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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think about hiring a nanny when I don't work?

103 replies

Puddingandcustard · 08/09/2016 20:53

I am about to have DC3 and worried that I can't cope

DC1 goes to school and DC2 (age 2) goes to nursery part-time, so I would only have all kids together in afternoons and two of them all day for three days a week (baby and DC2).

I don't want to remove DC2 from nursery as he loves it and it's a secure and stable routine at a time when a new baby is about to arrive and make life a bit chaotic.

DH works long hours - well, 12 hours a day - so he won't be home to help. I don't have family help, either.

I'm dreading being exhausted and finding it too hard! I know that makes me sound a bit pathetic!

So I was thinking that, after DH goes back to work (two weeks after the baby is born), I could hire a nanny two days a week to help me. I'd be there the whole time, but she'd be some help entertaining the kids and cooking their meals and some support and some company.

Is that crazy indulgent? Do I really need a nanny or is it not that bad having three?!

OP posts:

Xmasbaby11 · 08/09/2016 20:57

I don't have three kids or a nanny ... but in your shoes it sounds like a good idea. It would help a lot.

Lunchboxlewiswillyoumarryme · 08/09/2016 21:00

If you can afford it,do what you have to do...personally if money had been no object I'd of loved a cleaner...it's hard work being a parent..do whatever gets you throu

buckingfrolicks · 08/09/2016 21:00

You need an au pair not a nanny?

icelollycraving · 08/09/2016 21:00

If you think you can afford it & it'll help,then why not? Do what works for your family.

ThatsWotSheSaid · 08/09/2016 21:02

Isn't there something called a mothers helper? I think they basically do cleaning and children related stuff like sterilising.

mrwalkensir · 08/09/2016 21:02

At first I thought you were being weedy, but then I remembered how tough it is with three small ones with no external or family support If not a nanny, maybe a friendly student two or three afternoons a week. Just gives you a chance to feel that your head is above water.

iminshock · 08/09/2016 21:03

You got the cash , do it

MLGs · 08/09/2016 21:04

I think it might be more an au pair or mother's help that you need.

A mother's help doesn't live with you (I don't think) and is probably best suited to helping you out while you are there rather than looking after the kids alone. He/she could also do a bit of light cleaning/ tidying.

A nanny would be very expensive and would probably also expect to have sole care - they might not find the job you describe very fulfilling.

Believeitornot · 08/09/2016 21:04

You might not get a nanny for those hours... Or it will cost you!

Where is your dh in all this? Doesn't he want to cut down his hours and be around more?

My friend had three and had a lot of family help as her dh worked away and long hours. So you getting a nanny might be the best thing.

Scarydinosaurs · 08/09/2016 21:07

Mothers help and a cleaner? Or do you already have a cleaner etc?

And au pair can be more trouble than they're worth...I think you have to be a certain sort of personality type to manage an au pair, and it might be just more work for you to deal with.

Stevefromstevenage · 08/09/2016 21:07

Sounds like a good plan. I found the jump from 2 to 3 challenging so I would have loved something like this to help with the day to day. Go for it and see how it works out.

Out2pasture · 08/09/2016 21:07

If you can afford it certainly do consider all options.
Don't rule out you doing the childcare and hiring cleaning/meal prep help.

rollmeover · 08/09/2016 21:09

Yes you don't really need a nanny - a mothers help/housekeeper might be a better idea (or a cleaner who does ironing?). Where I live there are a number of "older" women (I'm sure younger women do it too but the only ones I know are over 50) who do drop offs and pick ups from schools and nursery school and would help out around the house - could you ask around?
Whatever gets you through it I say!

ApplesTheHare · 08/09/2016 21:09

If you can afford it, do it and make the most of it

You'll be a lot less stressed and your quality time with your DC will be much improved for it. Good luck with everything.

Original poster

Puddingandcustard · 08/09/2016 21:10

I didn't even think about a mother's helper! How do you go about finding one?

We don't have the space for an au pair (all bedrooms about to be allocated!) but that would have been an option if we did.

