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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think about hiring a nanny when I don't work?

103 replies

Puddingandcustard · 08/09/2016 20:53

I am about to have DC3 and worried that I can't cope

DC1 goes to school and DC2 (age 2) goes to nursery part-time, so I would only have all kids together in afternoons and two of them all day for three days a week (baby and DC2).

I don't want to remove DC2 from nursery as he loves it and it's a secure and stable routine at a time when a new baby is about to arrive and make life a bit chaotic.

DH works long hours - well, 12 hours a day - so he won't be home to help. I don't have family help, either.

I'm dreading being exhausted and finding it too hard! I know that makes me sound a bit pathetic!

So I was thinking that, after DH goes back to work (two weeks after the baby is born), I could hire a nanny two days a week to help me. I'd be there the whole time, but she'd be some help entertaining the kids and cooking their meals and some support and some company.

Is that crazy indulgent? Do I really need a nanny or is it not that bad having three?!

OP posts:

HyacinthFuckit · 08/09/2016 21:29

Go ahead if you can afford it.

HolidaayItWouldBeSoNice · 08/09/2016 21:32

If you want/need it, by all means get help, but it might not be as bad as you're imagining! I had 3 just under 4 (and all preschoolers for a year) and no family nearby and it was actually ok. And DC3 was the hardest work of all of them by a long way. Of course I had my bad days, but we got in the swing of things and I actually think I would have found it more stressful having a 'stranger' around the house. I did keep the older two in nursery 2 days a week which is probably what kept me relatively sane...

mathanxiety · 08/09/2016 21:32

I would look at what you would really need done, and see what sort of official title for a role that work would best fit.

Cleaner?
Mother's help?
Teenager to come in the afternoons and entertain the kids so you can take a little nap and then get dinner cooked?
Someone to come one or two days a week and be a housekeeper - clean one day and batch cook one day?

I agree some nannies like to do their own thing and your presence might not be great for them, so if you need something like a mother's help role, be specific.

If people who have been nannies apply, ask them how much experience they have had working in tandem with the mother there. Ask for references if they claim to have this. Check the references.

Closetlibrarian · 08/09/2016 21:33

Absolutely get some help. I struggled with just the two of them when DC2 was born. I was, in fact, completely incapable of coping with the whims of my 2.5yo and the unpredictable but urgent needs of the baby. Or at least I could cope, but so long as nothing else had to happen (like leaving the house, or any one other than the baby eating). I only managed because DH works from home and he essentially did no work for the first 6 weeks of DC2's life

Girlsinthegarden · 08/09/2016 21:35

I did it. Only for three months but it was brilliant. I had her for about threw hours a day when I was getting really tired and she'd stay on for bedtime if dh was away. It made it all so much nore manageable. I found I could get through mornings and early afternoon but the stress kickes in later.

DamsenBerry · 08/09/2016 21:40

I'm a nanny and I have taken roles similar to this in the past op. Absolutely get help, whether it be a nanny or mothers helper or cleaner etc. Why not have an extra pair of hands around and a bit of company too?

I've worked for parents who have one child and don't work. No shame in getting a little help if you think it would be beneficial!

I would recommend using childcare.co.uk to have a look at child carers local to you. Take time to follow up references and take your time interviewing/ deciding. Good luck I'm your search op!

spangleknickers · 08/09/2016 21:41

Please get all the help that you can. I have been full-time worker, with 5 kids (23-5 years old) and did it all by myself and also have a partner who really does what he pleases. I am a bit control-freaky but wish I could go back and change things. Feel burnt out now! Wish I could do that sort of Mother's Help job - in fact, I bet there are many Mums who understand and empathise and have grown children who would love that sort of role. A 'Nanny' is just a different name for someone who helps with the child care. A proper Nanny has vast qualifications and would be extremely expensive. We all know what you mean

Maybeoneday77 · 08/09/2016 21:45

Hi, I was lucky, a 20 year old girl in my village that I know, is training to be a nanny and is working a 3 day week for another family, so I snapped up her other 2 days. She said she is happy to cook, fill the freezer with casseroles, laundry, take dc2 to toddler groups/park/swimming, or just be in charge while I have a nap. Just spare hands really.
I think 2 days is plenty to just keep us ticking over and the house sorted etc.. There may be times she is bored and I don't mind if she wants to leave early, just play it by ear.
I didn't fancy an au pair living in, and didn't want someone I don't know driving the kids around, so this seemed perfect. I guess you could advertise on gumtree or local Facebook pages? Or can you think of anyone that has a part time help that may share?

InionEile · 08/09/2016 21:48

Yes, I have a nanny 2 days a week and it's a huge help. Now that DS is at school 5 days a week, I could probably manage on my own but I don't want to! It's been a godsend for the past year and kept me sane.

She is a fully qualified nanny and paid accordingly but I refer to her as a babysitter when I talk to other people because 'nanny' sounds too swanky! I got in touch with her through a friend that she works for 2 days a week who said her nanny needed some extra hours.

