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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think DP is being a bad birth partner?!

100 replies

BlueCorvette · 10/09/2016 06:14

We had to get up and drive to hospital at 2am. I'm not in established labour but have been told to wait as contractions strong and painful.

DP has moaned about how tired he is, hasn't asked how I am at all and pretty much slept since we got here.

He's just woken up moaning about how much his back hurts from the chair and asked what's going on with the midwife and plan. I am tired and in pain and told him to go and ask her. He then asked why I was being such an arsehole and did I even want him there....

I'm fuming and really upset.

OP posts:
Karlakitten1 · 10/09/2016 06:17

My DH was the same...tired, moaning about the chair. They don't realise that it isn't a 5* hotel catered to them. He is lucky he is in the chair. Some on my ward didn-t have the padded ones and had to have plastic. Good luck with it all.

mum2Bomg · 10/09/2016 06:20

Flowers sorry he is being an arse. Hopefully he will stop when he 'wakes up' but if he doesn't then tell him! (Exciting times though!) good luck! X

Original poster
BlueCorvette · 10/09/2016 06:24

Thanks guys, he's driven home to get some painkillers for his back....

OP posts:
LastOneDancing · 10/09/2016 06:25

YANBU.

It's horrible being tired. It's horrible being in pain. But you choose the audience for your gripes and a labouring woman really isn't the right one Hmm I hope when he's better rested he realises what a nob he's been.

But in a few hours all this will be forgotten and you will be having new baby cuddles! Good luck.

cansu · 10/09/2016 06:28

Sounds like an arse. My partner was pretty useless too. Don't forget you can choose to have someone else or just rely on midwife if needs be. Mine was more useless than being unkind. Once I started pushing I sent him out as he was being so irritating. I did fine with the midwives support.

Out2pasture · 10/09/2016 06:29

Most men don't understand labour and don't really want to understand labour. Most women are better supported by other women.

Mooey89 · 10/09/2016 06:29

*hes driven home to get some painkillers for his back'

Fucking hell.

My ex was eating a turkey sandwich whilst I was crowning because the poor snowflake was hungry. Didn't bother to get me any food once the baby was born or even a cup of tea! And then had to go home to sleep because bless him, he was tired.

Sorry your DP isn't being like this at such an exciting time OP. Not long now and your squishy little newborn will be here!

Mooey89 · 10/09/2016 06:29

Oops, bold fail!

Original poster
BlueCorvette · 10/09/2016 06:30

I agree re. other women. I feel like asking the midwife not to let him back in Wink

OP posts:
ShebaShimmyShake · 10/09/2016 06:41

Don't let him or anyone else pressure you into having him there if he's just going to whinge about how hard it all is for HIM. Labour is hard enough at the best of times and you need support. Nobody has any inherent right to be there, it is only about what supports and helps you. Seriously, if he's only going to make it worse then get him to stay out.

ConvincingLiar · 10/09/2016 06:43

Do you have a sister/friend/mum who might be more supportive?

Original poster
BlueCorvette · 10/09/2016 06:43

He's messaged me from home and sounds in better spirits.... I will have him removed from the delivery suite if he carries on whinging though Grin

OP posts:
PikachuSayBoo · 10/09/2016 06:43

Hopefully he will be more support when he gets back?

Can you ring a friend/sister/mum if you need to?

Bigfam · 10/09/2016 06:50

BlueCorvette Did you pack any dummies in your hospital bag for when baby is born? Sounds like your DP needs one Grin

I'll never forgive my DP for sitting on the edge of the birthing pool (when I was in established labour) and stuffing a handful of crisps under my nose asking "want some" with his mouth full & stinking. I still can't stand to look at or smell steak mCoys now.
Good luck with the birth, awww a lovely squishy baby! Smile

Original poster
BlueCorvette · 10/09/2016 06:55

Just heard a baby being born! A Romanian woman came in, she couldn't speak any English and her DH could only speak a bit. It turns out she was 9cm already and was rushed into a room, she handled it really well!

OP posts:
Original poster
BlueCorvette · 10/09/2016 06:57

Ha bigfam, sounds like a OBEM moment!

OP posts:
Camembertie · 10/09/2016 06:57

Oh poor you, but absolutely don't feel bad if you'd rather him not there, it's about what's best for you and baby,

Good luck

Trifleorbust · 10/09/2016 07:01

Tell him he doesn't know the meaning of the word tired and if he keeps up the moaning he'll be finding out about the birth on Facebook like everyone else!

Purplepixiedust · 10/09/2016 07:04

Good luck Blue Corvette. Let us know when you have news!

Original poster
BlueCorvette · 10/09/2016 07:09

Thanks all Flowers

No rooms free at the moment so they can't speed the labour up...

OP posts:
CesareBorgiasUnicornMask · 10/09/2016 08:56

Bigfam my DH went off to get food at one point during our delightful 48hour session. And came back with a packet of monster munch Envy. I told him in no uncertain terms that if they got opened in the delivery room I would not be held responsible for my actions.

Good luck Blue - hope DP is back and being more helpful, and you've got a room now!

GeekyWombat · 10/09/2016 09:08

Oooooh good luck Blue!

yummymummy1920 · 10/09/2016 09:18

You're lucky at least he's there my DP decided to stay and get some sleep before the birth as it takes ages I was in labour for 3 hours hardly ages so my mum took me up to the hospital and stayed with me .. DP walked through the door after my mum went mad at him as DS had just got his head out .. So DP held him cut the cord waited to know everything was fine and went home again ..

LittleCandle · 10/09/2016 09:28

With DD2, my waters broke and I was told to go in at once, as I had had a quick labour first time round. I wasn't having regular contractions, so XH buggered off home because he hadn't had his tea. Neither had I, as he had been shopping and pushed off to the pub before coming home! I went into active labour about 15 minutes before the evening sandwiches made an appearance on the ante-natal/post natal ward and didn't get anything to eat until DD2 was born. By then, it had been over 12 hours since I had eaten anything at all. And he was still 'merry' pissed when he arrived back at the labour suite. The midwife had had to phone him to come back in. DM was at mine to look after DD1 and kept urging him to go back, but he knew better. He walked in and DD2 was born next push. I really should have taken note then and dumped him quicker!

TenaciousOne · 10/09/2016 09:32

YANBU, DH did the same moaned I was too noisy and he needed his sleep Angry Don't whatever you do let him eat the toast and drink the tea. My DH did, and then pissed off to get himself something to eat and left me with tiny DS while they stitched me up. I don't think I ate a full meal until I went home the next afternoon.

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