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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think about hiring a nanny when I don't work?

103 replies

Puddingandcustard · 08/09/2016 20:53

I am about to have DC3 and worried that I can't cope Blush

DC1 goes to school and DC2 (age 2) goes to nursery part-time, so I would only have all kids together in afternoons and two of them all day for three days a week (baby and DC2).

I don't want to remove DC2 from nursery as he loves it and it's a secure and stable routine at a time when a new baby is about to arrive and make life a bit chaotic.

DH works long hours - well, 12 hours a day - so he won't be home to help. I don't have family help, either.

I'm dreading being exhausted and finding it too hard! I know that makes me sound a bit pathetic!

So I was thinking that, after DH goes back to work (two weeks after the baby is born), I could hire a nanny two days a week to help me. I'd be there the whole time, but she'd be some help entertaining the kids and cooking their meals and some support and some company.

Is that crazy indulgent? Do I really need a nanny or is it not that bad having three?!

OP posts:
HippyMoon · 27/12/2021 16:19

Like pp I'd say you'd be more suited to a mothers help and a cleaner, but definitely go for it!

notanothertakeaway · 27/12/2021 16:22

Zombie thread

But for anyone else in that position, this might help www.home-start.org.uk/

Soontobe60 · 27/12/2021 16:33

@MilitantFaucet

Zombie thread
Damn 😂😂😂
Happyhappyday · 27/12/2021 16:34

OP if you can afford it, hire whatever help you need. Don’t think about whether it’s indulgent, why “tough it out” if you don’t need to?

FWIW, DH and I both had Nannie’s growing up and our DC does. Parents worked full time but our Nannies were beloved family members, mine was like my third grandmother.

I’m a better parent because I’m not trying to be a super hero when I don’t have to.

Embracelife · 27/12/2021 16:37

Of course.
Pay for the help you need. Eg three hours day mothers help .

peachesarenom · 27/12/2021 16:38

If you can afford it definitely do it! It's very difficult to do all alone!

Gonnagetgoing · 27/12/2021 16:40

I did this years ago for a couple with a baby and a toddler. I’d been studying childcare GCSE and the toddler when younger was my study plus I babysat for them too. When I left 5th form after Christmas I did private tutoring and the spare days when they needed me as a live out mother’s help. The father was away a lot in USA for work and they had a shop which she helped run but it was mostly mornings/afternoons that I literally child-minded but also took them to playgroups, child gym classes and so on and met mums that I’d met before with the mother when she went out. I developed a close bond with both kids and occasionally continued babysitting them when I started a full time job at 17.

A few friends have hired part time live out babysitters or students studying childcare or looking to gain experience.

blisstwins · 27/12/2021 16:41

In the US we would call this a mother’s helper, which is really more accurate. You will be tired and there is nothing wrong or indulgent with getting help if you can afford it
. I think it is smart and hope reframing it makes you feel less guilty.

PurplePikachu · 27/12/2021 16:45

ZOMBIE

Aubrey1981 · 27/12/2021 16:48

Zombie 🧟‍♀️

oftenbaffled · 27/12/2021 16:53

It’s only indulgent if it would be a financial struggle
Otherwise, sure go for it

invisiblereally · 27/12/2021 17:00

You can do what you want and what you can afford.

I'm a bit surprised that you are worried you will cope- as you cope to the level you have to with what is on your plate- as mum of 3, now teens & a (now ex) DH who worked away (as in a flight away/ different country ) for months when I had 3 under 5 and worked part time in a demanding career (so lots of extra hours). And then became single mum with (their) a Dad who rarely turned up and I live hundreds of miles away from any family.

You can do it. But if you feel a nanny or mothers help will better help you manage and you can afford it as you are fairly well off - then I guess that's a lovely plan.

But please don't think you can't cope- as you'd be surprised what you can cope with when forced into that situation.

I have 3 DCs who have the best childhood , with little money but a mum that was there for them and eldest is at a good uni and one about to go to uni next year.

DCs remember mostly how their mum was there for them, and all the wonderful things we did together (even if cheap n cheerful), not whether they had an immaculate house or a glam mum who had time to go to the gym and go out .

So do make sure you get a balance of mucking in with your DCs....

wishing3 · 27/12/2021 17:00

I’d definitely do it if you can-and it sounds like you can.

wishing3 · 27/12/2021 17:02

You’ll still be there for them and ‘mucking in’ - why not make it more chilled for yourself? I would!

oftenbaffled · 27/12/2021 17:08

Loads of people have their mothers move in post babies

I didn’t and I would have loved a nanny!

PurplePikachu · 27/12/2021 17:14

ZOMBIE ZOMBIE ZOMBIE ZOMBIE

Orchid876 · 27/12/2021 17:23

I would 💯 hire a mother's help in your shoes. You do what you gotta do.

BoredZelda · 27/12/2021 17:26

If you want a nanny, and can afford it, then hire one.

No point in asking here as anyone who has money will be told just to suck up their problems because someone they know is a single mum to twenty kids under 10 and they cope just fine.

oftenbaffled · 27/12/2021 17:31

Yeah yeah it’s a zombie

Chill out

Would still be interested to hear an update from op re whether worked out

User2638483 · 27/12/2021 17:35

When dc3 was newborn my others were 4 and 7. They weren’t great at going to bed. Dh wasn’t home until about 8.30pm and no local family to help. I didn’t get a nanny but there was a lovely 19yo local girl who came round after school til bedtime sort of 4-8 I think it was, once or twice a week. It was lovely as she sometimes took the biggest one to an after school activity, and/or cuddled the baby while I made tea or did reading with the bigger ones. It was a real help.

User2638483 · 27/12/2021 17:36

Awww man zombie thread 🤦‍♀️

Ilikepalindromes · 27/12/2021 17:41

I know it's a zombie but what the fuck. It's a different world. I work a 10 hour day, parent, do all the house work etc... People not working need a nanny? Mmm OK then...Wink You don't know you're born.

Enko · 27/12/2021 17:41

depending on where you live. if you are close to a university you could get a university student to come in and help. DD2 is at uni in London and works with korukids she has just today been told she got the job she went for Monday to Thursday from 3- 6 It works wonderfully for her as she needs money to live and study so she is reliable and shows up regularly. Many students would jump at a similar chance.

If you are not in London see if other agencies does similar near you.

AuntMargo · 27/12/2021 17:42

If you can afford it, do it.

FiveHoursSleep · 27/12/2021 18:06

We had 4 kids in 6 years, my DH worked long hours out of the house and we had no family support.
I went back to work PT after my first but then had DD2 18 months later , and gave up work.
Each time I had another baby we would hire a nanny/mothers help for 6 months or so. They were lovely girls, who had more energy than I did and were able to stay at home with the baby while I did the school or nursery run, or take them to playgroup or whatever was going on.
The help totally saved my sanity on more than one occasion and I would say to you Go For It, if you can afford it!

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