Shezza71 · 08/09/2016 21:48

Please don't look on gumtree, try a local agency or ask around at your DC school. You should easily find the help you want. Look for ofsted registration, current DBS and first aid within last 3 years, if they're not qualified they should have completed a common core and knowledge course. Good luck. What area are you in?

kateyjane · 08/09/2016 21:54

At times I would give anything for a nanny. However, I have four children and a full time professional job, as does my husband. My children are now 14,11,9 & 6 - so we've reached the slightly 'easier' stages. Life is busy, hard, relentless, but also amazing on a daily basis. (The only thing I really wish for is more sleep)

If I had limitless funds, I would have a cleaner, chef and PA So if a nanny makes your life easier and allows you to enjoy quality time with your children more - then go for it!

Froginapan · 08/09/2016 21:56

Your personal family situation is exactly that: personal.

I don't think anyone is qualified to answer this question except for you.

If you can afford it then do it.

nannynick · 08/09/2016 21:57

If you want someone to help around the home whilst you are there with more household than childcare duties then a Mothers Help is a better job title. It is just a job title though, something to give applicants an idea of what job you are offering.

Have you costed up how much it will be to employ a member of household staff? Pay must be at least NMW and given only part time work applicants are likely to want more - so work out what you can afford and put salary or a range in the job advert.

Payroll service will cost around £200 a year, but more if paying your employer weekly rather than monthly.
See: www.nannypaye.co.uk

You may have employer National Insurance to pay on top of your employees Gross salary. This is a contribution to the NI Fund that employers have to make. Without knowing working hours or pay level I can't calculate what that would be but once you have decided on hours and pay then the total cost of employing someone can be calculated.

Keepingupwiththejonesys · 08/09/2016 22:07

I have a 3 year old and 1 year old and am 19 weeks with number three. My girls are 4 and 2 in October and my eldest just started upper pre school and goes two full days (9-3) and one half day (9-12 ) each week. She starts full time school next September. My youngest won't start pre school until January 2018 as its the term after she turns three unless I want her to go earlier and pay...which I don't. I know it will be hard and I will get stressed but organisation is key. My husband works 11 hours a day five days a week and sometimes works weekends. The days he doesn't work he takes the kids down in the morning so I get a lie in or even just an hours peace. I have little rules to keeo on top of things like i put a wash on as soon as theres enough for a load, i wash up straight away after meals, I clean the bathroom while the kids are in the bath etc. I would personally rather not have someone like a nanny or cleaner but I totally get why people do and say go for it if you think it will help!

All babies here have been planned and we've kind of gone for the smaller age gaps so have felt prepared but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a little nervous. I'm just hoping this baby will be easy haha!

user1473106504 · 08/09/2016 22:10

if you can afford it why not

bingisthebest · 08/09/2016 22:13

I had your setup but now my dc2 is at school as well. It's really hard and still hard now. Get help if that's right for you. Can't hurt.

strawberrybootlace · 08/09/2016 22:16

Since you have the money, absolutely, do it! Not weedy at all. Everyone needs help. Think of it as an investment in protecting your mental health, which in turn protects your family. If you were a man, nobody would bat an eyelid at hiring a nanny!

RattieOfCatan · 08/09/2016 22:20

I was a nanny for a woman who didn't work. I've just started maternity leave actually and it was the best job I've ever had, I'm gutted that I'm not going back (tied in with me relocating!). It was a mix of sole charge and shared care which some nannies are not a fan of, but it worked for us because she respected anything I said and I respected her rules too (obviously!). You need to find somebody you click with as much as the kids clicking with, that goes for either a nanny or a Mother's Helper, especially because you will be around each other!

A MH probably would suit you more, it may even be a good role for somebody looking to go into nannying TBH, though that will require some direction on your behalf most likely.

Pollaidh · 08/09/2016 22:22

Absolutely do it. With 1 at nursery and 1 baby we had a PT nanny (more a trainee nanny), plus cleaner who irons.

Consider contacting local colleges which offer childcare courses (or even a nanny college if one nearby) and putting an ad on their bulletin board, same for local university. We've had some great arts students (few contact hours) acting as mother's help over recent years, but they tend to go away during holidays.

Pollaidh · 08/09/2016 22:24

And yes, most proper nannies like sole care, the children try to play you off against each other and scream if they know the parents are in the house (i.e. working). If you get a proper nanny then give them independence to look after one child, or both, whilst you have other, or get a break. If you're both there in the room together it's senseless and tends not to end well. Or the nanny does the childcare while you do the cooking, which may not be what you want.

RhinestoneCowgirl · 08/09/2016 22:24

I used to pay for toddler DS to go to his childminder for 2 mornings a week when DD was a baby and I wasn't working. I was completely knackered with no family nearby to help and I needed a break so I saw no problem in paying for help. If you can afford a nanny, go for it!

Overthehillandroundthebend · 08/09/2016 22:34

Totally acceptable. Go for it.

anothermalteserplease · 08/09/2016 22:57

If you can afford it then do it. We're in same situation but 8 months down the line from you with 3 young children, a husband who works long hours and away a lot and no family nearby. I've actually found the transition to 3 easier as we have a routine to our day with school runs etc. I thought I'd need some help like a cleaner but haven't organized anyone yet and not sure I will tbh.

insan1tyscartching · 08/09/2016 23:33

If you can afford it then I think you should if it would help. I found fitting number three in quite easy though, nursery runs and school runs forced us into a rigid routine and number three ran like clockwork tbh

Viviennemary · 08/09/2016 23:48

If you can afford it then yes. But I think people have got a point when they say a fully trained nanny might not want you there all the time but just decide exactly what you would want your future nanny or mother's help to do and then take it from there.

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