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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think about hiring a nanny when I don't work?

103 replies

Puddingandcustard · 08/09/2016 20:53

I am about to have DC3 and worried that I can't cope Blush

DC1 goes to school and DC2 (age 2) goes to nursery part-time, so I would only have all kids together in afternoons and two of them all day for three days a week (baby and DC2).

I don't want to remove DC2 from nursery as he loves it and it's a secure and stable routine at a time when a new baby is about to arrive and make life a bit chaotic.

DH works long hours - well, 12 hours a day - so he won't be home to help. I don't have family help, either.

I'm dreading being exhausted and finding it too hard! I know that makes me sound a bit pathetic!

So I was thinking that, after DH goes back to work (two weeks after the baby is born), I could hire a nanny two days a week to help me. I'd be there the whole time, but she'd be some help entertaining the kids and cooking their meals and some support and some company.

Is that crazy indulgent? Do I really need a nanny or is it not that bad having three?!

OP posts:
AniceMNetter · 09/09/2016 07:38

I'd hire a housekeeper/nanny, someone who could help with the cleaning, tidying, laundry, cooking, shopping etc as well as manage the kids if needed, when my kids were younger, I always thought if I didn't have those housework pressures looking after the kids would be so much easier and enjoyable..

FreddoFrog · 09/09/2016 07:49

We had someone come in two or three afternoons a week from when dc3 was 6 months (older two were 2 & 4). She used to make dinner, clean and do bathtime. Sometimes she would stay on to babysit so DH and I could go out. She was fantastic and it was such a help. Sometimes she'd meet me out eg soft play and help me get everyone into the car and home safe at around 5.30pm in time for dinner - without yelling!! Saved my sanity.

Original poster
Puddingandcustard · 09/09/2016 08:24

Ooh thanks everyone. I wonder if it won't be as bad as I think? I did have two under two at one time... Though bedtimes were an absolute nightmare!

Where do you think I should advertise? Agencies? Childcare.co.uk? I like on pp's suggestion of asking around at DC's school.

freddo, your afternoons set up sounds perfect. Where did you find her?

OP posts:
onecurrantbun1 · 09/09/2016 08:29

Personally I wouldn't have outsourced the childcare part but would outsource everything else I could - cleaning and laundry in the main. We had a cleaner until DD3 was 6 weeks and I felt more in control. My DH is home every night y 5.30 though, so not as tough as your DH's hours.

It is indulgent imo but if you can afford it I would say now is the perfect time to indulge yourself.

Bubbinsmakesthree · 09/09/2016 08:58

I'm seriously considering a Mother's Help a couple of days a week when DC2 is born. DH works long hours,no local family support and I'll have 5 months before DS is old enough to start pre-school. Thought of a newborn + toddler 5 days a week fills me with horror!

maddiemookins16mum · 09/09/2016 09:05

I would have hated it as a Nanny (I liked sole charge), but certainly a part time mothers help/housekeeper/general extra pair of hands is a great idea especially in the run up to Christmas you might find someone local to help for even three months until things settle. Go for it.

A1Sharon · 09/09/2016 09:07

I had a nanny, who did 30 hrs a week (plus occasional baby sitting etc). I wasn't working at the time but felt completely swamped by everything. DC1 has Aspergers and needs a lot of time, he was completely attached to me, I couldn't hoover or anything!
Best thing we ever did. We had her for 3-4 years, until they were both in school full time.
I went on to have another child and never felt I needed help again, just found it very, very hard at that time. We live far away from family, so no help there.
Do whatever you need!

Artistic · 09/09/2016 09:14

I did this with DC2! Even though DC1 was at school. Not a nanny or au pair but a cleaner/cook who'd come in all days for 3 hours, cook lunch & dinner & clean up a bit for me, load the washing machine etc. Saved my sanity. Didn't need her everyday after 4-5 months but still kept her on at least couple of days until I went back to work. She still cooks for me occasionally. Do what you need to if money allows it.

FeralBeryl · 09/09/2016 09:17

If you can afford it -hell yes!
I had one in school, one in nursery and a newey.
The absolute ballache for me was school run/nursery pickups. The baby invariably decided she must have another feed / crap all over herself etc Angry
so if you can get someone to help with that aspect, you'll be amazed at the relief.

MatildaTheCat · 09/09/2016 09:31

I would go for a mothers help from lunchtime til bedtime in your place. Getting through tea, bath and bed is surely the hardest part of the day and mornings sound covered?

saivartelija · 09/09/2016 09:34

Just to throw another possible job title in the mix, this sounds just like what a postnatal doula would expect to do (maybe a trainee doula would have cheaper hourly rates).

I think its a great idea to get some help, and maybe you should also consider the help starting a few weeks before the baby arrives, so that they would get to know your family, and also help with the DC when you are heavily pregnant.

Vlier · 09/09/2016 09:41

If it destresses you then do it, sure why not? Having three young kids is hard work. Some help while you are still healing and the baby is setteling sounds great.

VHLV · 27/12/2021 15:32

Nanny started working today - do I have to get her a gift for "Xmas"/NY?

Dodgyveneers · 27/12/2021 15:50

I did with no. 3 and didn’t give a rats arse what other people thought. I used a nanny through an agency. To be honest she was a bit rubbish but it did give me a break.

Soontobe60 · 27/12/2021 15:53

Why not look to see if dc2 can do more days at nursery?

Luckyducky75 · 27/12/2021 15:55

For what you need I'd go for an au pair not a nanny. I have 2 kids and a full time job with no nanny so the jealous bitch in me is saying suck it up 🤣🤣 but if I could afford one I'd totally do it! Xx

MilitantFaucet · 27/12/2021 15:58

Zombie thread

HoseMeDownWithHollyWater · 27/12/2021 15:58

🧟‍♂️

ViceLikeBlip · 27/12/2021 16:00

The only reason I can think not to is financial. If you can afford it then why on earth wouldn't you get some help? Before having her own kids, my sister used to do cleaning during the day, and then work as a "mother's help" from about 5.00-7.00 in the evenings. It would be a total game changer if you could find someone to help out for those exact hours!

Tillymintpolo · 27/12/2021 16:01

Zombie !!!!!

gamerchick · 27/12/2021 16:04

Ah who dug this up?

Viviennemary · 27/12/2021 16:05

I would send the baby to a nursery for say two short days a week. And hire extra cleaning help. That would be a lot cheaper than a nanny and you would have the house to yourself or be able to go out.

gamerchick · 27/12/2021 16:07

The baby is like 5 yr old now

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 27/12/2021 16:14

@Believeitornot

You might not get a nanny for those hours... Or it will cost you!

Where is your dh in all this? Doesn't he want to cut down his hours and be around more?

My friend had three and had a lot of family help as her dh worked away and long hours. So you getting a nanny might be the best thing.

With some jobs it’s just not possible to cut down hours. My dh always worked very long hours when dds were very little - always working to manic deadlines as a senior civil engineer on site - there was no way he could just start late or leave early for days on end.

OP, if you can afford it, I’d do it like a shot! But as pps have said, I’d go for a ‘general help’, not an actual nanny.

Siuan · 27/12/2021 16:15

Do you already have a cleaner?
Because having someone else do a huge chunk of the drudgery is a massive help. You can still get a nanny but would that leave you using the presious free time cleaning and doing laundry?

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