Thank you for not thinking I was being mad! Haha!

believeit this baby wasn't, erm, planned. But we are grown ups so should have been a little bit more careful! (It is very much wanted though.) But my DH had just started a new, very pressurised job when we found out. Not the ideal time, but it does give us the cash to do it even if it means he can't be around as much as he was the last two times. I sort of feel like I'm paying for his replacement at home

OP posts:

Original poster

Puddingandcustard · 08/09/2016 21:11

(By the cash to do it - I mean, the cash to hire a nanny!)

OP posts:

Strokethefurrywall · 08/09/2016 21:14

I wouldn't even think twice about it in your position. We had a helper after DS2 was born when I went back to work at 16 weeks. She had DS2 at home, collected DS1 from pre-school, cleaned the house, made the beds, did the laundry. I would come home every evening to a home that smelt beautiful, children who had been fed and bathed and dinner on the stove or in the oven. I love her, she's awesome.

Life with a newborn and 2 small children is going to be tough and any way that you can lessen emotional and exhausting burdens on yourself will be money well spent.

I don't think you will regret it and you shouldn't feel you need to justify it to us

MiddleAgedMother · 08/09/2016 21:14

Been there! I had a lovely live out mothers help - you don't need any more stress so wouldn't recommend an au pair.
Our mothers help was a sort of nanny/housekeeper/ cook who just slotted in and was my double except for breast feeding.
We struggled to fund it but DH couldn't help due to hours and travel and no family in England.
Worth every cent as I stayed sane, DH didn't feel guilty and DC all got lots of attention and so no jealously of DC3.
Highly recommend !

AndersArms · 08/09/2016 21:18

OP you should do what suits you and what you can afford but you may find its ok.

DC3 here is 2 months old and it's been the easiest transition of them all. DC1 is just back at school and DC2 goes to nursery 2 days a week. DH works very long hours like yours but I have been astonished at how manageable I have found it. I think because I was well prepared for being tired, was already accustomed to splitting my time and attention between the competing needs of more than one DC and because I know the exhausting stage doesn't last forever.

That said, we do have a cleaner once a fortnight and my expectations, particularly over the summer hols, have been low. DH also has all three for at least 1.5 hours before he leaves for work every single day without fail so I get a morning snooze.

So YANBU to get extra help but you may find its ok. Good luck!

PsychologicalSaline · 08/09/2016 21:18

I had 3 children under 4 years of age. After confessing to the health visitor that I felt a bit swamped by it all I was offered a nursery nurse-in-training, from the local college, to come and help out. She came once a week and was an absolute god send! There was no charge and it was lovely to have someone around to chat to as well.

Hope you find someone to help out.

outputgap · 08/09/2016 21:19

I have the same pattern of children with dc3 now 4 months. You absolutely need an extra pair of hands. Do it.

DiegeticMuch · 08/09/2016 21:23

I think that a proper nanny might resent your being there all the time - trained nannies like to get on with their work alone, not work in tandem with an omnipresent parent.

A general lower-level helper would be great though. I bet that there are retired women in your neighbourhood who'd love that role. Get the word out!

Maybeoneday77 · 08/09/2016 21:26

I could have written your post OP! Due no 3 in January and have booked a nanny for 2 days a week for those first 6 mths, just a spare pair of hands and school runs etc.. It does feel like a naughty luxury, but it will save our sanity those first few months. Relax and enjoy!

urterriblemuriel · 08/09/2016 21:27

If you can afford it then don't feel guilty and go for it.

Im a SAHM, have two young DC and a husband who also is out of the house 7-8/9 most days. I really struggle to keep on top of the endless washing, cleaning (as we are home so much messing it up), cooking etc when the children demand so much attention. I am also at a stage where I really need a few hours here and there me time too as toddler care is very stressful at times. It helps that my DD has just started school and I'm upping nursery hours to 8 a week for DS (20m) so I have some time alone....to clean probably!!. Would totally pay for a nanny if I could.

Original poster

Puddingandcustard · 08/09/2016 21:28

Maybe - good to hear of someone else in the same boat! Where did you find your nanny?

Should I put an ad on Gumtree etc for a Mother's Helper?

OP posts:

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