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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed that our Teaching assistant might not be included

128 replies

MaLopez · 30/09/2016 11:47

My son is in Year 3 and is autistic with a Teaching assistant. When we do class collections, we collect and split between all the staff, teacher and 2 teaching assistants.

Due to collect for Christmas (I know, we are early) and I hear some parents are not happy that they are donating for my son's teaching assistant. The teaching assistant, even though he is our one to one, works with other children in the class as well.

Am I being unreasonable to be a tad annoyed. I think it might be sadness that I am hiding under the anger that once again, we are on the sidelines. Just wanted your opinion xx

OP posts:
elliejjtiny · 30/09/2016 14:35

I'm glad you posted about this. I always bring in a big tub of chocolates to be shared with the teacher and TA's including the various TA's who do 1-1 with other children. I always worry that the parents of the children getting 1-1 think that I expect them to work with my child too though. I'm relieved that you would want your child's 1-1 TA to be included.

FrancineSmith · 30/09/2016 14:44

Well, firstly I think class collections are generally a bad idea. Family situations vary hugely and it's never nice to make someone feel obliged to contribute.

Secondly, I think gifts for teachers and TAs are a lovely thing to do if you particularly want to show appreciation for someone who has gone above and beyond for your child/the class, but I think they have got massively out of hand.

And thirdly, if you are doing a class collection then don't leave out anybody who is part of that class team.

I was a 1 to 1 for a few years. Anyone who thinks that being a 1 to 1 means you are only ever supporting that 1 child needs to spend some time in a classroom. Obviously it depends on the specific child and their needs, but I have never worked in a school where staff usage wasn't flexible, to take account of the needs of both individual children and the class as a whole at that particular time.

A classroom runs well because the staff are a team, whether that is a single teacher and a 1:1, or a couple of teachers doing a job share, class TA and various 1:1s. Every one of those members of the team will support your child in one way or another and help the class to run smoothly.

Lunde · 30/09/2016 14:49

Have always done class collections and in all cases all of the staff working in the class are included.

nancyblackett80 · 30/09/2016 14:53

So you're happily buying your own individual presents, for pretty much everyone, twice a year... But you're also asking everyone else to chip in for even MORE presents?

This is madness.

While its lovely and not compulsory to donate do you have any idea how fucking shit you make those that have to say no? Then there's a lovely card with everyones names on who have donated, and everyone else looks like a twat.

You might think its a nice thing to do but it won't make you popular.

MiaowTheCat · 30/09/2016 15:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bluepowder · 30/09/2016 15:16

It might not feel fair. But if the TA is used to 1:1 roles it won't be unexpected either. And really a card with a nice message is plenty.

nocampinghere · 30/09/2016 15:31

i feel sorry for the class reps or whoever is organising this having to be in the middle and make the decision.

OP i would be the bigger person here as it will only cause resentment and you will be with this class/parents for a long time yet! .
send an email/messsage through the reps saying you will organise a present for the 1:1 TA and if anyone feels the TA helps their dc and would like to contribute/sign the card they are welcome to.

dillyduck · 30/09/2016 16:33

Class collections are usually not a success with staff anyway unless you buy a gift card.

I dont thinks that teachers need presents however I have seen my staff quite upset that they have only received 1 gift , that cost a lot of money and it just not anything that they would use or want. Think a very expensive but overpowering perfume or a metal wrought fairy candle holder which was £125 and was very 'bespoke' in taste.

Give 30 small gifts, much more chance of a them hitting the mark or just write a lovely note.

Bluepowder · 30/09/2016 16:37

Or ask the teacher what they want.

Original poster
MaLopez · 30/09/2016 18:03

nancyblackett80 , did you actually read the posts and subsequent comments by myself??

A class collection is done, not by myself, and historically, it was shared by all staff, including our 121 TA. I buy gifts for the staff outside of the collection and will continue to do so. I am not asking anyone to chip in.

I am just feeling a tad miffed that some do not want the collection shared with the TA for my son who is a class staff member and works with other children in the class too. I have no intention of making anyone feel like fucking shit as I am happy to cover the cost, so the TA does not feel sidelined. And if people do not donate to the collection for whatever reason, why on earth will they care if their name is not in the card??

OP posts:
Original poster
MaLopez · 30/09/2016 18:05

*FrancineSmith" Thank you. Nice to have the view of someone from the inside xx

Thank you for all the other comments. We shall see how it all pans out.

OP posts:
Ausernotanumber · 30/09/2016 18:15

Because you might as well put a big sign up saying too poor. That's why it's shit not to have your name in the card. Can't you understand that?

