards the other teachers. If it's £5 per person, then if it's 7 people miffed about it, then you have "covered" their share, if you see what I mean. If nothing else, you would shut up the whiners with that sort of gesture make sure you email the class to suggest it so that everyone knows and can shut them up too.

Well that is a possibility as well Auser, but not likely I think in those particular circumstances. For the football coaching two working teenagers are giving up 6+hrs of their free time every week so it's a huge ask from them so my contribution reflected that, appreciate that not everyone can afford as much, but interesting that it's sometimes the most affluent that puts in the least.

I'm not frightfully fond of teacher collections, but I contribute as it's less hassle and indeed cheaper than buying my own card ( have you seen the price of cards these days?) a cheap gift that doesn't look cheap, and wrapping it - again cost of wrapping paper. Plus I'm not sure the teacher appreciates 25 mini packets of celebrations.

Oh I don't contribute to all the work ones sackmagique - I have a particular bee in my bonnet about contractor leaving cards. The whole point of them being contractors is they earn a lot more than us permies and are there for a set period of time. I've learned to be very quiet if I'm not putting in, or to contribute a very nominal amount.

The worst one was a collection for a contractors 30th birthday present. Bearing in mind that I'd been given no present for my 40th the week before and worked for the company for over 10years. Perhaps they just don't like me .

My kids made cards. Out of cheap card from the pound shop or the cards came from there.

And yes, maybe the teacher didn't like my crappy Poundland gift compared to your much more expensive item, but it's the thought that counts, or at least, I was brought up to believe so.

ragwort I completely agree with you.

I organized a collection for our dc teacher and everyone put in what they could afford, i didn't chase anyone up about it, just told them the date it needed to be in by, certainly not an amount. Got the money and bought something she dearly wanted for her house, which we found out with some detective work from another teacher. Our teacher was so thrilled, she cried she will always remember those dc every time she looked at it as it was something she had wanted for literally years, but could never find. Win/ win for everyone! People should just give what they can afford at the time.

I never contributed to a class collection, and I have no idea if I was considered "tight " or not. Some teachers were lovely and some were not.

We gave cards with a message from the children and small gifts to the ones that had been lovely.

This is why I don't contribute to school class collections. I hate everything about them from seeing a teacher being handed £100 whilst some TA's get given a cheap bottle of wine and flowers and 1:1 TA's completely ignored. I also cringe at the wanky Facebook tat pictures that get made up of the kids names or thumb prints and handed over. You can see the teachers face is thinking where the fuck am I meant to hang this.

I buy seperate gifts for teachers and TA's at the end of the year. Xmas they get a card.

It is the thought that counts, our teacher appreciated the efforts as well as the gift, in our case. They are not mercenaries after all, and won't be looking at the price of stuff surely?!

I think its pretty mean spirited to exclude one TA, I get some people won't contribute for whatever reason but just split what is contributed evenly. They are all part of the teaching team.