I cared that there was something that my son couldn't be included in because I couldn't afford £5 for a present chip in to a collection. He cared when everyone else was getting to write their name in a card and he didn't.

Can you REALLY not fucking get that ?

Bluepowder · 30/09/2016 18:34

Neither teachers nor TAs expect anything. If you don't give anything it doesn't matter a bit. A card with a message is very nice. But we don't do it for the Christmas presents. Some people and children like to give gifts and that's OK too.

Ragwort · 30/09/2016 19:56

Do any teachers actually have the confidence to tactfully and politely say 'please, no gifts are necessary'.

I can't understand why no one just puts a stop to all this excessive nonsense at Christmas (I volunteer in a charity shop and we are inundated with naff 'Best Teacher' gifts every New Year, I know lots of teachers who give me load of tat to dispose of .............. sorry if that sounds harsh but it is all such a waste of money).

Bluepowder · 30/09/2016 20:07

It would be very good to see that happen, Ragwort.

Only1scoop · 30/09/2016 20:11

I wouldn't worry Op just get her a nice gift from your DC

WaxyBean · 30/09/2016 20:22

I tend to send in a small token gift for class teacher and TA, and then a box of biscuits for all staff in year xx, as Other TAs and teachers are often helping out/covering in the classroom. I hope these biscuits end up in the staff room.

Hermanfromguesswho · 30/09/2016 20:22

I'm a 1:1 TA and I do as much, if not more for the rest of the class as the regular TA. While the class TA has to spend a lot of time out of the classroom preparing resources and reading with children (who are called out one by one) , I'm in the class all the time and support all of the children regularly.
I also spend my own time after school every day helping the teacher set up stuff for the next day, doing displays and sticking in all the kids homework and spellings etc.
I'd be quite upset to not be considered part of the class staff by the parents tbh. I'm pretty sure they do see me as part of the team. I'm always included in cards and gifts.
I think all of the staff would much rather have a smaller gift that all were included in, than a bigger gift that excluded some staff.
If the cost doesn't change for anyone contributing and the only difference is who is included then it's just plain mean to exclude one person!

pudcat · 01/10/2016 07:36

Do any teachers actually have the confidence to tactfully and politely say 'please, no gifts are necessary'.
Yes I have said it in an earlier post on here and each time a thread about gifts for teachers appears. A card or picture drawn by the child or a thank you note if deserved is what most teachers want, in my opinion. I still have notes and letters thanking me. I taught in deprived areas where money was short. So gifts were not expected, and if they were given they were certainly not like those I have been reading about on here. A box of matchmakers or a box of Roses to share amongst the staff in that class.

Astley · 01/10/2016 07:50

My sons teacher drives a Jaguar 4x4 and lives rent free. Should parents who have to count every penny really give £5 towards a gift she probably doesn't even want?

I would never pay into a teacher gift. I will buy a gift if I feel I want to, but I'm not going to start buying them Chirstmas and end of years presents as a matter of course, even if they haven't been good teachers!

Boolovessulley · 01/10/2016 07:59

The children in the class will be helped by the 1 to 1 ta. It might be this ta who they tell when they feel unwell or who they go to when they have lost something etc.
I don't think must parents realise just how much work TAs do. In fact our local authority no longer employs TAs , their title is now learning support assistant as they are there to promote the learning of children.
I would split the money between all the adults.

SisterViktorine · 01/10/2016 08:05

It's sad that there is still such a thing as a 1:1 TA solely working with one child.

Yes, there should be x number of additional adult hours put into the classroom with OPs DS. However, ALL the adults in the room should know DS's needs inside out and he should be supported- to the full extent that he needs- by ALL the adults in the room, very definitely including the Teacher.

How much direct Teacher input does DS get if 'my' TA is there all the time? What if 'my' TA is off sick for a week?

If the additional hours of support were covered by the staff team instead of a named 1:1 the Christmas present wouldn't be an issue.

monkeywithacowface · 01/10/2016 09:06

Sister that is one of the most ridiculous statements I've read on MN (and let's rave it the place is full of idiots! So that's saying something!)

monkeywithacowface · 01/10/2016 09:08

Oh pants ignore me I completely read that wrong and misunderstood (wanders off to join the other idiots Blush )

Chopstick17 · 01/10/2016 09:09

I have been a 1:1 and a TA. The children don't really discriminate, they will ask whoever/whichever adult is around for help and as a 1:1 I worked with all the children at some point. It depends on the 1:1 care needed. I worked with chn with Aspergers and sometimes they didn't need me to sit with them for every activity and part of their education plan was to encourage some independence, so at those times I would act as TA.Having said all that I NEVER expect a present, I get paid.